We're going down with the Wanderers

Wolves 3 West Ham 0

Hope lasts for three minutes while listening to this on Radio London. Potts has a decent shout for a penalty turned down before Wolves score with their first attack. Magassa lunges in, misses the ball and Mane is away. Walker-Peters is upfield and Hwang Hee-Chan is given too much space by Mavropanos to cross. Fernandes hasn't tracked Arias, who scores with ease.

It's two when Magassa and Potts lose out in midfield again, Mavropanos makes a weak clearance and Magassa catches Mane and it's a penalty. Hwang Hee-Chan duly dispatches it. Only a brilliant save with his foot from Areola denies Arokadare a third.

West Ham are being outfought all over the pitch and the third arrives when Mane gets the wrong side of Magassa, Mavropanos turns his back on the ball and the impressive Mane shoots home a powerful drive for his first Wolves goal.

"We're gonna win the league!" chant the home fans. Then it's "You're going down with the Wanderers!" and "You're nothing special we'll see you next year."

So 3-0 down at half-time to a side that hasn't won all season. There's been a real lack of leadership and desire. Nuno hooks the disappointing Magassa and Potts, bringing on Soucek and Mayers and changing to a back five.

“OMG are we even on the pitch?” asks Lisa on WhatsApp. We’re masking Wolves look like Real Madrid. Nigel thinks we might finish 20th and Nigel’s Wolves-supporting mate Adrian will now surely be breaking any Dry January vows.

Bowen tries an overhead kick from Summerville's cross and that's about it for the second half. Wolves settle for 3-0 though Areola still has to make a couple of decent saves. Wilson stays on all game rather than give Pablo a go and West Ham never look like pulling a goal back and making a game of it.

Nuno looks stunned at the end, apologises and describes the defeat as "embarrassing" and cites a "lack of effort, discipline organisation, responsibility." How could we not have been up for this? The game seemed too much for youngsters Magassa, Potts, Fernandes and Scarles, while Bowen, whom we all love, is too far up the pitch to be an effective captain. The late Billy Bonds would have been grabbing people by the collar demanding a reaction. 

The absence of Paqueta, Todibo, Wan-Bissaka and Diouf is slight mitigation and two new strikers might help, but there's no excuse for the attitude and performance here. If we can't get a result in games like this then the Irons are going down.

Not hungry like the Wolves

Wolves 1 West Ham 0

While the game is on I'm watching Wilko: Love, Death and Rock 'n'Roll, a celebration of Canvey Island legend Wilko Johnson at the Southwark Playhouse. It's very good and one of the actors even wears a West Ham hat in the section on the early days of Dr Feelgood as a "jug band". Though at Molineux West Ham don't seem to be doing it right. 

My WhatsApp group knows West Ham are going to lose as soon the club foolishly sends a message reading, "A league double over Wolves on the cards." The biggest jinx factor since Nigel said it was "lucky we hadn't had many injuries" and immediately crocked Ogbonna in season 2021-22.

Potter has to make changes due to late injuries to Kudus and Todibo. He brings in the Greek Bloke, Ferguson for his first start and surprisingly Guilherme. It's also rather strange to omit Soucek who scored at Everton.

The Hammers start quite well as Ward-Prowse sends a free kick narrowly over. Then good work by Wan-Bissaka and Bowen sets up Ferguson for a great chance. But he gets the ball tangled up in his feet and scuffs it. Already Ferguson, who scored for Ireland last week, seems to be succumbing to the West Ham striker hoodoo in the tradition of Haller and Scamacca.

Wolves then start to create chances. Areola, sporting braids and a Three Musketeers beard, makes a great save to keep out Toti's header. Wolves score after 21 minutes. A tackle from Mavropanos sees the ball deflect to Strand Larsen, who is in a lot of space and has time to turn and fire home via a deflection off Kilman. It should be two when Munetsi hits the bar from right in front of goal. 

Potter is clearly not happy at half-time and brings off the ineffective Guilherme and Ferguson plus Cresswell for Fullkrug, Alvarez and Soler. Fullkrug, back after three months out, gives the Irons a focal point. Paqueta plays in a first time cross ands the big German hits the bar with a towering header, only to see Emerson volley the rebound wide. 

The best chance of the evening falls to sub Tomas Soucek. He's played in by a clever backheel from Fullkrug after Bowen wins the ball off a defender. Tomas seems certain to score but puts his shot into the side-netting.

