Sunday, October 6

Tractor Boys hammered in welcome home win

West Ham 4 (four) Ipswich Town 1

At a very sunny London Stadium I'm joined by Belgian mystic lamb and beer experts Lisa and Matt, plus Michael the Whovian, preparing for his big Brigadier tribute night. It's also a pleasant surprise to find Clacton refugees Alison and Scott in the seats further back. Nigel is away at a mysterious "social function" in Felixstowe, surrounded by Tractor Boys, so it's down to the diehards. 

What could possibly go right? In the first minute someone called Kalvin Phillips loses possession, Soucek feeds Bowen on the right and Antonio sweeps home the cross. Have we been taking lessons from Brentford? That goal will do Antonio's confidence a lot of good, as he seems destined to be our main striker for the next decade.

But unfortunately we still haven't stopped conceding early goals. Four minutes after Antonio's goal Ipswich win a corner. Delap picks up the clearance and unleashes a stinging shot that squirms past Areola. Having got a hand to it Areola should surely have stopped it. The noisy Ipswich away crew celebrate with glee, having already enjoyed seeing their first cars in London according to Matt.

West Ham wobble at this point. An Ipswich free kick sees Greaves puts a free header wide. Matt is wearing our late friend Fraser's West Ham shirt and wonders if a sense of indefatigable calm will rub off; it doesn't as it takes a full ten seconds before Matt is asking "Why can we not f***ing control it?" West Ham's build-up seems ponderous at times, but Todibo tries to make something happen with a fine run out of defence. Kudus starts to get in some shots. 

After a fine one-touch passing move from Paqueta and Bowen, Antonio gets in a great cross that Kudus heads against the outside of the post when he should have scored. Town are making the mistake of trying to play out from the back and are caught out. Paqueta finds Soucek, whose shot is cleared off the line by O'Shea.

But West Ham are not to be denied. Emerson makes a fine burst down the left and crosses for Antonio to head against the bar. The ball bounces on the line in1966-style, and Kudus is on hand to head home. The announcer gives the goal to first Micky and then Mo, meaning we are surely 3-1 up.

JARROD BOWEN'S ON FIRE

Bizarrely we start well after the break. Ex-Hammers playwright Ben Johnson helpfully lobs a difficult back pass towards Muric. Under pressure from Antonio the keeper slices the ball wide to Bowen, who cuts inside Phillips and slots home a fine finish.

Muric has to make a great save to deny Kudus after Bowen's fine through ball. To their credit Ipswich keep going and Areola has to produce a world-class save from Delap's header. But there are more goals to be had for the Irons. Antonio finds Bowen on the right and his cross is tapped home by Lucas Paqueta, another Hammer who needed a goal to kick-start his season.

Young star Antonio gets a deserved ovation when he is subbed and we get see a cameo from debutant Luis Guilherme. Sub Aaron Cresswell puts a late free kick well over the bar. It's a shame the Irons don't go all out for a fifth, but 4-1 is a very decent result after three home defeats. We can now go into the international break looking up rather than down.

We trek to the Eagle where Sinead has Guinness for Michael and bottles of London Pride in the fridge, plus Tayto crisps. Matt reveals that he based his career plans on watching Minder, as it looked great fun drinking all day. But instead he went into the entirely sober profession of journalism, quips Michael. While we all enjoy sending Nigel messages on WhatsApp saying that he's missed the game of the century. So this is what a home win feels like. More of these please, Mr Lopetegui. 

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 6; Wan-Bissaka 6, Todibo 7, Kilman 6, Emerson 7 (Cresswell 5); Rodriguez 6 (Alvarez 6), Soucek 6, Paqueta 7 (Summerville 5); Bowen 8, Antonio 8 (Soler 5), Kudus 7 (Guilherme n/a).

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