Oh, Said Benrahma

My pal Matt points out that Said Benrahma scored the winner for Lyon against Metz last week, which is one more goal than he's scored for WHU this season. Said is still only out on loan, but will surely move on in the summer. He's been a frustrating player at West Ham overall, always on the verge of  greatness but never quite getting there. He actually had a decent season last time round and had he not hit the post several times could have ended up with a lot more goals. Though he did score 12 times, six of them penalties in 2022-23.

When he first arrived he seemed to pass when he should shoot and shoot when he should pass. He improved after scoring a cracking first goal against Brighton, though at times seemed to have perfected the art of shooting just wide. Still, he left us some good memories, such as his penalty in the Europa Conference Final and embarrassing David De Gea when we beat Man United, plus a lot of assists. This season he seemed way off form, not helped by Moyes never really trusting him. That sending off at Bristol City was a sad final act as a West Ham player. At 28 Benrahma still has a lot to prove, but there's definitely a player in there and the French Ligue 1 may suit him.

Hat-trick hero Bowen blasts Bees

West Ham United 4 (four) Brentford 2

It's off to the Best Meze Cafe where Matt is possibly having himself in a yellow hoodie drinking red wine and eating halloumi mushrooms. After my hasty falafel and chips, purchased for the price of a small house, we head to the London Stadium. We're joined by Nigel and CQ back from watching Havana Clue FC in Cuba, newly-Welsh-resident Big Sam and Charlton Iron Gavin.

West Ham start with intensity, which is a shock, and the crowd are getting behind the side, suggesting the reported anti-Moyes sentiment might have been a little exaggerated. 

The return of Paqueta gives the whole side a boost and his partnership with Emerson and ability to keep the ball soon has the crowd purring. Ward-Prowse nods on Coufal's cross and Soucek fires a great chance over the bar.

It's the perfect start after five minutes. Ward-Prowse finds the overlapping Emerson who plays the ball inside to Bowen. Jarrod takes a touch to control and fires home a left-foot shot with the outside of his boot. A great finish. The relief is palpable after three goalless games and it's Jarrod's first goal since returning from injury.

Two minutes later Soucek picks up a loose ball to feed Bowen. He finds Kudus, who plays in Coufal on the right. Vlad's low cross is turned in by Bowen for a lovely team goal. What sort of thing is happening here?

Though this being West Ham the Irons lose the ball in midfield, Lewis-Potter gets between Zouma and Enerson to play in Maupay. Mavropanos isn't close enough to the striker and the man who always scores against us chips home. Three goals in thirteen minutes. 

West Ham have a good half, with Paqueta having a couple of chances, Kudus testing Flekken and then firing wide after a storming run. Mo looks in the mood and Reguilon is booked for a cynical foul. 

At half-time I dispense ny five copies of Massive smuggled past security, three for Gavin, one for Nigel and one for Fraser's mate Keith. The consensus is it's too delicately poised for Nigel to eat his lucky banana. 

FOREVER BOWEN'S BUBBLES

Brentford have a lot of possession at the start of the second half, but Mavropanos, in for Aguerd, impresses with some fine crunching tackles and interceptions, while Zouma wins a lot in the air. The Hammers' best outlet is Kudus. On 63 minutes Mo gets away on the left, bamboozles Reguilon, and dinks a cross in for Bowen to head home. That's Jarrod's first ever hat-trick after 16 career doubles. He runs to the Bobby Moore Stand brandishing three fingers. That's 17 goals this season for the ignited Bowen, and 14 in the league.

"Champions of Europe we know what we are!" rings around the stadium after a dismal start to 2024. Areola has to make a fine low stop to deny Onyeka. But Kudus gets another cross in which is headed out to Emerson on the edge ofd the box. The progressive left-back fires home a fantastic shot into the top corner. Best goal of the night.