Wolves almost get a second through Munetsi and hold on for the points. We can't let our season just fade away and better is required against Bournemouth. A fit Fullkrug and the return of Kudus and Todibo might offer some hope and presumably the Paqueta verdict might be known by then. The team has stopped shipping goals but can't score. Currently we'd struggle to net against Canvey Island FC. Let's give Fullkrug the first 45 minutes on Saturday and go all out for goals. 

The answer is blowin' in the wind

Wolves 1 West Ham 2

Well, West Ham were owed some luck with VAR after that ignored handball and dodgy penalty against Sheffield United, the blatant handball away to Freiburg, Ings' disallowed goal and the ignored handball against Burnley, and those two disallowed goals against Aston Villa. Ruling out Kilman's 99th minute equaliser for Wolves was harsh, if technically correct, and you can understand why Gary O'Neil was so incensed. Still, we'll take the win and VAR didn't go for us earlier in this game either.

It was a classic game of two halves with Wolves dominating the first and taking the lead with Sariba's penalty, though to my mind Emerson got a nick on the ball before Ait-Nouri fell to the ground. Doyle also goes close for the home side. The Hammers' only chance comes when Soucek treads on the ball after being set up by Bowen. 

West Ham improve dramatically in the second half with Antonio coming on for Soucek and Johnson replacing Coufal. Should Moyes have played Antonio from the start? Caution got the better of him, though it has to be said Paqueta, Bowen and Kudus looked effective as a trio before Christmas and there's no rule against keeping it tight in the first half in away games. When Bowen has to go off suffering a dead leg Moyes brings on Aaron Cresswell and moves Emerson into midfield, a move which brings dividends. 

Emerson had a seemingly good header disallowed for what seemed no more than a coming together with the Wolves man. But the equaliser comes when Emerson's cross is handballed by Max Kilman and Paqueta strokes home the penalty. 

Antonio makes a difference and Ben Johnson has a volley well saved by Sa. An unlikely winner arrives when James Ward-Prowse's corner drifted over Sa directly into the net, ably assisted by Storm Kathleen.

The downside is Bowen going off injured. But as this stage of the season any win is welcome and it's also our first double against a PL club. While on 48 points we're definitely safe...

Hammers and Moyes now in big trouble

Wolves 1 West Ham 0

Another unconvincing away performance and another defeat against an improving Wolves side. Moyes' refusal to trust Benrahma may well cost him his job with the Algerian omitted again and  the out-of-form Antonio favoured over Scamacca. Dawson was also left out with a move to Wolves a possibility, though we can ill-afford to lose him. 

Wolves had the better of a dull first half but the Irons did have the best chance when after a tussle with Bowen the ball fell to Coufal who scuffed his shot into a Wolves defender. After a decent start to the second half from the Irons the winner came from a West Ham corner, won by Antonio. Wolves broke and the ball deflected rather luckily off Cresswell into the path of Podence, who scored with a fine finish. 

The Hammers improved after Benrahma and Scamacca came on, but we can't keep waiting unto the last 20 minutes to start playing. Wolves were unlucky when Neves hit the bar and then Ait-Nouri hit the rebound against the post. Benrahma did force Sa into a save and late on Scamacca headed wide, but it never seemed that likely the Hammers would equalise.

So that's one point from seven games and the Hammers in the bottom three. All confidence seems to have gone from the likes of Bowen, Antonio, Soucek and Scamacca and Paqueta is still under-performing. The only positive was that Zouma made the bench. It seems very unlikely that both Moyes and Frank Lampard can survive next week's relegation six-pointer with Everton. League form has been poor for a year now and as the Stranglers once sang, Something Better Change. A win next Saturday is vital. 

Hammers savaged by hungry Wolves

Wolves 1 West Ham 0

Big news for this one is that Nigel has infiltrated the home fans and has made the game despite a flat battery and then relying on Millwall-supporting builders to help jump-start his motor. Presumably he's had a few pre-match pints with Noddy Holder, Robert Plant and his mate Adrian. If the Irons win we go second. What could possibly go wrong? 

West Ham start off quite encouragingly as Bowen heads just wide from Cresswell's cross. But after that it's mainly Wolves as Jimenez jinks wide when through and Fabianski has to tip over a Moutinho effort. Agent Nigel reports that Matt would enjoy the "Mike Dean's a w**ker!" chants and that Antonio looks isolated up front.

