Dire Hammers stung by Bees

West Ham 0 Brentford 2

The only fireworks on display are in the pre-match entertainment. Lisa and Matt have been to Germany to see Dortmund's yellow wall, while our claret and blue wall is peppered with white thanks to the fans' boycott. Nigel, Michael and Big Sam, up from Wales, make up our number.

Nuno's selection is very strange. Wan-Bissaka and Diouf are dropped for Walker-Peters and Scarles, who are weirdly played on their wrong sides with Scarles on the right and Wan-Bissaka on the left. Todibo is in and the Greek Bloke is out, Magassa is dropped having payed in the last two games and the central midfield is the strange and slow pairing of Andy Irving, making his home debut after 780 days, and Tomas Soucek. Nuno plays Bowen as a striker, with Paqueta interchanging, negating our best force on the right and leaves Wilson on the bench. OK, some players may be tired after international duty and Nuno wants to look at all his players, but it's like he's playing an experimental pre-season match rather than a must-win game.

West Ham start brightly winning a series of corners and with Summerville making some threatening runs. Portobello Pirlo Andy Irving looks quite dangerous with his dead ball delivery. But soon West Ham are getting bullied in midfield as Thiago starts to threaten and Brentford dominate. A throw in is flicked on and Thiago shoots against the bar. Brentford win numerous corners and Areola has to claw away Damsgaard's header. Matt suggests that if we are willing Schade to miss it might be a case of Schade-fruede.

Yet again the Hammers concede just before the break. Kilman misses his clearance and Schade finds Thiago, whose shot spins off Areola's hand and over the line in slow motion. Bowen at least has a low snapshot saved by Kelleher. Big Brentford striker Thiago seems to net a second in added time, though luckily VAR rules him just offside.

"The world outside is bad enough without the football being like this," laments Michael. Nigel eats his lucky banana more in hope than expectation at half-time. 

Nuno brings on AWB, Diouf and the Greek Bloke at half-time in an admission that he's got the defence wrong. Soon after the restart Schade heads against the bar. Wan-Bissaka does make a bit if a difference on the right and we look better with our natural full-backs. But the only real chance is when Summerville sets up Bowen for a skied shot.

Nuno ignores Callum Wilson for some reason and brings on the raw Callum Marshall who runs around a lot but gets little change out of the giant centre backs. The arrival of Guido Rodriguez for Soucek is greeted with boos, which you don't like to hear, though it does seem bizarre when Magassa and Potts are on the bench.

Thiago and Lewis-Potter go close. Todibo completely misses a tackle and has had another worrying game. West Ham are down to ten men when the Greek Bloke pulls a muscle and waits an age for the Noddy Car to arrive.

The coup de grace comes in added time as Lewis-Potter capitalises on some poor defending from Diouf and crosses for Jensen to score. This is the first time in West Ham's history the club has lost the first four home games of the season. It's been less of a new manager bounce and more of a new manager splodge.

Walking to Ye Olde Black Bull we search for positives. "We didn't concede from a set-piece," suggests Big Sam. "And we have a 100 per cent record in London derbies," I add.

In the Black Bull over Brixton Pale we wonder how Michael the Thespian will review this Samuel Beckett-like performance at the London Stadium. Lisa mentions Krapp's Last Tape and Happy Days, where Winnie is buried in a hole up to her waist and then her neck. So nothing like West Ham.

This really feels like we're going down and Leeds away is coming up on Friday. Nuno Espirito Santo really needs to ask his holy spirit for help. 

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 6; Scarles 4 (Diouf 4), Kilman 4, Todibo 3, Walker-Peters 4 (Wan-Bissaka 6); Soucek 5 (Rodriguez 4), Irving 5 (Marshall 4), Paqueta 5, Fernandes 4 (Mavropanos 5), Summerville 6; Bowen 5.