It's Sunderland away to kick-off

Up against a newly-promoted Sunderland side in front of a buoyant crowd on August 16 - what could possibly go wrong? It's not a good time to play the Mackems, though you have to hope that with Tom Watson and Jobe Bellingham sold they'll struggle to replace them. Then it's a chance to tell Chelsea where to place their Blue Flag at the London Stadium followed by a tricky game at Nottingham Forest. September begins with two home games against Thomas Frank's Spurs and Crystal Palace and then it's the Moyes derby at Everton's new stadium. By which time we'll be top of the league (possibly).

Animal farm

In the absence of any transfer activity I've been on a trip to the Lake District with my fellow season-ticket holder Nigel, who was making plans for fellwalking. There was quite a lot of West Ham colour. On the train up we met the mum of ace West Ham illustrator Canning Town Len, while Nigel's faded West Ham cap worn on Catbells saw us greeted by a West Ham fan from Billericay. We used our time constructively, of course, not least in thinking up West Ham players associated with animal kingdom. So far we've come up with Brian Dear, Geoff Pike, Joe Hart, Bernard Lama, Demba Ba, Paul Heffer and Razvan Rat. Any more suggestions gratefully accepted.

End-of-season player ratings

ALPHONSE AREOLA
Generally sound but some clangers away to Spurs and at home to Forest. A great shot stopper but Potter should stop asking him to pass out of defence. 6/10

LUCAS FABIANSKI

Did really well to win his place back at 40 and apart from accidentally punching Havertz in the head to concede a penalty was generally sound. He’ll be missed. 6/10

AARON WAN-BISSAKA
An absolute bargain at £15m. Can play both sides and a revelation going forwards with five assists and two goals. Tended to get caught out of position under Lopotegui but has looked really solid under Potter, playing well with Bowen. Made some brilliant last-ditch interventions. 8/10

VLADIMIR COUFAL

Lost his place and some of his pace but played well in the middle of defence and at right-back when called upon. 6/10

MAX KILMAN

A difficult season and struggled to justify his £40m price tag. At times looked accomplished but big errors against Liverpool and Spurs among others. Not helped by frequently changing partners and systems and needs a leader alongside him. 5/10

DINOS MAVROPANOS

Should have all the attributes of a decent centre back but makes far too many mistakes and gives away free kicks in dangerous positions. Can Potter improve his concentration? 4/10

JEAN-CLAIR TODIBO

Unlucky with injuries and still can't last 90 minutes. Looked half-decent in the win at Arsenal but has struggled at times too. Hopefully his second season will be an improvement now he's signed for £32 million. 5/10

EMERSON

Not his best season and has lost his place to Scarles at times. Did score a fine goal against Arsenal but has been affected by Paqueta's indifferent form. 5/10

OLLIE SCARLES

A breakthrough season as Potter gave him several starts. His inexperience showed against the likes of Mo Salah, but a player of some potential and seeing an Academy product raised the morale of the crowd. 6/10

AARON CRESSWELL

When played in a five-man back line he definitely improved the defence. Aaron's experience was invaluable and he'll be pleased to have made more appearances than anticipated. Good luck at your next club, Cress. 7/10

GUIDO RODRIGUEZ

Not a bad player but always looked too slow for the Premier League at the end of his career. At least he got an assist at Ipswich. 4/10

EDSON ALVAREZ

A couple of indisciplined red cards didn't help and hasn't won the trust of Potter. Again lack of pace and youth is a problem. 5/10

TOMAS SOUCEK

Will never be a great passer but did all that was asked of him in both boxes. His nine goals proved invaluable. 8/10

CARLOS SOLER

A major disappointment after his loan from PSG. Scored against Fulham, sometimes looked neat in possession, but never got going in a West Ham shirt. 4/10

JAMES WARD-PROWSE

Wasted half a season on loan at Nottingham Forest. Needs to play more forward balls but solid enough on his return with a goal at Ipswich an an assist for Fullkrug's goal against Bournemouth. 6/10

LUCAS PAQUETA

His form improved under Potter but was definitely affected by the looming FA betting charges. Made a good fist of playing as an emergency forward but nothing like the player he can be. 5/10

LEWIS ORFORD

Will be pleased to have made his debut though too early to judge fully, but played sensibly in his cameos. 5/10

ANDY IRVING

The cult hero had a decent game at Chelsea and didn't let anyone down when he came on but given few chances. 6/10

LUIS GUILHERME

West Ham overpaid at £20m for an untried youngster. But when he's come on he's troubled defences with his speed and had a few scoring opportunities. He may yet come good. 6/10

