West Ham 0 Liverpool 2
Pre-match it's in to the Best Cafe where Matt is enjoying a Halloumi baguette with chips and Scott and Joe are also sampling the fine cuisine (Alison can't be with them as she's playing in goal for the Scousers). Matt helpfully points out that West Ham are the only team Liverpool haven't beaten this season thanks to our cunning tactic of not playing them.
Matt and myself experience a near-disaster at the stadium as the last programme is sold in front of us, though thankfully a trip to the WHU gazebo finds a secret collection of programmes, including one for the tardy Nigel. Inside we find my daughter Lola, Fraser and eventually latecomer Lisa.
Michael the Renaissance Playwright thought he had a ticket for the theatre but has been disappointed. Having promised his West Ham ticket to Lisa, he proves a man of honour — rather like Ron Greenwood refusing to sign Gordon Banks because he had shaken on a deal for Bobby Ferguson — and insists Lisa goes to the match.
Before the game Tomas Soucek is introduced to the crowd and the team then come on accompanied by flame throwers. The crowd is up for this one and we play a lot better than against West Brom. The big shock is that young Jeremy Ngakia is making his debut at right back, with Moyes deciding the ageing legs of Zabaleta can't be risked against the pacy Liverpool wing-backs. Jeremy plays without fear and has a fine game, overlapping well to get several crosses in.
The Hammers work hard playing a containing game, but after 15 minutes have their first serious attack as Masuaku's cross is prodded wide by an offside Lanzini. Liverpool's only real effort in half an hour has been a Robertson cross shot that Diop has cleared.
But then comes the sort of penalty that the big teams always seem to get. Firmino does well to keep the ball alive and play it towards Origio, who falls very easily in a tangle with Diop. After a couple of minutes of VAR debate it's given and Salah strokes home the penalty.
THEY'RE GOING TO WIN THE LEAGUE
The second half starts promisingly as Rice gets in a cross but Lanzini scuffs a volley that he might normally score with. "We're so nearly a good team," laments Lola.
At the other end Fabianski makes a fabulous save from Firmino. Things go wrong when WHU get a corner. Vin Dijk heads clear, Noble and Masuaku can't control the loose ball and Salah breaks at speed to send a lovely ball with the outside of his boot in towards Oxlade-Chamberlain. Lanzini has got back but isn't strong enough to stop the Liverpool man, who strokes home.
At two goals down the Hammers give it a good go. Snodgrass draws a fine save from Alisson. Masuaku has the beating of Alexander-Arnold and sends in a great low cross that Haller fails to anticipate.
The out-of-form Lanzini is subbed to a few cheers, which as Moyes later says, won't improve his confidence. The best moment is when Rice storms through from midfield to shoot at Alisson and Alexander-Arnold pokes the rebound on to his own post.
Salah hits the outside of the post and late on Alisson makes a superb save to tip away Rice's header from Snodgrass' whipped-in free-kick.
The game ends with Liverpool 19 points clear and still unbeaten. They are strolling the league and the world-class Salah simply glides through the game, so it's positive that we have at least ruffled Liverpool at times.
We head to the Refreshment Rooms where Nigel (who against all health advice is drinking Corona) reveals that when he can't sleep he counts up all the different gig venues he's been too; resulting in reminiscences of the Marquee, the Mean Fiddler, the Rainbow, the Lyceum, the Hammersmith Palais and many more obscure venues.
So it's back again on Saturday for the six-pointer against Brighton before away games at Man City and Liverpool again. But at least there were some positives to take from a spirited performance against the Champions elect.
PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 7; Ngakia 6, Ogbonna 6, Diop 5, Cresswell 6, Masuaku 7; Snodgrass 7, Rice 7, Noble 6, Lanzini 5 (Fornals 5); Haller 5.
Today's Guardian quotes David Moyes as saying that, "We are looking to bring in young, attractive and hungry players." Which sounds rather like recruiting a boy band after they haven't eaten all day — and certainly rules out Iain Dowie. What the gaffer seems to mean is that he wants young players with a resale value who aren't bought just "to fill a gap". The same article also mentions Joe Cole's comments on BT Sport when he said he'd played at West Ham with players who regarded it as the place to take a nice holiday in London.
