Fullkrug makes his point

West Ham 2 Bournemouth 2

At Stratford station the God Squad are out in the sun, handing out leaflets asking, "Why do people go to Hell?" — which is no way to talk about a trip to the London Stadium. Inside the Best Meze Cafe our crew have adopted a close formation of 3-2 by the counter, as the chips and accompaniments arrive unexpectedly promptly.  

Nigel's been to Florida with CQ discussing with Donald Trump whether tariffs might protect West Ham's goal. Matt and Lisa have been to see Longplayer at the Roundhouse, a thousand-year long piece of music, by the end of which we might finally have scored. Though Matt, in his Thames Ironworks black shirt, prefers Longplayer's earlier work, possibly called Shortplayer. 

Michael the Thespian is following the game with a trip to Stratford East to watch The Women of Llanrumney, a play about Welsh women and slavery which may not enhance his mood after a West Ham match. The fact that no-one has bothered to check if their tickets have uploaded until the day of the game shows how disappointing the season has been.

The game begins with Bournemouth getting in a dangerous cross and Evanilson heading a good chance wide after 70 seconds. Areola has to make a smart save from a deflected Quattarra cross and then an even better reaction stop to save an effort deflected off Soucek. The Irons look disjointed in the sun and WHU's best effort is an Ollie Scarles cross that goes across goal. Several corners come to nothing. Bowen is not getting any service as a striker and Kudus looks bereft of confidence, while the midfield of Soucek, Ward-Prowse and Alvarez lacks creativity.

Bournemouth take the lead when the excellent Semenyo fires in a shot that Areola parries into an inviting zone for Evanilson to poke home. There's a VAR check but he's just onside. It's almost two when Zabarnyi heads on to the bar from a corner.

We retreat to the concourse where Nigel decides this is a game definitely in need of his lucky banana. Matt bemoans the fact that Potter seems to have picked the wrong team again. Subs are definitely needed after that first half display, 

Potter brings on Emerson for Scarles and then waits ten minutes before sending on Fullkrug and Soler. The big German makes an immediate difference, holding the ball up well, challenging for everything and allowing Bowen to return to the right wing, while Soler also improves the midfield balance. 

The best move of the game sees the Hammers win a corner. Ward-Prowse delivers a typically accurate dead ball and Fullkrug loses his man to power home a thumping header. At last something to raise the crowd. That's Fullkrug's third goal of an injury-ravaged season in which he's only completed 90 minutes once.

Seven minutes later Kudus gets the better of James Hill, though we're not sure why the late Jimmy Hill is on the pitch. Mo's cross is a good one and Jarrod Bowen, who has looked frustrated and like he is carrying an injury, does really well to beat Huijsen in the air and direct his header into the corner. Suddenly West Ham are massive again. 

The Irons are now playing with much greater verve, There's a good chance for a third when the Hammers win a free kick just outside the box. But rather than let James Ward-Prowse take it, Bowen fires narrowly wide. 

The referee incurs the wrath of the Vicar's Son as Winterburn slips and gets a free kick. It shouldn't have been given, but we still should be able to defend it. A big punt forwards is headed by Huijsen into the path of Evanilson who scores from close range. There's another long VAR pause but it's given.

Potter brings on Guilherme who causes some problems on the left with his speed, but wastes a great chance to cross by greedily shooting into the side netting. Areola has to save a low shot from Semenyo and that's it. It's a point at least and some hope that a fit Fullkrug might be the striker we need, though squad surgery is definitely required over the summer. 

We head to the Eagle for London Pride from the fridge, as Michael does an admirable marketing job for Caffreys. Nigel has to leave early to watch Sweet in Shepherd's Bush hoping for a better Blockbuster than the one he's just seen. It's a nice easy game at Liverpool next. Seven games left and really we just need to get through the season now before Potter sorts out the squad. 

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 6; Wan-Bissaka 6, Kilman 5, Todibo 6 (Mavropanos 6). Scarles 5 (Emerson 6); Alvarez 4 (Soler 6), Soucek 4 (Fullkrug 8), Ward-Prowse 6, Paqueta 6; Bowen 6, Kudus 6 (Guilherme 5).