JARROD BOWEN

Carried the side at times with his assists and 14 goals. Now he's tied the knot with Dani let's hope he never leaves. Better on the right than as a striker, but gave it everything wherever he played. 9/10

MOHAMMED KUDUS

Never really got going after the five-game ban for his red card at Spurs. Five goals were not enough from a player of his talent, though he did have a really good game at Arsenal and improved towards the end of the season. Potter still has to decide what Mo's best position is. 5/10

CRYSENCIO SUMMERVILLE

Lopetegui didn't trust Jimmy and then he missed half the season with a hamstring injury. Looked exciting when he did appear if a little wayward in front of goal. Scored against Man United and looked promising as a wing-back in Potter's first match. 5/10

MICHAEL ANTONIO

Looked a declining force before his car crash but at least scored against Ipswich. We all hope he'll play again soon but at 35 his days at West Ham are surely over. 5/10

NICLAS FULLKRUG

Very unlucky with injuries but he looked a quality striker towards the end of the season and a real threat in the air. Three goals from not many starts. His rant after the Southampton game was entertaining for us fans but may have alienated Potter. 6/10

EVAN FERGUSON

The loan striker was hardly given a chance but fluffed a big chance at Wolves. Considering how good he was at Brighton two seasons ago he was a big disappointment. 4/10

DANNY INGS

Earned West Ham a point at Fulham and a very dodgy penalty against Man United. Never complained but his best days are gone and he never suited a Moyes side. He'll probably now drop into the Championship at the end of his career. Nice hair transplant. 5/10

Bowen secures 14th place as Irons defeat Tractor Boys

Ipswich Town 1 West Ham 3 

Finally the season is over. In game 38 Fabianski plays at the age of 40 to make his final West Ham appearance. Scarles, Dinos and Fullkrug start with Kudus and Paqueta on the bench. What could possibly go wrong against a relegated side that has lost eight in a row at home?

Ipswich give it a go and Fabianski has to make a great one-handed save to claw away a Broadhead effort. Thankfully the Tractor Boys are still good at self-sabotaging. Morsy plays a weak back pass that is intercepted by Bowen. Jarrod flicks it across goal to James Ward-Prowse who stroke home his first goal for a year.

Can we hold a lead? No, soon after the break Todibo seems to duck out of a tackle and Broadhead fires home a powerful shot into the bottom corner. Thankfully we still have Bowen. Jarrod plays a one-two with Wan-Bissaka cuts inside and hits a sumptuous effort past the despairing Walton. 

Clarke goes close for the home side before our two subs combine for the third. Rodriguez does well to nick the ball off Clarke race forward and set up Mo Kudus for a shot that he curls home. His fifth goal of the season, though such a gifted player should be scoring more.

The win is very welcome as WHU secure 14th place with Spurs getting battered at home and Wolves drawing. As Big Sam says on WhatsApp if we'd have been offered finishing above Man United and Spurs at the start of the season we'd have taken it. Matt counters that we might not have been so happy to finish behind Forest, Bournemouth, Brentford, Fulham, Brighton, Palace and Everton.

Still, this was a decent farewell to Fabianski, Cresswell, Coufal and unused sub Danny Ings. Good to see Cressy get such a good reception from both home ands away fans. A summer of rebuilding awaits. Come on you Irons!

West Ham verdict in the Guardian

My verdict on West Ham's season can be found in today's Guardian, though obviously the big prize of 14th place is still up for grabs on Sunday. Gave the season four out of ten on the grounds that we've stayed up and been unlucky with injuries, though also thought about awarding it 3.5 out of ten. Potter has to improve the side next season.

Meanwhile Jarrod Bowen's not in Thomas Tuchel's England squad which is bizarre. He's scored 13 goals in a struggling team this season and at times carried the side. His brilliant volley against Forest alone should have got him in the squad. A shame as Jarrod had apparently moved his Las Vegas stag do to allow for time with the England squad. What could possibly go wrong with a West Ham stag do in Las Vegas particularly with top geezer Danny Dyer there to ensure order? Rumour has it Julian Dicks, Razor Ruddock, Frank McAvennie, Hayden Foxe and John Moncur will also be there to help ensure nothing gets out of hand.

Forest hold out despite late Hammers rally

West Ham 1 Nottingham Forest 2

There's a good turnout in the Best Meze Cafe for the final home match of a largely dismal season. Over chips with varying accompaniments we find Matt, Lisa, Nigel, Michael and his pal Stephen discussing why only journalists refer to Nottingham Forest as the "Tricky Trees" and asking if Palace's Eze belongs to Jesus then does this constitute third-party ownership?