At least Moyes has a vision and that would seem to involve adding a bit of height to the side. Likely new signing Tomas Soucek is 6ft 4ins and the club is also bidding for 22-year-old right-back Rasmus Kristensen, another six-footer. The club has wasted far too much money in the last decade. Buying potential is surely the right way way to go.
At last some progress. A loan deal has been agreed for Slavia Prague's Tomas Soucek and he's having a medical at West Ham. Whatever he's like he has to be better than Carlos Sanchez and the early signs seem promising. He has scored ten goals this season and can play a defensive midfield role but also get forward. At 6ft 4ins he also looks pretty handy with his head in the box (to judge by YouTube at least), which would be a bonus. He is only 24 and has 25 caps for his country so hopefully he won't be another player regarding a move to West Ham as a pension top-up. We just have to hope he can adapt quickly to a new league.
Meanwhile David Moyes has said a bid is in for another player. With the club having announced a £27 million loss for the last financial year it has to be said the board did back Pellegrini with cash, but his recruitment was poor. This time we have to spend more wisely.
Saturday's defeat demonstrated just how poor the current West Ham squad is and the club desperately needs at least three signings to survive. Of the current squad Sanchez and Ajeti aren't good enough, Wilshere is surely finished, Zabaleta is a great pro but now too slow for the PL and Yarmolenko is struggling after last season's career-threatening injury. Even Noble is 33 in May and as he says, the side can't keep relying on him forever.
Assuming the strongest WHU side is say Fabianski; Fredericks, Diop, Ogbonna, Cresswell; Snodgrass, Rice, Noble, Anderson; Antonio and Haller that leaves a bench of just Randolph, Fornals, Lanzini, Masuaku, Balbuena and possibly the recovering Winston Reid. That would be if we had no injuries, something that never ever happens with the Irons. So effectively we're trying to survive with a 16-man squad.
Moyes desperately needs midfield cover for Rice and Noble, another striker to cover for the injury-prone Antonio and a right-back to cover for Fredericks. The only problem is West Ham's recruitment process is in disarray with Mario Husillos having been sacked. While today's Guardian reports that the sons of both Husillos and Pellegrini were useed as scouts, which hardly inspires confidence. We can already imagine David Sullivan panicking at the thought of paying more cash for Cash from Nottingham Forest.
But something should be possible. Moyes has spent a year and a half looking at football and must have some ideas, while our owners have to realise that their investment and stadium will diminish hugely in value if West Ham go down. Loan deals would also offer more bodies and a fairly risk-free option. It's a bad time to buy, but if the club don't gamble then relegation awaits.
West Ham 0 West Brom 1 (FA Cup)
What could possibly go wrong against a side of West Brom's reserves managed by Slaven Bilic? Matt, Lisa and West Brom fan Kirk have booked late and are in the back of Row Z, so I'm with Fraser and Michael, with Clacton Irons Scott, Joe and super sub Biff (Alison has succumbed to a foul-weather virus) in a bank of three behind us.
West Ham start slowly and get slower. Sanchez looks way too immobile to be a Premier League player and Balbuena gives the ball away with every pass. Even Rice is passing straight to the men in yellow and green and Lanzini is still struggling to find any form. WBA take a deserved lead when Sanchez plays the ball against Diop's legs and the ball rebounds to Townsend, who fires a strong shot into the corner.
Austin misses a great headed chance and Albion should be winning by more at the break. Moyes has seen enough and makes a triple substitution at the break, bringing on Noble, Antonio and Ogbonna.
Art the start of the second half the woman in front of us throws up. This is the first time I've known West Ham make a fan physically ill. We have to move to escape the smell of vomit.
The Hammers improve marginally. Haller pokes a tame shot wide and Lanzini and Noble are also both just wide with decent attempts. Ajeti shows terrible control to fluff one opportunity but does have a decent back-header fly just wide.
