At last some Kudus for Irons

West Ham United 2 Newcastle United 2 

The London Stadium is burning on a ridiculously hot October afternoon - proof that the last thing Rishi should be doing is allowing more oil wells and encouraging the Laurence Fox brigade. Away from planetary concerns Matt and Lisa have been to a Kings Place talk on Rachmaninoff (so genteel that Matt felt he couldn't wear colours) which strangely enough wasn't full of members of the Toon Army. Fraser is tanned from a trip to Benidorm, Michael has been networking at Politicos bookshop and Nigel's been to see Muse live. 

The Hammers start well and take the lead early on. Antonio finds Paqueta who plays a lovely ball over the defence to Emerson. His touch is good and the full-back takes it round the onrushing Pope and crosses for Soucek to score with a simple finish. That's Tomas's fourth goal of the season - he's already beaten last season's tally. 

West Ham play well in the first half with Paqueta showing some delightful touches and Alvarez strong in the tackle. Guimaraes is booked for a foul on Emerson but then is bizarrely spared a second yellow after a late tackle on Ward-Prowse. Emerson gets booked for waving an imaginary card, but Almiron escapes for the same offence. Dan Burn has a header just wide of the post but apart from that Newcastle never really get going after their midweek win against PSG.

At half time Matt produces his copy of When Saturday Comes and shares the article revealing that the smallest settlement in Europe to have a team in the top division is Loughall FC from County Armagh in Northern Ireland, a village with a population of 232. Some groundhopper types are visiting the Lakeview Stadium because of this, not that this would appeal to any of our number. We're also joined at the break by Nigel's pal Reg and his son Kurt 'Henry' Cobain. In row 63 Reg seems to think the London Stadium can't compare with the intimacy of Barrow FC. 

Predictably enough Darth Vader's Newcastle improve in the second half after words from Eddie Howe. Alvarez sends a diving header narrowly wide but it's all Newcastle after that as Areola makes a great stop from Burn's header.

Paqueta is involved in a fifty-fifty tussle but the ref gives the Toon a very soft free kick. Alvarez heads the free-kick across his own box, playing Isak onside, who scores. "You're not fit to referee!" chant the home fans. Three minutes later Trippier gets down the right, just onside, and lobs a cross in to Isak, who scores as Aguerd and Coufal lose concentration while appealing for offside.

DRAWING DRAWING WEST HAM

It could easily be three when Burn's pass dissects the Hammers defence, Isak rounds Areola and shoots against the base of the post. The keeper has done well to not bring the Newcast'e forward down and it's a turning point. Perhaps sensing that he can't wind up the Vicar's Son any more without spontaneous combustion, Moyes finally brings on Kudus and Benrahma. 

Kudus has an instant impact impressing with his control and turns. A Ward-Prowse free-kick goes over the bar, unlike his Southampton efforts. Just as Michael is bemoaning another loss to his Newcastle bête noire, Coufal pays the ball inside to Kudus. The former Ajax man takes one touch and half-volleys home a crisp finish into the bottom corner before running to the Bobby Moore Stand. Now that was classy. 

"West Ham are massive!" echoes around the stadium as the crowd sense a late winner. They almost get it when Bowen cuts in on his left foot and his low drive is just touched by Pope, denying Benrahma a tap-in at the far post. 

I SOLD MY CAR TO LUCAS PAQUETA

The whistle goes and we'll take 2-2 against the Sportswashers, who are likely to be in the top six at least. We retreat to the Eagle's beer garden where two pub teams are on the TV and Nigel tests Matt on what is unique about St Johnstone. They are of course the only UK league team to have a 'J' in their name. We also learn that Nigel, who is off to see Jay Rayner's jazz night, has this week seen a version of Wishbone Ash play. They split but not in the style of a wishbone, with whoever gets the biggest half keeping the band name.

As Sinead provides the East London Pale Ale we have a discussion concerning Lucas Paqueta songs including, "There's nobody better than Lucas Paqueta!" and of course, "Just sold my car to Lucas Paqueta!" to the tune of the We Buy Any Car ad. Nigel leaves wondering if he can do a deal with Lucas for his Honda.

So the international break arrives with the Hammers seventh and on 14 points while topping our Europa League group. Not a bad start at all.

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 7; Coufal 7, Zouma 6, Aguerd 6, Emerson 7: Alvarez 7, Ward-Prowse 6, Paqueta 7, Soucek 7 (Kudus 8); Bowen 7, Antonio 6 (Benrahma 6).