The second half sees Wolves all over us according to Nigel. Podence has a low effort saved by Fabianski and then the keeper has to make a fantastic flying save to deny the same player. The deserved breakthrough comes on 58 minutes as Podence pulls back to Jimenez who cleverly passes the ball into the corner from just outside the box.

At least West Ham have some sustained pressure towards the end as Vlasic, Lanzini and Yarmolenko come on. The best chance is when Antonio finds Bowen and after some neat footwork Jarrod fires over the bar when he should score. Vlasic just fails to connect with a Johnson cross and that's it.

Is this where so many games have finally caught up with WHU? Or is it simply a result of lots of our players being away on international duty — Antonio has scored a couple of cracking goals for Jamaica but has then had to be flown back by David Sullivan's private jet (never mind COP26) and must be tired. Our winning run couldn't last forever, Ogbonna is a big miss and Wolves have played well. But looking at the big picture we're still in a great position. Though with tiredness a factor Moyes will now need to shuffle the squad for Thursday's trip to Rapid Vienna.

Lethal Lingard takes Hammers to fourth

Wolves 2 West Ham 3 

Declan Rice's injury has every Hammers' fan despondent before we go into this, but the team starts as if determined to defy adversity. Within two minutes Antonio has steamrollered his way past two defenders to have a powerful shot tipped on to the post by Rui Patricio. 

Wolves go close through Willian, but on six minutes the Irons take the lead with a superb goal from Jesse Lingard. Receiving the ball from Coufal in his own half he runs the length of the pitch to glide through four Wolves defenders. Antonio's run creates space and Lingard lifts it over the keeper. Brilliant.

Soon it's two as Messi Lingard produces a brilliant flick to bamboozle a defender near the corner flag and find Arthur Masuaku. The returning left-back's cross is cleverly slotted home by Fornals. "Wow," writes Fraser on WhatsApp, an unlikely convert to Moyes' Total Football. While Nigel points out that Lingard's goal has just been compared to Paolo Wanchope.

MESSI LINGARD

Antonio is terrorising the Wolves defence and gets through them again to fire into the side netting, only to pull up with a dodgy hamstring and go off. Just when it was all going so well.

But it's raining goals. Lingard makes another surging run to find substitute Bowen who finishes with alacrity into the bottom corner. Blimey. What a loan signing Lingard has been. Most players from MUFC are on their way down, but Jesse looks determined to prove Solksjaer wrong. This is the sort of performance we should have had from a £45 million signing like Haller. Lingard is unplayable at times and runs 12km in the game, which is impressive.

Mind you, after the Arsenal game it's typical that us West Ham fans find ourselves worrying at 3-0. Willian has a shot parried by Fabianski and Neto fires over when he should score. That's a warning, but just like Arsenal, Wolves pull a goal back before half-time. Traore makes a brilliant run from his own half, speeding past the Hammers defence to lay on a great cross for Dendoncker to head home. 

NERVY FINISH

It's a difficult second half, though the Hammers think they've scored a fourth when Bowen's shot is parried and Soucek hits home the rebound, only for it to be disallowed for handball. It gets very nervy when sub Fabio Silva gets behind Diop and Johnson to angle home a fine finish.

Wolves play a lot better in the second half, but thankfully the Hammers remain resolute. Let's have some praise for Mark Noble too. He's never going to be as mobile as Rice, but he looks much more at home in front of the defence and plays sensibly throughout allowing Soucek to get forward. A good professional performance. Johnson and Benrahma come on to aid the cause and, care of some holding the ball in the corner, WHU see the game out. We go fourth!

Could the Champions League breakfast at Nigel's gaff in Kew Gardens be back on? Well, we're surely not going to make the Champions League without Rice and probably Antonio. But this team doesn't know when to give up and is very much a collective. Strange things are happening and with eight games to go we can still dream of Bayern or at least FC Astra. Irons!

Normal service resumed....

Wolves 2 West Ham 0

It's off to the Greenwood sports bar at Victoria for this one — at least this heaving venue has a good name. Watching multi games of football in the upstairs bar is pretty similar to the sort of aural torture Alex suffered to cure his anti-social behaviour in A Clockwork Orange. 