Even the sending off of Ajayi for a second yellow on Ajeti doesn't make us look like winning. It's not until the 90th minute that Bond has to save an on-target shot from Rice. To sum it all up Antonio's cross rebounds to Noble in added time and skipper blazes a simple chance over the bar.
The crowd have done their best to raise the side in the second half but the Hammers leave the pitch to a chorus of boos. I text Nigel to inform him that the Cup Final breakfast in Kew has been postponed until 2021. We exit to the the Usain Boat bar on the River Lea. Drinking Doom Bar on a chilly boat in the dark is an apt end to the afternoon. I retreat to watch The Personal History of David Copperfield, though even Mr Micawber might struggle to believe that something will turn up for the Irons. Michael leaves with me to attend a Burns night in Archway. Only access to the stadium is now barred and we have to trek through a post-apocalyptic darkened building site to eventually find Hackney Wick.
This awful performance is a clear message to Sullivan and Moyes. The squad isn't good enough and unless we make signings in defence, midfield and attack we're going down.
PLAYER RATINGS: Randolph 6; Zabaleta 5, Diop 5, Balbuena 3 (Ogbonna 5), Cresswell 5; Fornals 5 (Antonio 6), Rice 5, Sanchez 2 (Noble 5), Lanzini 4; Ajeti 5, Haller 4.
It's not all gloom. The Sun reports that Victoria Beckham is selling a £590 alpaca wool blend jumper that is pretty much identical to a West Ham shirt. Clearly Posh and Becks must have very affectionate memories of the reception they used to receive at Upton Park. Seems like an absolute bargain to me…
Leicester City 4 West Ham 1
It's to the World's End with Lisa for this one, though without too much hope of getting a result. Relentless pressure results in Barnes poking Leicester ahead, with Diop looking rather slow in getting to him and Barnes appearing to be marginally offside. Vardy goes off with a hamstring pull but Leicester still advance. There are 20 seconds left of the half when West Ham allow Pereira to fire in from the edge of the box.
Moyes abandons five at the back at half-time and the Irons have the perfect start when Antonio is felled in the box and a slightly iffy penalty is dispatched down the middle by Noble. We look better with Antonio up front alongside Haller and there's almost a chance to equalise as Antonio backheels the ball and Lanzini almost pokes home.
But the Irons' passing is often askew and we frequently go backwards or misplace simple balls. Leicester have much more energy and pace. Randolph makes a great save from Maddison. Ogbonna should probably go off after a bad fall on his back. He gives away a pretty clumsy penalty for the third and is then slow to close down as Perez grabs a fourth.
It's a tonking in the end and we're right down in the relegation mire. Leicester are a quality team but WHU didn't show enough here. Hammers have to get something from the next two home games against, gulp, Liverpool and then Brighton.
Strange that the club has let the legendary Roberto go on loan to Deportivo Alaves, where he will join Lucas Perez. Roberto was surely the greatest West Ham goalkeeper since Allen McKnightmare. The calamity keeper was a strange set of contradictions; after punching a corner into his own goal against Burnley he then produced a series of brilliant saves to keep the score down. He seemed all arms and legs and I've rarely seen a keeper induce such panic in his own box.
Roberto joins a long line of dodgy Hammers' keepers. We had the original Calamity James, who was a quality goalkeeper, but produced quite a few rickets in our relegation season. Plus the less good Sasa Ilic who played one match that ended in a 4-0 home defeat. And of course there was Perry Suckling and late-period Mervyn Day getting lobbed from the halfway line. While we chose Bobby Ferguson over Gordon Banks. Nurse, the screens…
West Ham 1 Everton 1
There's a pre-match demonstration against the board outside the Aquatics Centre, though at kick-off the mood isn't anything like as rebellious as at the Burnley game two years ago. I'm with my old pal Jackie, Fraser, Michael the Tainted Whovian, and Matt and Lisa who have been to see the Under-18s in the morning, as you do. Plus Clacton foul-weather fans Alison and Scott complaining about the sun getting in their eyes — who put us in these seats?
The first half starts tamely but West Ham slowly impose themselves. Noble does well to get in a cross that Haller heads wide. The skipper impresses again as he dispossesses Digne to set up Haller. Seb's shot is too close to Pickford who saves with his feet.
