Drawing drawing West Ham

Birmingham City 1 West Ham 1

Manage to catch the game at the Fox and Duck in Buntingford, accompanied by Vulcan the border terrier, (though you'd think he'd support the Terriers of Huddersfield), a packet of crisps and two pints of IPA.

Perfect start after four minutes when Piquionne flicks on and Cole pounces on a defensive mistake to fire home confidently into the corner. We have two penalty appeals, for a push on Nolan and a blatant handball after Faubert's header is blocked. At the end of the half Gustave Faubert crosses and Cole spins and shoots to produce a brilliant save from Myhill. Brum have had one free kick saved by Green and that's about it.

The second half is a disappointment. We fail to exploit the fact Spector is their right back and resort to ugly long balls aimed at Cole. Substitute Lansbury turns inside nicely and his shot is well saved, but there's no striker following up the rebound. Diop has a good game screening the back four and Potts is dependable again but we let Birmingham back into it and they equalise on 81 minutes with a header from Murphy after we fail to deal with a corner. Green is clearly furious we've no man on the post to clear it.

The referee also has a cunning plan to suspend our entire side as bookings for Nolan, Faubert and McCartney mean all three are suspended for the Derby game.

We should have won, but still, a point at Birnmingham is a reasonable result, though we're now only second on goal difference. And who will play against Derby? Could Big Sam have to make a comeback?

Boxing Day disasters

Nice of the Guardian to print a picture of West Ham losing 8-2 at home to Blackburn on Boxing Day 1963 in today's feature on Boxing Day football. My personal favourite Boxing Day debacle was a 0-2 home defeat to Orient, though I think we also lost 2-1 at home to Ipswich one year when Ipswich had no shots, scoring an own goal and a penalty.

Miraculously we managed to win 3-1at Fulham last Boxing Day so let's hope we do the same at Birmingham today. We're off to my mother-in-law's at Buntingford, where I hope to catch the game live in the Fox and Duck…

All stations to Stratford?

Interesting that Andrew Altman chief executive of the Olympic Park Legacy Company has claimed that the future of the Olympic Stadium is "not necessarily dependent on football". He's mentioned rugby, cricket and concerts as other possible ways of raising revenue. Apparently any WHU lease would be for 99 years, which is good, but there are still several problems to consider such as:

Sharing our stadium with other sports and concerts - what will this do to the playing surface?
Giving priority to athletics tournaments and having to possibly move fixtures
Renting a stadium and not owning it
The fact Spurs are now out of the race reducing the pressure on WHU to do a deal
That athletics track and how to put seats over the top

Yes, it's much better for transport links and close to Westfield if you want a right royal cockney knees-up in John Lewis. But there's still much to be discussed.

Mr Moon Has Left The Stadium

Anyone seeking a Christmas present for a West Ham fan could do worse than try match day announcer Jeremy Nicholas' Mr Moon Has Left the Stadium, published by Biteback. It's very funny and available via the Amazon link above or from the Newham Bookshop in Barking Road on match days. Jem is a regular in Ken's Cafe and has presided over more communal wailing than that newsreader in North Korea. He says that Mr Moon will receive a cut of the royalties once he stays in his seat all game...

Papa's got a brand new goal

West Ham 1 Barnsley 0

The queues at Ken’s Café are stretching out into Green Street. Luckily my old pal Alison O’Brien (no relation to Joey although her sister Roz does live next to the Basildon golf course where James Tomkins plays) and 16-year-old son Scott are up from Maldon and Scott queues for egg, chips and beans two slices and a mug of tea on my behalf, restoring my faith in young people's community spirit.

Nigel and Matt arrive with the news that Nigel is ahead in the office trivia quiz and Matt has seen Dave Gilmour at an outdoor performance of Shakespeare, which presumably left the Pink Floyd man’s posterior comfortably numb. Oh and Mystic May prophesises a nervy 1-0 win.

Upton Park is full  with 34,700 fans brought in by the sensible policy of pricing tickets at £15 and £5 for kids (though if we’re in the spirit of Scrooge us season ticket holders have still paid £40 plus).

WE WANT POTTSY ON THE PITCH!

For a few minutes everyone apart from Fraser misses the fact that Danny Potts is playing at left-back. Faye has injured himself in the warm up and George McCartney has moved to centre back, with young Daniel, as Big Sam refers to him, coming in for his debut. It’s an emotional moment for Nigel, who has long maintained that Pottsy senior is the greatest player ever to grace the claret and blue.