"West Ham are massive!" sings the crowd. Paqueueta gets an ovation when he is sensibly replaced by Antonio. Though on 82 minutes poor concentration allows Wissa to fire home a fine finish from the edge of the area. Areola has to make two excellent saves, including a brilliant one-handed parry from Toney's header. But West Ham hold on for a deserved three points. Moyes does tend to win these must-win games and we go back up to eighth.

After the match Gavin has to dash off to the shop to buy a WHU stegosaurus for Lizzie (please insert your own Moyes dinosaur jokes here). The rest of us head off to the Eagle to meet the crocked Fraser who has been in the wheelchair section with Sinead and rather enjoyed this feast of Moyesball in a six-goal thriller. It's Tayto crisps and East London Pale Ale before a late night dash to Maryland and the Elizabeth line. This was a very welcome result and a much better performance taking WHU to 39 points. One more point and we're safe. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 8; Coufal 7, Mavropanos 7, Zouma 7, Emerson 8; Soucek 7, Alvarez 6, Ward-Prowse 7, Paqueta 7 (Antonio 6); Bowen 9, Kudus 8 (Johnson n/a). 

Moyes' achievements deserve respect

It's quite weird the way the David Moyes issue has become some kind of culture war. Social media encourages binary positions but whatever your view, the achievements of Moyes are fact rather than conjecture: two relegation battles survived, sixth place; seventh place and a Europa League semi-final; winning the Europa Conference League. He's a decent man who has put everything into the job and deserves some respect for that.

Personally I don't mind counter-attacking football when it works, though it all depends on sound defence and swift counter-attacking as at Brighton and Arsenal away. When it doesn't work it can be really poor, as at Forest. But when Paqueta, Bowen and Kudus have been on form this season there has certainly been entertainment, as there was when Lingard and co were winning away at Villa and Wolves back in lockdown. 

Yes, if we played as we did against Arsenal at home every week, then Moyes would have to go. But he's experienced and has a history of success in his must-win matches. And those who want Moyes out should ask themselves if they would exchange the current regime for more attacking football with a series of relegation struggles. And if Graham Potter came in how long would it be before the "Potter Out" campaign began if things went badly and we lost three in a row?

I'd rather judge Moyes on the evidence at the end of the season. Both pro and anti Moyes fans are all on the same side and we should be fighting the real enemy - the Judean People's Front, obviously, and also Spurs, Arsenal and Chelsea and Brentford on Monday.

Another defeat sparks Forest ire

Nottingham Forest 2 West Ham 0

At least I'm at the British Museum looking at the Legion exhibition while the Barbarians storm West Ham's defensive structure. Antonio returns, which is good news, though he looks rusty when he gets a run at goal allowing the defender to make a recovery tackle. Forest have the better of the first half with Areola having to make good stops. Just when it looks like being goalless at the break Awoniyi outmuscles Aguerd to turn and slot home.

Looking at the highlights Forest, fighting to survive, are the deserved winners. Areola has to make a couple more good saves from long-range volleys from Elanga and Danilo. What chance the Hammers have of salvaging the game disappears when Kalvin Phillips is booked for a silly retaliatory push, and a few minutes later picks up a second yellow for a foul on Gibbs-White, perhaps a little unluckily, though there was no excuse for the first booking.

In added time Hudson-Odoi adds a second to make it game over. A "Moyes Out" banner is unfurled in the away end. We've been here before at the Fulham game last season. Moyes managed to win three must-win El Sackico games that season and now has to try again against Brentford. 

Recent form has been terrible, though we must also remember that Moyes is the same manager who has overseen a good first half to the season and beaten Chelsea, Brighton, Spurs, Man United and Arsenal. Though questions do have to be asked of Moyes and also Tim Steidten, who has allowed Benrahma and Fornals to leave without replacing them. Much of the problem seems to be that Bowen and Kudus have stopped scoring and they desperately need any sort of tap-in to boost their confidence. We have to hope that Paqueta returns against Brentford and our season can turn once more.

How to get a result at Forest?