The Hammers do take the lead on 40 minutes. An excellent whipped free kick from Snodgrass is glanced into the corner of the net by the recalled Issa Diop. We've scored from a set piece.
Everton have looked pretty disjointed so far and all we have to do is hold out until half-time. Only Everton ruin the plan by getting a corner. Holgate gets above Rice to flick it on and Calvert Lewin scores with a diving header as he reacts quicker than Zabaleta. Sod it. Poor defending to concede from a corner. There's still time for the Irons to almost re-take the lead as Zabaleta's cross is met by Fornals and Pickford pulls off a great one-handed save.
DRAWING DRAWING WEST HAM
It's down to the concourse at half-time to discuss vegan Cumberland sausages, Shackleton's Stowaway and the fact Michael is writing a musical based on the songs of Mark Almond and not Soft Cell — anything but the football.
The second half sees Everton start with more purpose as Davies heads wide. But it's a fairly even game as West Ham come back to search for a winner. Credit to the London Stadium crowd who raise the atmosphere in the second half with chants of "We Are West Ham's Claret and Blue Army" and Bubbles. Zabaleta might be slowing but he has a storming second half. The closest WHU effort is when Snodgrass has a deflected shot that Pickford has to turn round the post, even if it might have been drifting wide.
Haller is struggling though, often misplacing simple lay-offs and not looking a £45 million player. When he's partnered late on by Ajeti it's too much for the Vicar's Son, who threatens to step back from West Ham duties while supporting himself.
Ajeti does look fired up, which makes a change. He clatters into a couple of tackles and gets a big cheer. Maybe too fired up. As MOTD later reveals, he puts his head back into Holgate, causing the Everton man to collapse to the ground. Zabaleta then gets involved and there's a big melee which certainly gets the crowd going. There's a VAR review and Ajeti, who hasn't shown any great intelligence, rather luckily escapes a red card.
There's still time for a kid (or is it Tony Cottee?) to invade the pitch at the end. As Fraser points out, if you're going to get a lifetime ban you might as well do it at that age to make it worthwhile.
The game fades out, but it's the sort of match we would have lost under Pellegrini, so in a way it's progress. What is clear though is that we've missed the injured Anderson and Antonio, players who can beat defenders, even if the team passing has at times been good.
We retreat to the Refreshment Rooms for the best part of the day. Two points dropped perhaps, though Everton have a better squad than their position suggests. On the positive side the team looked more confident with the reliable Randolph in goal. Moyes still has work to do, but at least it's another point on the board. Under Pellegrini we either won or lost — a few draws might be key to staying up.
PLAYER RATINGS: Randolph 6; Zabaleta 7; Diop 7, Ogbonna 6; Cresswell 6; Fornals 6 (Masuaku 5), Rice 6, Noble 7, Snodgrass 7, Lanzini 5 (Ajeti 5); Haller 5.
There's a two-page interview with David Sullivan in the Evening Standard marking the tenth anniversary of Sullivan and David Gold taking over the club. It's interesting to look at the Standard's 'rollercoaster ride' summary of the ten years. There certainly hasn't been the promised progress of qualifying for the Champions League in seven years. Basically the club has stood still, starting off struggling in the Premiership and ten years later still struggling in the Premiership.
There have been some positives; the owners saving the club from bankruptcy through their loans (for which they are being repaid); winning the Play-Off Final in 2012 under Sam Allardyce; finishing seventh in the final season at the Boleyn and finishing tenth a couple of times under Big Sam and Pellegrini. But also a lot of lows, no trophies, relegation under Avram Grant, the pitch invasion against Burnley, the problems of the London Stadium, having FC Astra as a Romanian bogey side and the sackings of Grant, Allardyce, Bilic and Pellegrini.
There doesn't seem to have been a coherent plan. Any club that veers from Gianfranco Zola to Avram Grant, Sam Allardyce, Slaven Bilic, David Moyes, Manuel Pellegrini and Moyes again doesn't know what it wants. Recruitment has veered from brilliant signings like Payet to wasting lots of money on underachieving strikers. Too little has been spent on defenders and goalkeepers. While with the sacking of Mario Husillos there is still no director of football.
