Sakho wins it at the death for lacklustre Irons

West Ham 1 Swansea City 0

It’s in to the Clyde Best Café to meet Essex Steve, up for his first game since a Ludek Miklosko-inspired draw denied Man United the title in 1995. Then it’s on to the London Stadium where Fraser and Nigel are with The Gav who has replaced Matt, away living Danishly. While Michael’s been to Ken’s Café, kept open in his honour with his big breakfast served on a silver salver. Alison’s returned from Brighton having expressed her love for Jezza and is accompanied by Chelsea fan Biff, whom she’s hoping to convert to a proper team.

Early on Cresswell gets in his one decent cross of the afternoon and Antonio has a half-volley palmed away by Fabianski. After that West Ham settle into a strange torpor of ceding possession to Swansea and lacking any urgency. Antonio doesn’t look fit, Carroll and Hernandez don’t get in the box and it’s a poor game all round. Sanchez and Britton start to dominate in midfield and a Bony drive is saved by Joe Hart. But the Swans lack penetration too and it has 0-0 written all over the giant scoreboard as a late Ayew effort trickles towards the keeper. The Irons don’t look like a side fighting to save their manager’s job.

SNORING SNORING WEST HAM

Poor Steve must wish he could spend another 22 years away. The second half is more of the same. Looking at the few positives, Zabaleta shows all his professionalism to ensure we keep a clean sheet and Fonte and Reid play well at the back. But Cresswell and Ayew’s crossing is poor, there’s no creativity in midfield and Carroll is having one of his lumbering games. Antonio does get in one decent cross that Carroll just fails to connect with, while Olsson drives wide at the other end. The Gav provides some much needed amusement for the gentleman in front of us by briefly falling asleep in the second half. It’s tempting to join him.

Lanzini comes on, much to the relief of the crowd. But when Hernandez is hauled off for Sakho there are loud boos, although the crowd don’t know that Chicharito’s had a knock in training. But Slaven might know what he’s doing. Masuaku has also come on for Ayew and all three subs make a difference. Arthur gets in a first-time cross that Andy Carroll scoops on to the angle with an improvised finish.

KING ARTHUR 

It looks like a draw as added time approaches until Masuaku makes another surge down the left, beats two defenders and gets in a great low cross that Sakho pokes in at the far post. Never in doubt! The stadium erupts in relief. Diafra takes his shirt off and doesn’t celebrate much. Perhaps he needs to look at a video of the Palace game last season to learn how to run to the crowd. Still, he might be moody but he’s a finisher.

The Irons survive added time and we’ll take a victory while playing badly. Strangely Matt doesn’t believe my text that it’s been a feast of flowing football. We retreat to the King Edward VII, where Fraser, Michael and myself are joined by Swansea-fan Huw, who is taking defeat well with the aid of London Pride, plus a blast from the past, Desperate Dan, last seen betting his house on West Ham beating Charlton 5-0, only to lose out to a late consolation for the Addicks back in the Di Canio days.

Then it’s off to see Nick Cave at the O2. Had we lost, his songs about love, lust, loss, death, God and the devil might have been a little too much even for a Hammers fan. A great set but no sign of Bubbles.

So some space to regroup during the break and a good result on paper, even if a poor performance. If the players’ nervousness was about the press speculation, then the best thing the board could do is back Bilic and say he’s here until the end of the season, end of story. WHU have to play better, but now have three games against teams we should aim to beat.

PLAYER RATINGS: Hart 6; Zabaleta 6, Reid 6, Fonte 6, Cresswell 4; Antonio 5, Kouyate 5, Noble 5 (Lanzini 5), Ayew 5 (Masuaku 7); Carroll 5 (Sakho 6), Hernandez 5.