It's into the London Stadium to find no claret carpet again. Is David Sullivan personally knitting it? Scott says that Alison has recovered from long-term injury but, rather like a West Ham player, has succumbed to a minor niggle returning from Saint Lucia, though Matt and Lisa are there, along with Fraser, who has strained his shoulder trying to write a book in 25 days, as you do.
It's a terrible start for the Hammers as after 30 seconds Zabaleta plays a weak back pass straight into the path of Babel, who hesitates and fires it at Fabianski. West Ham don't heed the warning though and after three minutes go a goal down as Sessegnon's cross is swept home by Babel. It seems the lads are still warm weather training. A tardy Nigel arrives just after the goal.
THERE'S ONLY ONE F IN FULHAM
That goal sparks West Ham into life and even though the side struggle for rhythm, a series of Snodgrass corners start to test the Fulham defence. If signing Havard Nortdveit to play centre back is the solution to their defensive problems then they must be massive. Despite being held, Diop gets a strong header in from a Snoddy corner that goes just wide. After 29 minutes the Irons equalise. Rico (didn't he play with the Specials?) punches weakly and it's head tennis with Antonio and Ogbonna winning balls before Hernandez stoops to seemingly head it in from a yard out.
Soon our phones tell us that it was a handball, even though it's difficult to spot on the big screen replay. "We'll take whatever luck we get," I suggest. Ethics Man Nigel thinks that as a father of two I should perhaps set a better example of moral probity. Matt quips that Ron Greenwood would have probably sacked Chicharito.
ONE-NIL DOWN, 2-1 DIOP
Ten minutes later West Ham score a legitimate second. Matt is wondering why Antonio is positioned by the first defender and not in the box. We soon find out. The Fulham defence is AWOL as Diop gets a run and powers home a header. He looks pleased with that one, his first league goal. Blimey. A set piece ploy worked.
There's still time for Rico to push Hernandez out of the way and make a reflex save as Antonio gets another goalbound header in from a Snoddy corner.
In the second half Fredericks replaces the ailing Zabaleta, who has a back problem. The Hammers start to let Fulham back into the game as Crainey and co stroke the ball around nicely. But they don't get many shots in, even if West Ham rely on Fredericks to make two fine saving tackles. The Vicar's Son's patience is starting to be tested.
It takes two subs to reclaim the initiative. Arnautovic comes on and then, to a standing ovation, Manuel Lanzini replaces Anderson. The Argentine creator immediately looks fresh and has an encouraging passing interchange with Arnie, who also looks up for it. The burly Austrian forces a good save from Rico after getting a header in. The keeper then tips an Arnie thunderbolt onto the post after a good through ball from Noble.
There's always the fear that Fulham might level, but finally West Ham put the game to bed when Arnautovic cleverly stands up a dinked cross for Antonio to head down into the turf and in off the post. Wow. On 36 points we might even be safe, though we may need to win at Man City to be doubly sure. At the end Arnie walks over to salute the fans, having never been tempted by China.
We retreat via Nigel's iron bridge short-cut to the Refreshment Rooms, where we're shocked to find the place full of civilians. That's the problem with Friday night football, other people want to go out too. But at least, in a desperate bid to make the blog, over a pint of Meantime Matt gets to pass over to Nigel CDs of 10CC rarities, Robin Trower, a set of Joe Bonamassa covers and, of course, Yngwie Malmsteen.
We go ninth! Not a completely convincing performance, but a first league goal for Diop and fine cameos from Lanzini and Arnautovic suggest better things might be on the way — though perhaps not until after we have played at Man City.
PLAYER RATINGS: Fabianski 6; Zabaleta 4 (Fredericks 7), Diop 7, Ogbonna 6, Cresswell 5; Snodgrass 7, Noble 5, Rice 7, Anderson 6 (Lanzini 6); Antonio 7, Hernandez 6 (Arnautovic 7).
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