Above all there's been the issue of the new stadium. It's in the right place with the right capacity, but the wrong design.The club is in a better position financially with 60,000 gates and better transport links and the stadium might work eventually, but given the problems of the last five seasons and lack of progress most fans would surely with hindsight have opted to remain at the Boleyn.
Things could be worse. We could have the owners of say Newcastle, Hull or Blackburn. But there doesn't seem to have been much of a strategy from the two Davids and Karren Brady beyond moving stadiums. If their next few years in charge are to be better then they need a blueprint for success and to stop simply reacting to the latest crisis.
So finally the Daren Randolph deal has gone through and he's signed for £5 million. It seems he'll be fit for Saturday too, which is a relief after all the medicals. One fact I'd forgotten was that he played in the last WHU game at Upton Park against Manchester United. Though of course the cheapest option of all would have been to meet Adrian's wage demands and keep him at the club last summer... Anyway, just as long as Randolph doesn't have to take a goal kick everything should be fine.
West Ham's search for a goalkeeper has gained even more urgency after Lucasz Fabianski's injury against Sheffield United (though latest news is it might only be a few weeks he's out). It's reported the club has offered £7 million for Cardiff's Neil Etheridge, who certainly had some cracking games in the Premier League with City and could be a good signing. Meanwhile the medical for Middlesbrough's Darren Randolph is on hold because of his though injury. The last thing WHU need is another injured keeper so you can understand the club's caution. David Martin looks a capable deputy despite Friday's ricket, but we can't rely on him as number one for half a season.
In fact just having a goalkeeper who could take a goal kick without injury would be progress. Alternatively we could just take the five-a-side approach and play each outfield player in goal until they let in a goal and then the next player has a go. Or maybe just play a rush goalie?
Sheffield United 1 West Ham 0 (but should have been 1)
In our never-ending search for a lucky pub, it's off to the Auld Triangle with Her Indoors who is now Irish, Lisa and my neighbour Nick. Matt's away trying to persuade Harry and Meghan not to tear up their royal season tickets.
Proof the Gods are against us arrives early as Fabianski collapses on the turf after taking a goal kick. That's three injuries West Ham have had this season resulting from taking goal kicks. David Martin comes on and although Sheffield have a couple of half-chances West Ham's five-man defence looks much more solid than under Pellegrini. Felipe Anderson has the best chance of the half only to slot wide after outpacing the Blades' defence.
The start of the second half is all Sheffield and they take the lead with a calamitous goal. Martin plays a short goal kick to Balbuena who isn't ready, Fleck wins the ball and McBurnie taps home. It's a big ricket but signed as third-choice keeper Martin's done brilliantly for us so far and provided the best moment of the season at Stamford Bridge, so it's hard to be too critical.
West Ham then show real character to come back into the game. Martin makes a decent stop from Mousset to partially redeem himself and the Hammers have chances on the break. Balbuena heads into the ground and over the bar while Haller has a goal correctly disallowed for offside. Lanzini has a free kick saved and misses a good chance by shooting at the keeper when he could have squared it for Haller. Snodgrass causes a lot of problems with his free-kicks.
Just as Lisa asks why it's only other teams who equalise in added time Rice makes a barnstorming run through the centre and finds Snoddy, who fires in off the post. The pub erupts with joy (or at least the four of us watching the game) and Snodgrass does his best choreographed celebration in front of the away fans.
But then comes sodding VAR. A United defender has headed the ball onto Rice's hand in the build-up and though it's unintentional the new rule says all handballs have to be penalised. How to take the joy out of the game. David Moyes gives his Glasgow death stare on the touchline. It's not the despair I can't take... The law needs to be changed as goals are being disallowed for unintentional offences not visible to the naked eye.
So we now have an unlucky VAR pub. Without Fabianski's injury and VAR we might even have won this against the fifth-placed Blades. The result wasn't there but an encouraging away performance. Now all we need is a goalkeeper...
