He comes from Canning Town, he'll send the Hammers down?

Birmingham City 1 West Ham 0

Matt texts from the Magritte Museum in Brussels and wonders “if we will see the surreal thing from WHU this afternoon”. He then fails to identify the Paul Simon song that mentions Magritte (it’s Rene and Georgette Magritte with their Dog After The War) so it’s 1-0 to me in the trivia stakes. Which is as good as it gets.

We’re in Bath for our wedding anniversary so mercifully we spend the afternoon in the thermal spa feeling the healing qualities of the natural spring water as the game is played. At least the Romans didn’t have to worry about football.

Although any regenerative effects from the spa are ended at five o’clock when Matt texts “We made a Magritte mess of that”. Lee Bowyer has scored the winner of course, which you could have predicted before kick-off.

On Match of the Day (don't say I don't know how to show Her Indoors a good time) we’re struggling early on with Ridgewell missing a great chance and Green making a fine save. Hines is out long-term now too, Faubert comes in at right-back, while Collison is dropped to the bench. Diamanti flashes one shot wide but we go in level at the break.

Bowyer breaks the deadlock after Stanislas is dispossessed and in an act of class (not a word previously associated with Lee) he declines to celebrate against his boyhood team. It’s Bowyer’s sixth goal of the season and getting rid of him for nothing and buying Kovac is looking a bad piece of business by Zola.

We show some spirit in the second half. Diamanti goes close with a great chip. You keep thinking that one day he’ll score a fantastic goal and become a force in the premiership. Sub Kieron Dyer races down the let and pings a shot against the post. Noble is read carded, rather unluckily for a second booking. Faubert is dispossessed and almost lets in City for a second. And that’s it, we’re now second from bottom and it’s a relegation fight until the end of the season.

Not signing a right-back when Neill went is looking like an act of folly and we’re looking for a porn baron to save us. If we lose at Bolton on Tuesday it looks critical.