Something better change, as the Stranglers once sang. After the Arsenal match West Ham have to get a reaction at Forest. I'd bring in Mavropanos for Zouma, who appears only half-fit and consider recalling Ogbonna too. A big problem is that without Paqueta we don't have anyone who can play on the left of midfield. Ben Johnson looked lost there so Moyes could either stick Ward-Prowse out wide with a brief to get crosses in or give Cornet a chance. 

Phillips has played three games now so must be getting fitter, so we could play Phillips and Alvarez as twin defensive midfielders to shield the defence. Perhaps Soucek should be rested and used as an impact sub. While there could also be a case for playing Kudus wide on the right and bringing in Danny Ings in a number ten role behind Bowen. The options are limited with such a small squad, but Moyes has to try something different. 

Six-nil! Six bloody nil!

West Ham 0 Arsenal 6

Move along. Nothing to see here. Just a routine joint record home defeat. The Overground and Elizabeth lines being down suggests it's going to be a bad day. Matt has left his bag at the Best Meze cafe but unfortunately manages to retrieve it and make the kick-off. 

We're joined by Lisa and Michael plus a ticket exchange punter replacing Nigel, who is returning from a scouting mission in Cuba checking out Havana Clue FC, according to Matt.

West Ham keep it goalless for 32 minutes, though Areola makes a brilliant save to keep out Trossard's volley. Ben Johnson is playing alongside Emerson on the left but neither player is getting really close to the flying Arsenal winger. 

Declan Rice swings over a corner and Saliba outmuscles Alvarez and Emerson at the back post to head in. Nine minutes later a simple ball over the top sees Saka free and Areola brings him down for a penalty. Saka looks offside, but VAR deems him onside and he duly scores, 

The West Ham defence appears to be having Joe Biden-style memory lapses. Next Rice's free kick sees  Ben Johnson drift back and play a line of attackers onside. West Ham's line is too deep, Areola is stuck on his line, and Gabriel heads home. In the second minute of added time Arsenal ping some passes around and Trossard in front of a minimal challenge from Zouma, curls home a great shot into the top corner.

Four-nil down at the break and thousands of West Ham fans leave. "There's nobody here!" chant the gleeful Arsenal fans. The lack of fight and leadership has been deeply worrying. While we're not getting anything forward to the isolated  Bowen and Kudus.

Zouma is hooked at the break, which suggests he has been playing while not fully fit, while Phillips comes in for Alvarez and at least gets 45 minutes of football to aid his match fitness. 

Mavropanos improves things slightly at the back though Areola is soon saving from Saka. The home fans who haven't flounced out sing some defiant choruses of "We are West Ham's claret and blue army!".

Saka then cuts inside Emerson and Areola far too easily and fires home the fifth. On 65 minutes Declan Rice fires home a long range screamer. At least he doesn't celebrate and then gets applause from the home fans after he's subbed. 

HOME ALONE

Thankfully the Gunners ease up and it stays at six. Kudus even has a shot saved by Raya's legs. Arsenal have played like prospective champions and West Ham have been terrible. For the Hammers it's the sort of bad day at the office where the photo-copier catches on fire, you get made redundant, the Inland Revenue presents a huge tax demand and there's a heavily-armed ex-employee with a grudge at reception.

Declan Rice comes over to applaud the diehard West Ham fans at the end and gets a good reception. We trudge like shell-shocked WW1 veterans to the Eagle. Nigel is soon to be home re-enacting Michael Palin's Ripping Yarns' "Eight bloody one!" sketch. At least he's been paid £61 not to go to the game, which is the best result of the day. 

Matt suggests we've moved from a low block to a no block. He's on the whisky, though it's tempting to ask for absinthe. Michael muses on his Tainted Love for West Ham over a pint of Guinness. Our collective line is that we have won the series of three games against Arsenal and this was a dead rubber.

Hard to believe the same side beat Arsenal six weeks ago. The sales of Fornals and Benrahma look even stranger with the squad so stretched. It's been a good season up to January, but now is the time to show some character. We need a massive reaction at Nottingham Forest. 