Thanks to a dodgy autocorrect my pal Matt has just registered his dismay that David Moyes is, according to Sky Sports, considering signing Fellini. Though why we would need to sign a deceased Italian film director is uncertain. Still, he might add some artistic vision to the midfield. My other WHU pal Michael responded that he would like Zeffirelli to shore up the defence. Or maybe we could use Tarantino to murder opposition defences?
As for the real Marouane Fellaini, it's possibly all paper talk. We could find elbow room for an awkward lump in midfield, but preferably one who's a bit faster and younger than Fellaini. Though it should be pointed out that Mourinho liked him at Man United and he won the FA Cup, League Cup and Europa League while at Old Trafford, so he is not quite the donkey some fans suggest. It's a shame we didn't get Leander Dendoncker in the last January window, who eventually went to Wolves — particularly as he sounds suspiciously like one of the products our owners might sell in Ann Summers...
So it's Slaven Bilic's West Brom in the FA Cup. I'm sure Super Slav will get a good reception. He looked really exhausted when he left West Ham, but has proved he's a capable gaffer at WBA. The stadium move would have tested any manager and Bilic gave us the best season of recent years when we finished seventh in the final stint at Upton Park. Just look at his tears after the final whistle against Man United on the Iron Men film and you'll know that he gets the West Ham Way.
Meanwhile it seems that Darren Randolph is set to re-join the club from Middlesbrough for £4 million (less than we sold him for). You get what you pay for and finally the club will have a decent understudy to Fabianski. Though frankly Ray Winstone might have been an improvement on Roberto. Darren has already played 28 times for the Hammers and proved he's a very able goalkeeper. Let's hope this deal gets done.
Gillingham 0 West Ham 2 (FA Cup)
It's off to watch this one with Matt at the World's End, where Cup Fever has ensured we're the only two fans in front of the big screen.
The first half is pretty poor, with the Hammers under-hitting or over-hitting passes and Fabianski having to make a smart stop to deny the home side. At least the three centre backs do well to repel the aerial onslaught. The bad news is that Fredericks suffers a hamstring injury and has to be replaced by Zabaleta. Surely the Irons will have to move for a right back if Ryan is out for several weeks?
West Ham play much better in the second half, despite Haller horribly slicing an early one-on-one chance way over the bar. Sebastien then hits the post from a tight angle and Rice has a clear penalty turned down when his shirt is tugged. Eventually the breakthrough comes as Masuaku and Anderson combine to cross only for Fornals to miss the ball. Zabaleta doesn't though, striking a shot clean through the Gills' keeper Bonham. His first goal for West Ham.
Ogbonna does well as the Hammers defence has to survive a series of Gillingham corners. But the second arrives as Haller breaks and inexplicably fails to play in Lanzini to his left, instead passing to Anderson on the right. Felipe does well to win the lose ball and set up Fornals who fires into the corner. Game over.
It hasn't been pretty, but the Hammers have shown some character to get through. The Cup Final breakfast at Nigel's Kew Gardens gaff is still on...
So far David Moyes has delivered simple instructions well. Mark Noble is never going to criticise a West Ham manager, but he was pretty fulsome in his praise in his Evening Standard column, writing of Moyes: "He tells you what you need to do well, but also how you can improve. He is direct but never personal. He's the best I've ever experienced at telling you exactly how it is — but not belittling you."
The players had clearly been told that more commitment and pressing from the front was required. It was heartening to see Anderson, of all people, eagerly closing down centre backs along with a rejuvenated Haller. Playing Felipe behind Haller was good tactics and what many of us wished Pellegrini had tried. The side also looked more solid defensively with Snodgrass and Fornals tracking back, while WHU were still able to use Fredericks on the overlap.
If Moyes wants to build on his good start he should name a strong side at Gillingham today and aim to get a run going in the FA Cup. Survival is undoubtedly his first priority, but he also needs to remember that winning is a good habit — and that Pellegrini's woes began with the 4-0 capitulation at Oxford in the League Cup.
