It's an undercover mission for this one, dodging down Drayton Park and then sitting among the Gooners on the halfway line. Potter reverts to a five-man defence, drops Mavropanos for Todibo and brings in Ollie Scarles at left back and Ward-Prowse in midfield. But without Paqueta West Ham's chances seem slim.
Early on there's a dangerous cross from Trossard and a shot from Calafiori straight at Areola. But with the game goalless after 15 minutes something strange is happening — West Ham are playing rather well. Wan-Bissaka plays a give and go with Alvarez and makes a fine dash down the right to cross for Bowen who scuffs a good chance wide. Soucek has a header just over the bar.
This is more like Potterball. Cresswell is marshalling the five man defence well, Todibo is looking like the solid defender we thought he should be, Ward-Prowse is playing simply and effectively in midfield and Kudus is holding the ball up well.
Arsenal's makeshift forward line of Trossard and Merino is struggling and young Scarles is doing really well against wonderkid Nwaneri. Meanwhile the West Ham fans are suggesting that Declan Rice should have looked for a larger employer on LinkedIn.
On 44 minutes the unthinkable happens. Cresswell wins a tackle in the box and releases Bowen who finds Wan-Bissaka racing from his own half. The full-back uses all his speed to get down the line, fool Calafiori with a couple of stepovers and cross for Jarrod Bowen to head home having got beyond Declan Rice. Blimey. I have to keep quiet among the disgruntled Gooners. A great time to score.
More strange things happen in the second half. After some premature "oles" from the Irons' fans, a great tackle from Ward-Prowse releases Cresswell whose cross is just missed by Bowen. The anticipated Arsenal siege begins with Trossard shooting against the legs of Areola. Rice is subbed and Mavropanos comes on for Todibo, who's had a good game.
IT'S QUIET IN THE LIBRARY
"Mikel Arteta it must be the ball!" sing the Hammers fans on 73 minutes as the impressive Kudus nicks the ball away from Lewis-Skelly on the halfway line. The young fullback brings him down and is booked. Only Raya is way off his line and Kudus would surely have got a shot away, VAR intervenes and Craig Pawson goes to the screen and opts for a red card as the Arsenal fans throw down their books in disgust. Match of the Day later proves this to be a correct decision.
Ten-man Arsenal still come at the Hammers as the home crowd gets nervy. But every Hammer is putting their body on the line to block and head danger away. A free kick from Odegaard is deflected to Gabriel who fires over.
There's a nerve-wracking eight minutes of added time as Kudus gets away again only for sub Ferguson to prove not quite sharp enough and turn into traffic. Ben White blazes wide and then incredibly it's all over. What a contrast to last week's loss to Brentford.
My WhatsApp tells me that Nigel is dancing in the streets of Bromley with the teacake-wielding Harrogate away crew and Matt is trying to understand rugby in the Calcutta Cup while dancing in the streets of Twickenham.
It's a happy trek to my north London safe house, where Gooner Peter is consoled with herb tea and biscuits. This was a really fine disciplined performance where every player did well. We've inflicted Arsenal's first home defeat of the season. Football, bloody hell. Irons!
PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 7: Wan-Bissaka 8, Todibo 7 (Mavropanos 7), Kilman 7, Cresswell 8, Scarles 8; Alvarez 7 (Soler n/a), Soucek 7, Ward-Prowse 8; Kudus 8, Bowen 9 (Ferguson 6).
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