Nobody knows where my Johnny has gone…

Just to round off our terrible holiday Dutch international Johnny Heitinga has turned down a loan move to West Ham. The Everton man didn't think it was the right move, which is footballer-speak for "You're nothing special, you lose every week!" With Tomkins, Collins and Reid out we need a centre back almost as much as a striker. We have however signed Peterborough's young striker Janaai Gordon, who has only played four games and is obviously one for the future. And as an added bonus he sounds like a character from Star Wars. May the force be with you Janaii.