West Ham 4 (four) Bournemouth 0
The Irons are in the relegation zone at kick-off, but at least there's a full turn-out from our group. Clacton foul-weather supporters Alison and Scott are back, as are Fraser, who has been talked down from his one-man protest on top of the ArcelorMittal Orbit, Michael, Nigel and Matt, to whom I hand the Guardian's Harry Styles interview as requested by Lisa, who wants it for 'a friend'. Matt suggests that West Ham are also only going in One Direction.
There's a muted atmosphere at the start as the crowd seem to be weighing up the new Moyes regime and a few gaps left by refuseniks. But Moyes has sensibly told the players to concentrate on winning the crowd over. Seeing Noble steam into some tackles and set up Fornals for a chance sets the tone. The sensible tweak of playing Anderson in a free role behind Haller is also working well.
After 17 minutes the breakthrough arrives. Anderson finds Snodgrass with a lovely reverse pass and the Scot pulls it back to the edge of the box for Noble to stroke home via a hefty deflection off Steve Cook. Still, you make your own luck by getting shots away.
There's a brief scare after VAR investigates a possible penalty given away by Ogbonna but the verdict is no foul. It gets better. Fredericks crosses and Haller acrobatically volleys home a brilliant goal. That's what we paid £45 million for.
NOBLE CAUSE
Incredibly we go three up after 35 minutes. Noble makes a determined run into the box and wins a penalty which he calmly strokes home. Moyes has not read the script; we are supposed to go three goals down at home before we start playing.
Seeing the side win 50-50 tackles is astonishing and shows just how low things had got under Pellegrini. Manuel must also be having a rueful smile watching this, wondering why such lavishly-rewarded players didn't put in such a shift for him. Bournemouth are injury-ravaged and take 44 minutes to have a shot. But they have recently beaten Chelsea and drawn with Arsenal, so can't be that bad. And normally WHU roll over for any team on a bad run.
But still the home fans are worried, as we recall losing three-goal leads to Wimbledon and West Brom. In the Ladies at half-time Alison meets a fan who is waiting to use her 'lucky cubicle' — you can't be too careful where WHU are concerned.
The second half sees Bournemouth have more possession after two substitutions but Ogbonna is resolute at the back and Rice has a fine game in front of the back four. On 66 minutes Declan plays a fantastic through ball for Anderson, who kills it with a piece of brilliant control and runs on to slot past Ramsdale. That's the goal he needed. Felipe goes down on his knees to pray to God or VAR as He is otherwise known. After a nervous pause the goal is given. Fraser says he never doubted Captain Moyes for a second.
Proof that things are going WHU's way comes when Cresswell correctly has a red card changed to a yellow by VAR and Solanke's header bounces off the post into Fabianski's arms. Encouragingly Haller is bullying the Bournemouth defenders, something someone with his physique needs to do more of.
Lanzini comes on and has a close-range header superbly parried by Ramsdale. Astonishingly every West Ham pass is now being greeted by cries of "ole!" as a superb move ends with Fornals shooting too close to the keeper. What a difference four days makes.
WE'VE WON AT HOME!
Matt suggest we collectively break our alcohol-free January vows to celebrate with a pint or two. All across London Veganuary is surely ending as the meat-free tuck into cheesesteaks. The unprecedented has happened.
The atmosphere in the Refreshment Rooms is full of unusual bonhomie as Nigel recounts a list of his favourite Carry On films and reveals that CQ thought we should never have got rid of Moyes. The BBC is referring to "Moyes magic". Fraser says he found all this negativity about the new manager very strange. When it's suggested that if A Yeti (aka Ajeti) scores Moyes really will have worked some magic, Michael quips, "I wouldn't like Tibet on it". Finally the real cause of our success is revealed — Nigel has forgotten to eat his lucky banana at half-time.
We're unbeaten this decade. It's West Ham's biggest Premier League home victory since 2007. We've waited since September for this and can finally bask in the glow of a thumping victory — at least until we play Gillingham on Sunday. Irons!
PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Fredericks 7, Balbuena 7, Ogbonna 8, Cresswell 7; Snodgrass 8, Rice 8, Noble 9, Fornals 7 (Masuaku 7); Anderson 8 (Lanzini 7), Haller 8.
