Super Scotty Parker

Watching Scotty Parker play so well for England against Spain, and hearing Spurs' fans endlessly eulogising the man who has inspired their surge up the table, you ask yourself one question. How did we ever manage to get relegated with Parker in the side?  Quite an achievement by Avram Grant and the other ten players.

Admittedly Scotty missed the crucial final games, but even so, a player of his class should have guaranteed a mid-table finish. At £5.5 million he looks one of Harry's best ever signings - which might cheer up the Spurs gaffer as he contemplates his coming date with the Inland Revenue in court.

West Ham meets Life on Mars

Extraordinary developments in the stadium battle. A 29-year-old man has been arrested on suspicion of fraud after complaints by West Ham and the Olympic Park Legacy Company.

The arrest occurred hours after the OPLC chair, Baroness Ford, had claimed at a London Assembly committee that Spurs chairman, Daniel Levy, had put all 14 members of her board "under surveillance". A Sunday Times article in August had claimed that an OPLC member had moonlighted for West Ham. The OPLC and West Ham then complained to police about possible phone and bank account hacking by private investigators.


Meanwhile Spurs issued a statement denying everything, reading: "The club did not undertake, instruct or engage any party to conduct surveillance on any member of the OPLC committee and we consider the making of this baseless accusation to be wholly inappropriate and irresponsible. We totally reject the allegation in the strongest possible terms."

Well done to Karren Brady, Sullivan and Gold for fighting back. Sounds like a case for Gene Hunt to me.

Where's your famous IVF?

Interesting story in the Mail on Sunday. One of Britain's oldest IVF (no, that's not an offshoot of the ICF) mothers Susan Tollefsen from Laindon, aged  61, has dumped her "toyboy" partner Nick Mayer, 50,  over his love for West Ham. Their IVF child Freya is now three-years-old.


"Every Saturday he wanted to go and watch them, either home or away, and some weekdays. I felt as if he didn’t want his life to change at all after Freya came along, even though mine had changed completely. I felt as if my whole world revolved round Freya and yet Nick was passionate about West Ham. I felt there was four of us in this family – me, Freya, Nick and the Hammers," she told the MoS.


You have to have some sympathy for Mr  Mayer. They keep you all up night, take over your life and cause uncontrollable mood swings and strange hormonal surges. And kids are pretty demanding too.

Hull is for heroes

Hull City 0 West Ham 2

Another great result on the road. Looking at The Football League Show highlights, Hull kept going right to the finish and Robert Green had a fantastic game, producing a string of fine saves. But we took our chances expertly; Baldock showed sharp reactions to turn in Cole's header from a Hammers' corner after the break and a few minutes later influential substitute Carlton Cole found Collison with a great through ball and Jack did the rest.

Best moment was Green parrying the ball after a one-on-one with Matty Fryatt and Abdoulaye Faye rushing back to clear before going mental, as they say in Educating Essex, at the rest of the defence. We haven't had an organiser at the back for many a season. Baldock now has 11 goals this season if we include six for MK Dons and is starting to justify a £2 million investment, while we look better with Collison back in the side. And a nice chant of "Is there a fire drill?" from the 2,900 Hammers fans at the end too.

Say what you like about Allardyce, but we're no longer a soft touch away from  home.

We want Pottsy on the pitch...

Nice to see Danny Potts, sone of Steve, on the bench against Hull City. Let's hope he shares the goalscoring prowess of his dad against Hull. Whenever Pottsy scored we always got seven...

Cold comfort

Wouldn't a cold lager in the Black Lion do the same job? The club website reports:

West Ham United's players are embracing the use of cryotherapy - cold therapy - to help them to recover quickly from the strains of a 46-game npower Championship season.
On Wednesday, a number of players visited the cryotherapy chamber as an alternative to jumping in an ice bath, spending three minutes at temperatures of minus 120C (minus 184F) to aid recovery in their muscles following Tuesday's draw with Bristol City.

The Only Way Isn't West Ham...

West Ham 0 Bristol City 0

In honour of Julien Faubert deciding he’s staying Nigel has told CQ it’s going to be a cricket score. In Ken’s Cafe Don P is discussing how to press olive oil in Italy (surely Ken's should feature in Jamie's Great Britain?) and Big Joe appears for a few minutes before heading off to the executive egg, chips and beans.

It’s down to myself, Nigel and Mike in the East Stand tonight as Matt’s at the Union Chapel watching some indie band, while Fraser arrives at half-time after a dash from a crime-show in Liverpool, but they’ll only let him in the Bobby Moore Stand. He later wishes they hadn’t.

Though after my strange omission in the Leicester report, Nigel is very keen for readers to know that Swindon Town is the only team in the League not to have any letters from the word ‘mackerel’ in its name.

Freddie Sears looks our liveliest player and may have found his best position floating behind the forwards. After 16 minutes he hits the post with a fine curling effort from the edge of the box.

Freddie Piquionne heads straight at James from Faubert’s cross but while looking the better side we don’t really create that much. City have a couple of efforts just wide and over the top on the break before half-time.

HARRY HARRY DURBRIDGE ON THE PITCH
The most exciting moment is when Harry Durbidge and Amy Childs from The Only Way Is Essex appear on the pitch at half-time, only we’re in the bowels of the East Stand and miss it. It’s possible Amy believes Bristol City is a new cosmetic surgery salon in Brentwood. Harry is wearing an “I only kiss West Ham fans” t-shirt. Though Big Sam probably thinks “Shu’ up!” is Harry’s plan to see the game out.

In the second half Nolan shots too close to the keeper, Sears has a chip saved and Piquionne plants a header wide where Carew might have scored.

Amdy Faye, on for the injured Reid, makes a fantastic block after Green spills a shot and the ball rebounds to a City striker who looks certain to score.

LACK OF CREATIVITY 
Noble has a poor game, Nolan doesn’t contribute much either and we look strangely jaded for a side that has only played 15 games. Sam makes a strange substitution bringing on Cole for Baldock, presumably to test City’s defence with two big men, and replaces Sears with Diop. Freddie is perhaps a little tired after trick or treating the previous night.

We miss the creativity of Taylor, Collison and Lansbury and end up just lumping high balls into the box that City clear easily. Cole has a turn and blaze over the bar and that’s about it.

The only encouraging thing is that we take a point when last season we might have lost this banana-skin game. Three games in eight days appear too much for this squad. We still desperately need a playmaker that can create and beat players.

At least we’re away on Saturday. After a couple of drinks in The Central with The Gav, fresh from an evening with Brian Dear, Ronnie Boyce and Billy Jennings in Romford, we return past the players’ car park and see Harry from TOWIE leaving with a child on his shoulders and surrounded by autograph hunters.

Could Harry be the solution to our injury crisis? The lad’s only 17, wonder if he can play a decent through ball… Shu’ up!