Der der der der der, Andy Carroll!

A late Christmas Carroll. Andy celebrates his winner  Picture: Michael The Whovian

West Ham 2 West Brom 1

It’s early into the London Stadium with daughter Lola, where we find Alison and Scott watching the warm-up and thinking that everything must surely go wrong against a team that hasn’t won in 19 games and played just two days ago. We’re joined by Matt, back from his December sabbatical, Lisa, Fraser and Nigel, who has met Neil Orr’s brother-in-law at the supermarket, as you do. Meanwhile Michael the Whovian is making a thinly-veiled attempt to get in the blog through letting slip that he’s been out drinking with Tom Baker, who was once in a science-fiction show.

It’s a slow start from the Hammers, with West Brom looking the fresher side. Andy Carroll is back in the side and his header from Zabaleta’s cross sets ups Lanzini, whose fierce shot is parried by Foster. But Rondon has already chipped just over and Albion take the lead when McLean drifts inside a tired challenge from Reid. His shot takes a wicked deflection off Obiang and loops up over Adrian. The Baggies fans start boing boinging.

It’s a subdued atmosphere, so quiet that we can hear Adrian hollering at his defence. The leak in the roof drips on to our party seeming to match our leaky defence. West Ham look strangely lethargic for much of the half, with Obiang particularly out of sorts. Masuaku often runs into cul-de-sacs (Lisa suggests his confidence has been affected by the return of Matt). There is time for Foster to make another great save, getting down smartly to palm away Lanzini’s effort after Manuel has done really well to bring the ball down.

Lola says it’s all my fault for making her support West Ham, couldn’t I have been a Man City fan instead? Nigel points out that City used to be worse than us. We assemble downstairs at half-time where Fraser says it will all be fine once we appoint Neil Warnock.

With all the talk of Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un’s nuclear buttons, Nigel produces his own nuclear option, announcing that he’s not renewing his season ticket if we go down, as he can’t face playing at Barnsley and Burton. Matt looks visibly shocked at a man eschewing obscure away grounds.

HANDY ANDY

At the start of the second half Arnautovic gets in a great cross that Carroll prods over the bar when he should score. But Noble is on for Obiang and the Hammers show more urgency in the rain. The equaliser comes when Cresswell at last curls in a great cross. Andy Carroll rises several kilometres above two Albion defenders to power home a trademark header. His first of the season and perhaps he might now go on a goalscoring run…

Lola has been won back to the cause. But Albion still look solid at the back and dangerous on the break. Twice sub Olly Burke gets through, on the second occasion only being robbed by a match-saving tackle from Ogbonna. I start to wonder what the odds are on us losing to West Brom and then beating Spurs.

THEY THINK IT'S ALL OVER

Lanzini plays in Arnie, whose close-range short is stopped by another fine Foster save. It’s going to be another draw, or worse. Mystic Matt and Mystic May remark that West Ham never seem to get winners in the 94^th minute.

Albion are even threatening to get a winner themselves with four minutes of added time played. Lanzini makes one final run from his own half. He surges towards the box and plays in Arnautovic on the left. Arnie crosses, Hernandez fails to connect, but there’s Andy Carroll all alone to stroke into the net from a tight angle. Moyes punches the air. Andy lies down in front of the East Stand and in a lovely moment Adrian runs the length of the pitch to join in the celebrations. “Der der der Andy Carroll!!” chant the jubilant Irons fans. It’s tough on Pardew’s men, but some payback for the late goals WHU conceded at Palace and Bournemouth.

We celebrate at the Refreshment Room, where the Blue Moon comes with a slice of orange, by discussing football trivia such as which is the biggest city never to have played Premier League football now Hull have been up. Nigel thinks it’s Plymouth.

An ugly win but a vital one and a game that could change our season. Now it’s just the small matter of Spurs in two days’ time.

PLAYER RATINGS: Adrian 6; Zabaleta 6, Ogbonna 7, Reid 5, Cresswell 6 (Rice 6); Kouyate 5, Obiang 4 (Noble 6), Lanzini 7, Masuaku 5 (Hernandez 5); Arnautovic 7, Carroll 8.