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 6: Coufal 5, Zouma 3 (Mavropanos 5), Aguerd 4, Emerson 3 (Cresswell 4); Johnson 3, Soucek 3, Alvarez 3 (Phillips 4), Ward-Prowse 3; Bowen 4, Kudus 4.

Out to launch

Thanks to everyone who came along to the launch of Massive: The Miracle of Prague at Daunts bookshop in Holland Park. Great to see so many old Hammers friends and the odd supporter of other teams offering solidarity. No sign of the Chelsea Headhunters even though we took their bookshop. Look out for the sequel to Massive in 43 years' time.

Hammers pay for missed chances

Manchester United 3 West Ham 0 

The formation looks better for this one with Phillips dropped, Aguerd back and Emerson and Coufal/Johnson playing as wing backs. The Irons start pretty well with Onana making a fine save to deny Alvarez's header from a corner that Soucek has headed across goal. Areola has to make a flying save to deny Bruno Fernandes from distance and a JWP free-kick hits the wall from a promising position.

But we're behind after 23 minutes.Casemiro wins a tackle in midfield and Hojlund twists inside Aguerd to fire a powerful shot into the corner. There's a decent response from West Ham but without the killer touch. Soucek has an effort deflected wide. Ben Johnson, who is seeing a lot of the ball and having a good game, has a low short saved by Onana. While Avarez's header flashes across goal from a late corner. 

Areola goes off at half time having been caught by Zouma, and on comes Fabianski. The key moment sees Emerson get through after a mistake by Maguire and blaze wide when he could have shot on target or crossed. United go straight down the other end and score, Garnacho's shot taking a wicked deflection off Aguerd. Emerson could certainly have been tighter. Garnacho then makes it worse by nicking Mo Kudus' celebration and sitting on the hoardings.

Rashford fires wide then two more chances arrive for the Irons, Emerson gets through again but fires straight at the keeper. Alvarez has played well and sends a great ball through to Bowen, who hesitates a second too long in front of goal and allows Dalot to make a great block.

Kalvin Phillips comes on for Soucek and is caught in possession, allowing Garnacho to be set up for number three and it's all over. Phillips will get sharper but again a mistake has been punished with a goal. United have played well, but this wasn't a 3-0 game. With better finishing WHU could have got something from this. Improvement is needed in both boxes but for long periods we actually played quite well.

Booked in Newham

Massive book signing at the Newham Bookshop yesterday. Some punters came from as far afield as Southend and Herts so thanks to all who attended and to Vivian, Tom and Finn. And a fine pint in the refurbished Boleyn Tavern afterwards. Here I am with fellow Hammers author Robert Banks, who has an irrational love of trophies.

Computer says no: peak West Ham on deadline day

Well, Said Benrahma's move to Lyon seemed to have fallen through because West Ham didn't send the right papers to Uefa by 11pm. Lyon accused West Ham of a "profound lack of respect" as it all got rather heated, but it's finally been announced that the loan has gone through. Though looking at the lack of width last night Benrahma staying would have been no bad thing for the stretched squad. 

For a long time we didn't know if the club had sold Pablo Fornals due to a "computer problem" but now the move has finally gone through for £6.8 million. Pablo's form had declined but he'll forever be remembered for his winner at Alkmaar and his part in the seasons where we finished sixth and seventh, as well as singing "West Ham is massive!" Adios Pablo. 

Meanwhile the club has missed out on rumoured targets Osman and Jota. Tim Steidten was meant to have professionalised WHU's recruitment, but the glitches on deadline day hardly suggest that. Maybe the club fax just run out of paper. It's one in and three out this window which leaves a too small squad, though Kalvin Phillips should eventually prove a good signing. Hopefully the dealings will be smoother in the summer.

