Geordie draw, Cheltenham defeated

Newcastle 0 West Ham 0
West Ham 2 Cheltenham 1 (Capitol One Cup)

We've been staying in an internet and TV-free cottage in Wales with no mobile reception, but did manage to find out West Ham's 0-0 score at Newcastle after standing on top of a hill in Llanidoes. While Matt's text from the Cheltenham game arrives the morning after the match once we've gone three miles down the hill from Llanfachreth: "Sublime Vaz free kick puts us 1-0 up, Diarra strecthered off at half-time. Man of the Match Morrison made it two on 46 mins, they score a pen givwn against Adrian. We missed chances, won 2-1." Sad news is that Diarra is out for the season - he could have been an important player if he'd had a run. Though four points from two games is a good start and now all we have to do is beat Stoke City who never win away. What could possibly go wrong?

We are third in the league!

West Ham 2 Cardiff 0

Full match report to follow but off on hols early tomorrow morning. A solid professional performance. Joe Cole was a threat throughout and took his goal well, turning to stroke home Jarvis's low cross.While Nolan made some fine blocks in defence and chipped in with another subtle finish. Reid and Collins, bar one slip, were excellent at the back and Downing had a fine cameo, looking like a proper skillful winger.

Kim looked a decent player for Cardiff, but apart from one late miss from Nicky Maynard, Jussi barrely had a save to make and Bellamy was subdued. Vital game as it sets the tempo for the season. Maiga had one decent effort saved by the keeper, but isn't a target man in the Carroll mould and at times looked lightweight, though could be a decent second striker. Joe Cole wafted one chance over and so did Jarvis, but generally a solid win. Bigger tests to come but nothing like starting with a win. And credit to Mr Moon too, who was entering and leaving the stadium throughout the second half. "He's here. he's there, he's every effing where!" to quote the chant that went up.

We're gonna win the league?

West Ham are 2000-1 to win the League according to today's Evening Standard. Surely worth a wager just in case the rest of the PL is struck down by bubonic plague or alien abductions… and we do get a lot of crosses in as Big Sam keeps saying.

Downing street

Nice of the Hammers to celebrate my birthday by signing Stewart Downing. He's a good price at £6m knocked down from £20m, but still not sure about this one. He's one of those players who has always been promising but is now 29. Downing has 34 England caps and had a good few years at Villa but has been in and out of the Liverpool team, though he finished strongly last season after a boot up the backside from Brendan Rodgers. Downing looks like a confidence player to me, so will need all Big Sam's motivational skills. Can we play Jarvis and Downing in the same team? And are we going to sign a striker as well? Otherwise we only have two strikers, one currently unfit!

400,000 up!

And thanks today to anyone who's logged on to the blog recently to take the all-time views total up to 400,000. Quite a landmark. It's all done for love, though if you want to buy any of my books via the links it might help keep me in cups of Rosie Lee at Ken's Cafe. Come on you Irons!

Europe's elite come to Upton Park?

Mystic Matt points out some rather over-zealous marketing from WHU for today's friendly against Pacos de Ferreira. He writes:

We were persuaded by the West Ham website's promise that "Europe's elite come to the Boleyn" to book for Saturday's friendly. Imagine our surprise when we discovered that, rather than Barca or Bayern Munich, it was a team from somewhere near Porto that is so obscure that even anoraks with a working knowledge of the Faroe Islands  and Uzbekistan leagues have never heard of them. Still, on the plus side, the crowd is likely to be so small as to all be able to fit into Ken's without causing Carol to have a breakdown. And it is nearer than Flensburg (although the part-time Mayor's Tube and rail closures actually make it harder to get to).

Meanwhile we're reviving our interest in Stuart Downing, which seems strange when Matt Jarvis was a £9m  signing. Are we going to pay £5m for a reserve left winger? Or does Sam plan to play Jarvis and Downing together? Surely a striker is still the priority. Meanwhile Anton Ferdinand has been freed by QPR on the day Rio celebrates ten years at Man United. Looked a decent player under Curbishley. At 28 can he revive his career? Quite a comedown for Anton.

Andy Carroll: Ragged Trousered Philanthropist

Today's Daily Mail has photos of Andy Carroll out in Soho handing a fifty pound note to a beggar. Small change to a footballer, but still a generous gesture. And if you're ever at Ken's Cafe Andy, please spare us the price of a cup of tea, which is about fifty quid, honest.