We find the one tele showing Wolves v West Ham but are surrounded by Scousers cheering six first-half goals in the Merseyside derby, plus MUFC and Spurs fans watching their game and the odd Chelsea fan watching another TV with the Chelsea v Villa game. Matt, Lisa, Fraser, Michael and myself have one, two, three, four, five senses working overtime thanks to the brave new world of Amazon Prime. 

On the pitch normal service is resumed. Traore causes problems with his speed all game. West Ham concede a very poor goal straight from a corner when Dendoncker gets ahead of Ferdericks to prod home. Whatever happened to having men on the posts at corners? At least West Ham have a couple of chances, a fairly tame Ogbonna header from a corner and a fine curling effort from Fornals that is tipped over.

Haller is mystifyingly anonymous and West Ham miss Antonio's running up front. Wolves should score more after the break but Martin makes a couple of decent saves and the Irons are still in it. Fornals plays a brilliant crossfield ball into the path of Snodgrass, who takes a poor second touch and injures himself in the process of allowing Rui Patricio to gather the ball. That was the chance.

Holland makes his league debut as a sub (though the out-on-loan Diangana is surely needed if we're relying on Nathan) and Yarmolenko comes on to persistently lose the ball and incense the Vicar's Son. It's all over after more poor defending as Wolves catch us on the break and Cutrone prods home past a static Martin. "His fairtytale is over," muses Matt, as Michael suggests all West Ham fairytales are Grimm.

We retreat to the Duke of York (they might have to change the name) for a pint of Sam Smith's away from the digital cacophony. Yes Wolves looked a good side, but then so should we having spent big on Haller, Yarmolenko, Anderson and Fornals. Perhaps the Chelsea result was an aberration. We're still in deep trouble and need to beat Arsenal on Monday.

Hammers need to keep momentum going at Wolves

It would be very like West Ham to win at Chelsea and then lose at Wolves (as an example remember under Avram Grant beating Man United 4-0 in the League Cup and then losing at Sunderland). Pellegrini has to keep the Irons focused and the players need to show the workrate that we saw at Stamford Bridge. 

Manuel Pellegrini deserves credit for getting his team selection right at Chelsea (though Roberto should surely have gone after the Newcastle game), while it's interesting to note that Declan Rice revealed in the Evening Standard that Mark Noble gave an inspiring team talk peppered with some rude words before the Chelsea game. The win doesn't negate the problems of some strange summer buys and a horrible lack of desire in recent games, but it might presage an upturn.

One thing you can't buy in the modern game is desire. There aren't many players who want to play for West Ham so much that they are moved to tears when they finally do so. David Martin might only be a journeyman goalkeeper but he has shown the other players what playing for the Irons should mean. If that doesn't fire them up for the game at Wolves then nothing will. If the club can get both a win at Chelsea and a result at Molineux then the season starts to look much better.

Devoured by Wolves

Wolverhampton Wanderers 3 West Ham 0

Not the reaction we wanted at all. As Pellegrini said, "it would be impossible to have played any worse" (though I'm sure we could try). Minor injuries keeping Cresswell and Nasri out didn't help. The only positive was that Fabianski had a great game and the Hammers kept it goalless at half-time. Though Masuaku was lucky not to concede a penalty and Jonny headed a fine chance wide. Wolves took the lead through a free header from a corner after Snodgrass lost Saiss. The second was a case of Jiminez getting in front of Rice at a free kick and Jiminez's second and Wolves' third was scored on the break to finish the game. 

Wolves are looking a quality side, but the Hammers didn't create a single chance and that's not good enough. The side don't look any further ahead than they would have been had Moyes stayed, who would probably also have made it to mid-table. To compound the problems Arnautovic limped off with what might be a broken foot. Three defeats in a row and resting players at Wimbledon now looks pointless. The players are looking tired, there's still a massive injury crisis, and surely a signing or two might help the squad before the window closes.

Missed chances with Wolves

Wolves 1 West Ham 1

Like a reincarnated Dexys Midnight Runners, the team that meets in pubs has assembled in the Clarendon on Chapel Ash.

Nigel’s feeling a little emotional having seen Y&T last night in Birmingham, “the home of heavy metal”. He’s with his mate Adrian who never misses a Wolves match despite living in Lyme Regis. Matt and Lisa have stayed in her sister’s boutique spare bedroom in Birmingham, while I’ve arrived on the 11.23 from Euston, and Big Joe is lost to the prawn sandwich brigade.