Ward-Prowse earns point for lacklustre Hammers

West Ham 1 Bournemouth 1

It's down to just Michael and myself in the Billy Bonds stand as the game kicks off, with Matt and Lisa delayed at work, Gavin fighting a battle with the West Ham ticket office over a mislaid email with Nigel's ticket, Nigel away on a scouting mission and Fraser watching at home.

Within three minutes West Ham are behind. Zouma plays a poor backwards pass to Kalvin Phillips in a dangerous area. Phillips, lacking match fitness, is indecisive under a challenge from Christie and toe-pokes it straight to Solanke, who scores the easiest goal of his career. Ref Tim Robinson disallows it for offside, only for VAR to show that Phillips got the final touch and the goal stands.

West Ham look way off the pace and playing four central midfielders in Alvarez, Phillips, Soucek and Ward-Prowse just isn't working, while poor Zouma runs with a limp looking increasingly like a centre back held together with gaffer tape. At least Matt, Lisa and eventually Gavin join us. The Irons can't cope with Bournemouth's pressing game and soon Cook is shooting narrowly wide.

It should be two for the Cherries when Areola makes a brilliant save to foil Semenyo. Towards the end of the half the Hammers improve a bit. Ward-Prowse has struggled on the left but gets in a great cross for Bowen to head against Neto. But in another dangerous break, Semenyo has a shot deflected just over.

At half-time we're joined by Garry the son of Ken and Carol of Ken's Cafe fame, plus his daughter Millie. They collect a couple of copies of Massive: The Miracle of Prague and Millie even has a photo taken with the author. The best moment of the game so far.

JUST SOLD MY HOUSE TO JAMES WARD-PROWSE

The crowd do their best to get West Ham going in the second half, with the returning Mo Kudus our best hope. He makes a surging run into the box and is brought down by Kelly. The ref doesn't give it, but VAR intervenes. The ref appears to be time-wasting as he slowly walks to the monitor, but eventually gives the penalty. Ward-Prowse puts it straight down the middle and scores. 

Ings comes on for Phillips but it's still a struggle as the Cherries threaten. Bowen heads wide from a Ward-Prowse free-kick but chances are few. Zouma has shown character to play through his dodgy knee problem, as he makes a lumbering charge forwards inspiring some literary comparisons from Michael. Dinos has a pretty good game at the back. 

The Vicar's Son becomes increasingly exasperated by the ref giving us very little, the play-acting of the Bournemouth players going down with cramp and a late flag, at which point he accuses the lino of being an anchor, or something like that.

Late on Areola has to make another fine save to deny Kelly. Christie is booked for a cynical foul on Kudus, while Bowen plays like he's not yet fully fit. "What is the point of that!" howls Matt in a fit of existential despair when Cornet comes on the the 96th minute. 

We head off down the walkways to the Eagle, past the flats that Matt says are used as the setting for the film All Of Us Strangers. At least the East London Pale Ale is refreshing. I'm grateful for a point in a game where we played badly. West Ham haven't won this year in five games, though to be fair we're unbeaten in the league with three draws. Things might get better with Coufal and Aguerd to return to the side, plus maybe even Antonio and eventually Paqueta, though currently we really struggle without Lucas. Phillips will get match fit and Bowen will get sharper after his injury. 

Then comes the deadline day news on the TV and it seems we can't even sell players effectively, though that might help our small squad. Time for another drink. 

PLAYER RAINGS: Areola 8; Johnson 6, Zouma 5, Mavropanos 7, Emerson 6; Phillips 5 (Ings 5) , Alvarez 6, Soucek 5, Ward-Prowse 6; Kudus 7 (Cornet n/a), Bowen 5.

Massive signing at the Newham Bookshop

Looking forward to signing copies of Massive: The Miracle of Prague at the Newham Bookshop on Saturday. It's also a chance for fans to relive a few memories of the Boleyn Ground. Ken's Cafe might have gone, the stadium is no more but at least the Boleyn is now a rather classy gastro pub with some great Victorian fixtures and fittings. While the Newham Bookshop remains a great community asset and purveyor of all that's best in the book world.