Not hungry like the Wolves

Wolves 1 West Ham 0

While the game is on I'm watching Wilko: Love, Death and Rock 'n'Roll, a celebration of Canvey Island legend Wilko Johnson at the Southwark Playhouse. It's very good and one of the actors even wears a West Ham hat in the section on the early days of Dr Feelgood as a "jug band". Though at Molineux West Ham don't seem to be doing it right. 

My WhatsApp group knows West Ham are going to lose as soon the club foolishly sends a message reading, "A league double over Wolves on the cards." The biggest jinx factor since Nigel said it was "lucky we hadn't had many injuries" and immediately crocked Ogbonna in season 2021-22.

Potter has to make changes due to late injuries to Kudus and Todibo. He brings in the Greek Bloke, Ferguson for his first start and surprisingly Guilherme. It's also rather strange to omit Soucek who scored at Everton.

The Hammers start quite well as Ward-Prowse sends a free kick narrowly over. Then good work by Wan-Bissaka and Bowen sets up Ferguson for a great chance. But he gets the ball tangled up in his feet and scuffs it. Already Ferguson, who scored for Ireland last week, seems to be succumbing to the West Ham striker hoodoo in the tradition of Haller and Scamacca.

Wolves then start to create chances. Areola, sporting braids and a Three Musketeers beard, makes a great save to keep out Toti's header. Wolves score after 21 minutes. A tackle from Mavropanos sees the ball deflect to Strand Larsen, who is in a lot of space and has time to turn and fire home via a deflection off Kilman. It should be two when Munetsi hits the bar from right in front of goal. 

Potter is clearly not happy at half-time and brings off the ineffective Guilherme and Ferguson plus Cresswell for Fullkrug, Alvarez and Soler. Fullkrug, back after three months out, gives the Irons a focal point. Paqueta plays in a first time cross ands the big German hits the bar with a towering header, only to see Emerson volley the rebound wide. 

The best chance of the evening falls to sub Tomas Soucek. He's played in by a clever backheel from Fullkrug after Bowen wins the ball off a defender. Tomas seems certain to score but puts his shot into the side-netting.

Wolves almost get a second through Munetsi and hold on for the points. We can't let our season just fade away and better is required against Bournemouth. A fit Fullkrug and the return of Kudus and Todibo might offer some hope and presumably the Paqueta verdict might be known by then. The team has stopped shipping goals but can't score. Currently we'd struggle to net against Canvey Island FC. Let's give Fullkrug the first 45 minutes on Saturday and go all out for goals. 

Moyes to give evidence at Paqueta hearing

The Daily Mail reports that David Moyes is to give evidence in the Lucas Paqueta FA betting hearing. That should be good news for Paqueta as one of the defence's arguments is that Paqueta had an £85 million move to Manchester City lined up and asked Moyes not to select him for the Bournemouth away match in August 2023. If Paqueta was trying to deliberately get booked in that game then he'd surely have wanted to play. The hearing started this week and is expected to last three weeks.

Nick De Marco KC, a leading sports lawyer, is defending Paqueta. Another argument that might be in Paqueta's favour is that the sums placed on him getting booked are very small, the 60 bets mainly from Paqueta Island ranging from £7 to £400. Surely if punters were certain he was going to get booked they would have gambled larger sums? It could also be argued that Lucas would always attract more bets in the booking gambling market as he often mistimes tackles and is a temperamental player who gets fouled a lot.

Paqueta is also in trouble for throwing his phone away when he upgraded it (which is perhaps a crime against electronic recycling) after it was returned to him from the FA. Jacob Steinberg in the Guardian wrote a good summary of the case. What is worrying is that it's not like a criminal court case and the FA can find him guilty on "the balance of probabilities". Being 51 per cent sure he did it seems a low burden of proof to possibly end a player's career. 

At least the case is finally being heard. Paqueta's form has undoubtedly been affected by the uncertainty and it has cost West Ham an £85 million transfer fee. Some clarity will benefit both player and club in what will be the biggest match of Paqueta's career.

Micky on the way back

Good to hear Michail Antonio's first interview since the car crash in which he almost died. Talking to The One Show's Helen Skelton he revealed that he can't remember anything about the accident until he woke up in hospital. Antonio broke his femur in four places and had to have the shattered thigh bone held together with bolts and pins.

