It's a full-scale programme disaster. Despite arriving through the security barrier from Hackney Wick at 7.20pm the programmes have sold out. Matt, Lisa, Michael, CQ and Nigel have found the same thing at the Stratford gates. Only Fraser, the Fonz of programme collectors, has somehow managed to do a deal to secure one.
We're treated to a Raise the Flag mosaic reading "Irons", flame-throwers and fireworks before kick-off in front of an expectant crowd, most of whom appear to have had a sniff of the barmaid's apron. Billy Beane is in the crowd to view West Ham, the least Moneyball club in football.
The Irons start well, with Antonio's pace and Benrahma's dribbling testing the Alkmaar defence and Benni doing well to get in a quick shot that Ryan tips past the post. But it's also clear that keeper Matt Ryan and his defenders are going to waste as much time as possible and Alkmaar are a decent passing side capable of slowing the game down. The ref is not giving Antonio anything after some of his more theatrical falls and the official makes some bizarre and fussy decisions.
The Hammers go behind after 41 minutes. The players are distracted claiming for a foul after Paqueta appears to be pushed and allow Alkmaar to break. Soucek doesn't come out quickly enough to close down Reijinders, who fires home a shot from outside the box that Areola should have saved.
The atmosphere turns more febrile, with some angry Herberts behind us moaning about every misplaced pass. If only they could be more positive like my pal the Vicar's Son. Michael is tempted to resurrect his Shakespearian insults to raise the tone. Damn your eyes, referee!
At half-time there's a straw poll on whether Nigel should eat his lucky banana. Times are desperate and we vote unanimously for eating.
One thing this side does have now is a degree of resilience. The Hammers step it up in the second half and Bowen goes close with a typical cut inside on to his left foot. The breakthrough comes when Paqueta crosses into the box, Soucek heads it back to Bowen who heads over, but a second later is punched in the head by Ryan. A clear penalty and a booking for the keeper. Said Benrahma does well to keep cool while Ryan time-wastes and then strike it into the corner.
The crowd becomes more positive and "West Ham are massive!" rings around the stadium. Zouma makes a great run into the box only to be ignored as Kehrer plays in several wayward crosses. The winner comes with 15 minutes left. Bowen's corner is flicked on by Zouma, Rice gathers it on the left and crosses into the box. Aguerd's header is cleared off the line but Antonio is on hand to poke home. Michail runs to the bouncing Bobby Moore Stand. CQ later praises Antonio for an old-school joyful celebration rather than the usual choreographed routine.
It's almost three when Benrahma plays a neat give and go with sub Danny Ings only to fire over. The Hammers see the game out without too much difficulty and now take a slender lead to Holland. The second leg won't be easy.
Over a pint of Brixton Pale Ale we learn that Agent Nigel is going to Brentford undercover with a young Bees fan as hostage beside him on Sunday. He's also set to complete every home game this season. Matt would have the home games set but he had to work on the evening of the FCSB game when the Queen inconveniently died. He's still upset the game wasn't postponed allowing him to go to the rearranged tie. Though none of us can compete with uber-fan Lisa's four games in a weekend.
We head off to the Elizabeth Line to see lots of police hopefully wasting the time of the Alkmaar fans. So it's a one-goal lead and a nervous trip to the pub next Thursday as we seek our first trophy in 43 years. Irons!
PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 5; Kehrer 6, Zouma 7, Aguerd 7, Cresswell 6; Rice 7, Soucek 6, Paqueta 6, Benrahma 8 (Fornals n/a); Bowen 7, Antonio 7 (Ings 6).
2 comments:
So the lucky banana worked then? Well done Nigel!
His lucky banana has great power...
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