Ricardo Vaz Te writes…

Dear Big Sam,

During the transfer window I might have accidentally made a statement to the press stating that I did not wish to play for a useless team managed by a big fat gaffer who does not appreciate my incredible talent. 

What I meant to say was thank you for so many starts when I only scored three goals and drove Michael the Whovian to Davros-like fits of rage. I will of course be delighted to fit into any system devised by your tactical genius and especially enjoy floating out wide as a winger come striker but not really being either and firing in crosses at a striker who isn't there. I  think you should fire Stewart, Joe or Matt and not me as they all lost control of this task.

Thank you for the opportunity Lord Allardyce,

Ricardo Vaz Te