Before the kick-off Aaron Wan-Bissaka receives the Hammer of the Year trophy, a fitting reward for our most successful signing from last summer. Potter has named an unchanged side from the win at Man United, leaving our biggest attacking threats, Paqueta and Fullkrug, on the bench.

West Ham make a great start. Coufal in his final home match, whips in a typical cross and Soucek heads for the top bin only to be thwarted by a great save from Sels. Vladimir Coufal has a shot deflected wide but slowly Forest impose themselves on the game. Gibbs-White controls with his chest and fires in a volley that Areola does well to save.

The Irons' bright start is undone after 11 minutes as Areola tries to play out from the back rather than kick it upfield and his pass goes straight to Gibbs-White who gratefully fires home. If in doubt hoof it. The scorer holding up a tribute shirt to the hospitalised Awonyi.

Areola has to make a decent stop to deny Chris Wood as Forest threaten to score again. Aaron Wan-Bissaka still poses problems on the left but Bowen and Kudus aren't getting anything from Forest's giant centre-backs and at the break it's still one-nil.

VAR TROUBLE

Potter has picked the wrong team and surprisingly doesn't make any changes at half-time. When he does act decisively after 58 minutes, bringing on Paqueta, Fullkrug, Alvarez and Soler, Forest have a free kick on the left. Elanga whips in the dead ball and it's deflected in off Milenkovic's shoulder. There's then a bizarre six-minute VAR stoppage while an offside is debated, with the automated offside lines not working and then a communication breakdown with ref Sam Barrott. After a major time rift in Stratford the goal is given anyway.

At least the VAR debacle gets the home crown going with a chant of "West Ham are massive!" though in truth we've been slightly less than large this season. The side looks a lot better with Fullkrug as a focal point and to the players' credit they keep going. A nice move sees Soler get in a shot that the excellent Sels tips away again.

Suddenly we're back in it after 79 minutes. Paqueta chips into the box and a defensive header falls to Jarrod Bowen who takes a touch with his thigh and swivels to fire an unstoppable volley into the top of the net.

Referee Barrott does his best to keep the atmosphere fervid as he is taken in by a lot of Forest timewasting and lets several blatant fouls go. Todibo, Bowen and Paqueta all lose patience with the ref. Even the Vicar's Son is moved to join in with the chants of "You don't know what you're doing!" and "You're not fit to referee!" 

Guilherme comes on late and troubles Forest with his speed on the left. He gets a shot away but is foiled by a fine block from Williams. At the other end AWB makes a fine block to deny Silva. There's an astonishing 16 minutes of added time as Forest get nervy. At one point the ref completely loses control of the players as there's a big fracas and he's pursued round the pitch like a harassed supply teacher. 

West Ham's final chance comes with a Soler corner and Areola up in the box. Fullkrug rises slightly higher than the Mittal Orbital and gets in a really powerful header, but again Sels punches it away.

So a very solid Forest side hold on and are in with a chance of Champions League football. All that's left is a lap of appreciation from the players as Cressy, Vlad, Fab, Ings and co say goodbye to a half-empty stadium. At least James Ward-Prowse's missus seems good at delivery as Mr and Mrs JWP bring on their four kids.

We head off for a final drink at the Eagle. Matt reveals his extensive knowledge of Highland League football, giving us anecdotes about Stranraer and some team near Banff, leading on to a discussion of Pennan, the setting for Local Hero. The film's theme was written by Mark Knopfler and recently re-recorded with guitar heroes like Brian May and Jeff Beck we learn from Wikipedia, not that any of us are into trivia. Meanwhile Nigel says that he's pleased Halifax haven't made it into the League meaning he's still a member of the 92 Club. Lisa then makes the frankly astonishing suggestion that he should visit a Halifax game for pleasure rather than as a ground to tick off. That will never catch on.

So the home season ends not with a bang but 16 minutes of added time and a VAR timeshift. Clubs like Forest have moved way ahead of WHU and Potter needs to rebuild over the summer and sign some dynamic midfielders, a leader at the back, a young striker and anyone else he can get. Meanwhile we still have to win at relegated Ipswich next week to secure 15th place. Roll on next season.

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 4; Coufal 6, Kilman 6, Todibo 6, Cresswell 5 (Alvarez 5), Wan-Bissaka 7; Rodriguez 5 (Paqueta 6), Ward-Prowse 5 (Soler 6), Soucek 5 (Fullkrug 6); Bowen 7, Kudus 5 (Guilherme 6).