“That’s 400 appearances for the Potts family,” says Nigel, referring to the fact that the legendary Steve Potts made only 399 appearances for the Irons, before being cruelly left on the bench by Glenn Roeder in his final game against Bolton.

We really are down to what Harry Redknapp would term the bare bones. O’Brien and Collison are suspended and Faye, Reid, Demel, Taylor, Bentley and Baldock are all still injured. John Carew who's unfitter than me and you, can hardly run with a back problem. Carlton Cole doesn’t look completely fit either.

PAPA OOM MOW MOW

We get the ideal start after six minutes when Papa Bouba Diop meets Mark Noble’s corner to head West Ham into the lead. It’s Papa’s first goal in English football for six years.

Barnsley look a reasonable mid-table side and with Vaz Te prominent, force Green to make a good low save, before poking a one on one wide.

But our makeshift side creates several chances, with Noble taking responsibility in midfield and Faubert dangerous on the right. Freddie Piquionne has what seems a certain penalty turned down and then Carlton Cole produces great feet in the box to beat two defenders and round the keeper before poking wide. Young Danny Potts is steady on his debut and makes a couple of decent crosses.

The best moment of the first half is when Nigel falls for my comment that Barnsley may go out of business before the return game on April 7. He needs just that one trip to Oakwell to complete his set of 92 grounds and the look of panic on his face is worth the price of admission alone.

At half-time the fact Montenegro is on the bench inspires us to try to think of other West Ham players who have countries as names. My brilliant call is  Pat Holland. For the second half Nigel has us naming the England Players named after London boroughs (Alex Stepney, Bobby Charlton, George Eastham, etc) which probably says something about our struggle to hold on for a 1-0 win.

THE CAT CREPT IN

At the start of the second half a cat runs on to loud cheers, outpacing even Alan ‘Whippet’ Taylor and disappearing into the Alpari Stand, possibly having seen a fox in the box. That’s another feline mess at West Ham. Robert Green then makes a save that is better than anything from  Peter ‘The Cat’ Bonetti, brilliantly getting down to his line to stop Edwards' header, which looks a certain goal.

Cole and Sears fail to shoot when well placed. Carew has to go off to be replaced by Freddie Sears and even Faubert gets injured and is replaced by Lansbury.

Danny Potts is clattered late by a Barnsley defender and Nigel nearly rushes on to the pitch in protest. Big Sam reacts in a similar fashion and is then sent off for kicking a water bottle after Freddie Sears races into the box with the speed of a kid opening his advent calendar, only to fall in the box and spark a penalty claim.

Pottsy recovers to make some good clearances to Cole and we end the game with a back four of Lansbury, McCartney, Tomkins and Potts. People will say it’s only Barnsley, but with our small squad it’s still a performance of some character to hold out for the win.

After the game we rush off to find the special bar (the Demba Bar?) open to season ticket holders that the club has emailed us about. Will David Sullivan be behind the bar serving real ale and Karren Brady leading a Christmas knees-up? We expect a private room but instead find it’s a bog standard bar in the draughty Alpari concourse selling rubbish beer with three people there. So it’s off to the Central instead.

Southampton draw the next day so we’re only one point behind the leaders. A nervy win, but in the circumstances it’s a great three points.

Dyer straights

My pal Matt says he is "currently flat on my back having been hit with a feather". This is after hearing the news that Kieron Dyer may not play again this season. He limped off during an attempted comeback in QPR reserves and is set to have an operation on his foot on Monday. So he's played just five minutes football all season. Neil Warnock says QPR will not be activating a termination clause in Dyer's contract that is triggered in January

You have to feel sorry for Dyer as a person, but he's surely the most injury-prone player in the history of the Premiership, worse than Darren 'Sicknote' Anderton, and we wasted £6 million and 80k a week on him. He's made just 41 appearances in five seasons, most of them as a sub. Surely the time has come for Dyer to retire and move into punditry.

Oldly going up?

According to today's Sun we're after Crystal Palace's 19-year-old winger Wilfried Zaha, who can play on either flank. You do wonder if we're picking up so many injuries because the side is getting on a bit. Apart from youngsters Tomkins, Reid, Collison and Baldock, the side is full of players approaching or over 30, such as Diop, Taylor, Nolan, Faye, Carew, Demel, McCartney and Piquionne.

Even Cole and Faubert are both now 28. Older players are bound to pick up more knocks and a little youthful resilience and energy would surely help. It might also be a moment to give 21-year-old Freddie Sears a game, as at least he runs around a lot and was one of our best players in his last appearance against Bristol City.