The Clarendon’s bar staff take even longer to serve customers than in the Central, although the Banks’s Mild is a pleasant surprise.

We proceed to Molineux (as famously misspelt on the sleeve notes of Billy Bragg’s Don’t Try This at Home album when he reproduced the lyrics of God’s Footballer). It’s not a bad ground, with it’s yellow branding, although the corners need filling in.

Upson’s out with a pain in the neck so Ben Haim comes in at left back. We have a good opening five minutes when Dyer looks lively. Then it’s all Wolves in the first half and we’re lucky not to be 3-0 down. On ten minutes Green punches a cross much too weakly and Jarvis volleys home. Green is then serenaded with chants of “If Green can play for England so can I!”

He makes up for his aberration with a great tip round the post and a brave scramble to save in the box. We’re strangely lethargic and nothing like the side that beat Spurs.

At half time Matt is so dispirited that he seeks comfort in a falafel and hummus wrap — possibly the most middle class snack ever seen at Molineux.

We’ve been terrible and at the start of the second half, after Green nearly gives another goal away with a poor punch, the away fans begin a desperate chance of “We are West Ham’s claret and blue army!’

It works as Obinna makes a foray into Wolves’ box and is brought down for a soft penalty. It’s the luck we need. Noble blasts it home. We’re drawing without having had a shot on target.

Suddenly the game is transformed. A great though ball from the previously anonymous Boa Morte sends in Piquionne to thump the ball against the bar. Parkers starts to dominate the midfield and Wolves’ belief crumbles.

Carlton Cole comes on to form a three-pronged attack and nearly scores after weaving his way through the box, only to scuff his shot.

Kieron Dyer makes a couple of fantastic dribbles into the box only to live up to his Newcastle nickname of “Jigsaw” (goes to pieces in the box).

It’s turned into a great chance for our first away victory in the league since we won at Wolves in August 2009. Even Ben Haim is looking good and making runs into their box.

We’re in added time. “Look lively Piquionne!” exclaims Mystic Morris as Piquionne dribbles into the box, chests the ball and pokes home what should be the winner. The referee blows for handball, although the TV replays prove him wrong.

Still, a draw keeps our unbeaten run of six games going and is a relief after our terrible first half performance. Wolves, facing the Big Four next, are surely in more trouble than us.

On the train from Wolverhampton we’re endlessly told that “there are no refreshments on this train”, lest we batter the opposition fans with sugar sachets. The police come home with us and announce that no West Ham fans can get off at Birmingham as they’ve had intelligence of “pre-arranged disorder” between West Ham and Chelsea fans. Or maybe they’ve just heard that Nigel is driving through Spaghetti Junction.

The rest of the journey passes without a bundle or liquid refreshment. Still, at least we have the chance to reflect upon 90 minutes of pre-arranged disorder on the pitch, firstly from West Ham and then Wolves. We’re still bottom, but if we beat Newcastle then our season might turn.

Winter wonderland

The police said they couldn't guarantee the safety of the thousands of fans trying to get a cup of tea in Ken's Cafe as young Billy hadn't gritted the pavement outside.

On the face of it a postponed match against Wolves is not a bad result for us, considering Cole, Parker, Noble, Ilunga and co should be fit (if not sold) for the rearranged game. And we might even have Luis Boa Morte back and, if it's not played until May, Keiron Dyer might make it to the bench for a five-minute cameo.

Mind you, it does leave us with three away games in a row, the first of which we've already lost at Spurs…

Wolves tamed

Wolves 0 west Ham 2

We're walking Hadrian's Wall. Just after we've reached Carlisle and settled down to a Roman pizza, Nigel leaves a message to say we're joint top of the league. We've won 2-0 at Wolves, a great start for the Irons' legions and Wolves thrown into the Vallum.
Hammers for the title anyone?

I have to watch MOTD in mute mode as we're in a family hotel room and the kids are asleep but the evidence is encouraging. Nobes' strikes a fantastic shot into the top corner for our opener and then Green makes several great saves. Dyer (remember him?) has a shot cleared off the line and Collison has another effort saved before Upson rises unmarked to head home from a set piece. Oh, and someone called Faubert played. Mick McCarthy looks like a downcast extra from Brassed Off and Zola's grin illuminates the silent screen. And whatever Shearer is saying, it's better in mute.