Fab four leaving West Ham

The first four departures from West Ham have been announced and surely several other players will follow as Graham Potter rebuilds the squad. Lucasz Fabianski, Vladimir Coufal, Aaron Cresswell and Danny Ings are all getting older but have in their own way made valuable contributions to the club.

Vladimir Coufal will be missed. His nickname of RoboCop at his previous club Slavia Prague sums up his playing style. Early on Vlad had Grealish in his pocket at Villa, clattering Jack and his sniper at every opportunity, which certainly endeared him to the faithful. Coufal was great at getting forward and made a lot of goals with his crosses. Lately his speed had started to diminish, but he's still always given everything. And let's not forget his role in leading the lads on a tour of the late-night drinking dens of Prague. David Moyes thought Coufal had it in him to be a manager so you never know we might see him back at the London Stadium one day.

Aaron Cresswell has to be one of the club's best ever value for money signings at £4.5 million from Ipswich. He was there at the Boleyn Ground under Allardyce and has been a great servant. Much of the success under Moyes came from his set-piece delivery and after losing a bit of pace he reinvented himself as a third centre-back. It's significant that in the games where the 35-year-old has started this season the defence has looked much more secure. When Aaron scored his last goal for the club against Freiburg in the Europa League you could feel the appreciation of the crowd at the London Stadium.

Lukasz Fabianski is now 40 so has done really well to displace Areola for a spell this season. He was the best of the Pellegrini signings and in his 215 appearances he very rarely made mistakes. The quietly consistent Polish goalkeeper was also unlucky that Areola was chosen as the Europa Conference League Final goalkeeper when Fab was first choice in the league. He was also pretty good at saving penalties. 

Danny Ings never really fitted the Moyes system not being big or speedy enough to play as a lone striker. But he was a decent finisher and scored some important goals. He bagged a couple of vital goals on his debut at home to Nottingham Forest and one in the draw at Gent in the Europa Conference League. There were also equalisers against Burnley and Fulham, though his appearances were mainly cameos off the bench. Ings also gave us a good laugh by winning a very soft penalty against Man United and getting Ten Hag sacked. Danny's departure will save the club his rumoured £125k a week wages. As a squad player he never complained and you'd think he might still do a job at 32 in a more attacking side where he's the second striker. He's also the first WHU player to have a hair transplant. 

It will be intriguing to see who else is leaving at the end of the season but good luck to Aaron, Lucasz, Danny and Vlad.

We go 15th! Soucek and Bowen end winless run

Man United 0 West Ham 2 (two)

There's some dismay at Potter's team selection on my West Ham WhatsApp group, with Paqueta and Fullkrug dropped, Rodriguez coming in from the cold, and Cresswell and Coufal playing after it was announced they'd be leaving at the end of the season. Still, what do us fans know?

I'm receiving phone updates while manning the cloakroom at the Islington Boat Club's open day. Early on Wan-Bissaka wins a free kick and Ward Prowse whips in a trademark ball that Kilman heads over when well-placed. For United Diallo cuts inside AWB and forces a decent save from Areola.

Astonishingly West Ham take the lead with a fluid move that has more passes than we can count. Good work from Ward-Prowse, Cresswell and Wan-Bissaka sees Mo Kudus race down the left and cross low into the box. Tomas Soucek gets there before Amass and flicks home, then does a thumb in mouth celebration to mark the birth of his new son, who is probably already heading his cot.

Nigel is forced to delete a message asking that with West Ham leading "what could possibly go wrong?" as the Irons go in1-0 up at the interval against a soporific United. 

The Hammers remain solid at the back and quick on the break. Kudus sets up Ward-Prowse for a shot straight at Bayindir. The second goal arrives as Ugarte claims a foul when dispossessed by Wan-Bissaka and then fails to play to the whistle. Mo Kudus runs at the defence, doesn't pass to Bowen when he should, fires into a defender and sees the ball deflect to Wan-Bissaka. His low cross is calmly turned home by Jarrod Bowen who runs to celebrate with the away section.

It gets seriously worrying with a two-goal lead to defend and Bowen and Kudus taken off. Luckily I'm distracted by paddleboarders and kayakers wanting their bags back as the minutes tick slowly by. Garnacho can't get on the end of a decent cross, Hojlund fires at Areola's feet in a one-on-one, Maguire heads at the keeper and Areola makes a great reaction save on his line to deny Hojlund.