He had doubts about his new Ferrari, saying: "The back of the car kept swinging out on me, so I didn't feel safe. I had had it for three weeks and I was already thinking about giving it back." Micky is giving up sports cars "for now", which seems wise. "I've always been a fan and friend of sports cars and old classics, but I can't lie to you, sports cars are not my friends," he says. It's always been something of a mystery why clubs allow valuable footballers to buy really fast cars. Best stick to his current sensible people carrier and using his bother as a driver.

Micky's recovery is ahead of schedule though it may take a year for his leg to fully heal. He is "100 per cent sure" he will play again though whether that will be in the Premier League must be in doubt. He'll be 35 when fit again and you wonder if his pace and mobility will still be there after such a serious injury. But let's hope he makes it.

Michail also spoke about how useful he has found having therapy after struggling with the death of his father and the break-up of his marriage (he has six children). He thinks everyone could benefit from therapy, which is certainly true for most West Ham fans who have suffered enough on-pitch traumas to keep a therapists' convention fully occupied. 

Antonio is an articulate media performer and he might certainly have a future as a pundit or TV presenter once he retires. It's nice to know that the club has treated him really well and funded his rehabilitation and had him salute the crowd before the Newcastle game. Antonio says that although he never supported anyone as a kid he is now a West Ham fan as well as a player. We all wish him the best of luck with his recovery.

All square in the Moyes derby

Everton 1 West Ham 1

It's a nervous afternoon in front of BBC Sport's live updates for the Moyes derby, with Everton unbeaten in eight games after the Moyesiah took over. Paqueta comes back into the WHU side along with the Greek Bloke and Emerson.

West Ham have a couple of good chances the first half. A typically accurate Ward-Prowse corner sees Branthwaite head towards his own goal and Pickford produce a brilliant reaction save to keep it out. Then Max Kilman, liberated in a back five, races down the left to cross for Jarrod Bowen, who spins and hits a fine volley slightly too close to PIckford.

The impressive O'Brien fires a firm shot straight at Areola. Then Everton are awarded a penalty before VAR very correctly overrules it. Beto has actually kicked the turf rather than been fouled by the Greek Bloke. 

The Hammers step it up in the second half and take the lead after 67 minutes. Emerson and Paqueta combine to set Bowen free on the left. His cross is controlled by Tomas Soucek, who gets the ball out from under his feet really well and curls a slow shot into the corner. Tomas does his rotating helicopter blades celebration in front of the away fans. It's fitting that the ultimate Moyes player, good in both boxes, should have scored.

Another break sees Bowen shoot at Pickford and Ward-Prowse nearly get on the end of the rebound. But the game changes when Moyes brings on three subs, including two extra strikers. 

Everton start to bombard the West Ham box as West Ham drop deep. In the 91st minute Areola parries Chermiti's shot, and in the next phase Alacaraz plays it wide to Gueye. He curls in ab inviting cross and O'Brien has got just ahead of Mavropanos to head home.

The Toffees nearly win it when the ball goes through the Greek Bloke's legs and Alcaraz shoots just wide of the post. It's disappointing to have lost the lead but it's still a decent away point as Everton extend their unbeaten run to nine games.

"We should be good enough to avoid relegation," muses Matt on WhatsApp, though I have to point out that if Leicester or Ipswich win their next six games and we lose all ours they would be above us. Though at the risk of jinxing the Irons I'll predict that 34 points should be enough to see us safe. 

At least we're looking competitive again under Potter and no longer shipping endless goals. Both teams will be fairly happy with a point and looking ahead to building for next season.

Not taking goals to Newcastle

West Ham 0 Newcastle United 1

There's flames and fireworks before kick-off, accompanied by Led Zeppelin's Kashmir as the pre-match entertainment hypes things up. Then on comes a walking Antonio to rousing applause, cut short by a premature playing of Bubbles as a giant Antonio flag is draped across the Bobby Moore Stand. A good moment. Micky will surely be back and having seen off Haller, Scamacca and Fullkrug will probably still be up front at 45. I'm joined by Nigel, Michael and Big Sam hoping we'll take goals to a weakened Newcastle, who have the League Cup Final to play on Sunday.

An unchanged West Ham start the game with a burst of energy, as Kudus crosses from the left, Livramento miscues and Soucek shoots over with a great chance. A loose ball picked up by Ward-Prowse and then Kudus sets up Bowen for a chance he passes straight to Pope. But Newcastle improve and start to look the stronger side. Areola has to react really quickly to save Barnes' flick and then has to parry the same player's header around the post.

Kudus fires a long-range effort straight at Pope and then hesitates and allows Trippier to tackle when through as an entertaining first half ends goalless. 

Without the restraining influence of Lisa Matt has been mainlining statistics, producing a book of strange football facts at half time. He reveals that Aston Villa's Chris Nicholl once scored all four goals in a 2-2 draw with Leicester, two of them own goals. And that Joe Payne scored ten goals in a game for Luton against Bristol Rovers in 1936 but then only scored six in ten games with West Ham. Matt is particularly pleased with the information that the referee for the 1878 FA Cup was one Segar Bastard of Upton Park. We return comfortably numbed to our seats.

Kudus has a hopeful penalty shout turned down early in the second half.  Newcastle look fully committed despite their cup final and start to look the more likely to score. Areola has to produce a brilliant tip over to prevent Kilman scoring a looping own goal. 

WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE

On 63 minutes Newcastle score. Barnes's cross is deflected straight back to him and he crosses into the box again. Isak has done a crafty push on Kilman making him miss the ball and Guimaraes gets ahead of Scarles to score. Despite the West Ham protests ref Michael Salisbury (no relation to Segar Bastard) allows it.

Potter brings on Paqueta, Soler and the Greek Bloke. The midfield of Ward-Prowse, Alvaraz and Soucek has worked hard but lacked imagination. Paqueta suddenly provides some spark as his dink over the defence plays in Bowen, who claims a penalty after he's pushed to the ground.

Pope goes down with an 'injury' as the Toon try to kill the game. On come Ferguson and Danny Ings as the crowd do their best to rally the team. To be the fair the Hammers give it a go although all we seem to do is pump balls at Schar and Burn. 

"Slow it down lads, why don't you?" When Mavropanos plays a great crossfield ball into touch it's too much for Matt, who is already despairing at the efforts of Ferguson and Soler and the laboured build-up. At this point Nigel is messaging Lisa suggesting she book that couples wellness retreat in San Francisco.

Newcastle see out the game and it's a narrow home defeat, although at times we've looked half-decent against a quality side. At the end Nigel reveals that he's forgotten to eat his lucky banana, which might have been our problem. 

It's not happening for Mo Kudus though and the time has probably come to ditch the five at the back and give Ferguson a game. Should Summerville and Fullkrug ever be fit that might help, though the season is petering out as we battle for 16th place. 

We head to Stratford Broadway, trying a new pub, the Queen's Head. Bizarrely we're asked to produce proof of identity before entering as presumably we all look underage. There's Brixton Pale and it's not too bad if only they turned the music down. At 11 we're chucked out and Matt and Michael head off to the Goldengrove, named after a Gerald Manley Hopkins poem. Matt is moved to state that GMH was probably a Hammer writing, "And yet you will weep and know why."

All in all a professional performance from Newcastle and proof that Potter has some way to go to mould the side into top half contenders. 

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 8; Wan-Bissaka 6, Kilman 7, Todibo 6 (Mavropanos 6), Cresswell 6 (Ferguson 5), Scarles 6; Ward-Prowse 7 (Ings n/a), Alvarez 6 (Soler 5), Soucek 5 (Paqueta 5); Kudus 6, Bowen 6.

We've got our concessions back

It's extremely good news that West Ham board has climbed down and restored concessions in all parts of the stadium after a long campaign from fans. Those black balloons at games, boycotting the Betway Cup and some relentless campaigning from the Football Supporters Association's Stop Exploiting Loyalty campaign and Hammers United has seen the club finally relent. Hammers United thanks many groups and individuals, including Irons Supporting Foodbanks, Pride of Irons, Spirit of Shankly, Hammers Bondholders, Tony Cottee, David Cross, Frank McAvennie and lots of other people. 

It's mystifying why The Apprentice's Karren Brady and co thought alienating the loyal customer base was a sensible business move. It's also good that the already expensive season ticket prices have been frozen. One of my pals finds all this a bit suspicious and wonders if the club are softening us up for a takeover by Elon Musk and the London Stadium being relocated to Mars. But right now it seems the board has simply decided to do the right thing. A shame it took so long.