It could even be 3-0 as Ward-Prowse pounces on some slack defending and sees Bayindir pull off a good save with his outstretched boot. Finally West Ham's winless spell of right games is ended and we've done the double over a poor United side. We go 15th above both the Europa League finalists.

The performance wasn't as defensive as some feared and it was interesting to see Ward-Prowse get forward more. Potter was proved right in opting for a workmanlike side with Kudus and Bowen as speedy wide strikers, the wing-back system worked and this was more like it. With a nervy Nottingham Forest and relegated Ipswich to come let's hope we can end the season on a high. 

Bowen earns point against weakened Spurs

West Ham 1 Tottenham 1 

Up against a side that has made eight changes with a big semi final coming up, what could possibly go wrong? I'm joined at the London Stadium by Nigel, CQ in a hoodie displaying the names of all the men who have landed on the Moon (though no-one associated with West Ham has ever been over the Moon), super sub Lisa and Matt fresh from waiting for the council election results from Towcester to pop up. Michael is absent preparing for a Bridgerton-style ball in Covent Garden.

West Ham have a decent first 15 minutes, starting with some intensity. Wan-Bissaka is finding space on the right, Soucek is involved and Kudus is aggressive on the left. But as so often this season a self-inflicted would results in a goal. Max Kilman could simply lump the ball into touch but tries a header, then a couple of  ineffectual prods at the ball, allowing Tel to cross for Odobert, who has lost Cresswell and Emerson, to stroke it home. "One-nil in your cup final!" chant the away fans.

At least the crowd stay with the Irons and the side shows some character to keep going. Wan-Bissaka's cross is handled by Ben Davies but ref Michael Oliver turns down the penalty appeals. But the Hammers do equalise when Wan-Bissaka does well to see Bowen's run. Jarrod does the rest taking a touch and putting the ball through Vicario's legs. 

The rest of the half is fairly even though there's a another scare when Richarlson fires across the box. The Spurs Second X1 is looking up for it. Still, the bloke from Barcelona in Fraser's old seat seems to be enjoying El Crapico. At half time Matt counsels Nigel not to eat his lucky banana, while we are all aghast that the club website has jinxed us by writing, "the three points are there for the taking."

Odobert has an early shot comfortably saved by Areola after the break but it's West Ham who create the better chances. Kudus does really well to beat his man down the left wing and cross for Fullkrug to head over. Matt gets increasingly irate with referee Michael Oliver and Potter's substitutions, while Paqueta loses it after getting yellow carded and has to be held back by Soucek. 

It's sub James Ward-Prowse who almost creates the winner, whipping in a free kick that Bowen gets his head to only to see Vicario pull off a fine one-handed save. In added time a free kick is won in Ward-Prowse territory. He fires in a decent effort that hits the side netting and our last chance of winning it has gone. It's not a disaster but this is now eight games without a win and we really should have beaten a Spurs side of squad players.

We head to the Eagle for Meantime and Spitfire from the fridge and the news that Sinead is departing our local which is a shame. Nigel and Matt discuss the lower leagues, clubs that are nowhere near the city they are named after and the fact that Boreham Wood FC is spelt differently to the town of Borehamwood. We then write Matt's potential review of Iron Maiden at the London Stadium for him. Before wondering if we should recall loanees Kurt Zouma and Maxi Cornet. Otherwise it's roll on the end of the season, though at least we didn't lose the lead.

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 6; Wan-Bissaka 8, Kilman 4, Todibo 6 (Coufal 5), Cresswell 5 (Mavropanos n/a), Emerson 5; Paqueta 6 (Ward-Prowse 7), Soucek 6 (Soler 5); Kudus 7, Fullkrug 6 (Ferguson 5), Bowen 8.

Potter shows some passion

In a way it's a good thing that Graham Potter showed some emotion after the Brighton match. He looked exasperated and told the media that was. "sick of talking about positives." It wasn't exactly a Kevin Keegan-style meltdown, but the normally mild-mannered Potter went on to say: “I'm going to be frustrated. I'm not a robot. I'm a human being as well.I stand there myself, give everything to this, what I'm doing of course, I'm gonna be upset. I have to come here and speak calmly to you guys, but that's not how I'm feeling inside. If you want me to swear, I can swear."

He's clearly fed up with players not carrying out instructions, though he must take some blame too for putting on Coufal as a left back when he could surely have left Emerson there or moved over Wan-Bissaka. The fans need to see that Potter can get angry as well as show emotional intelligence. He's not made the difference that Moyes has made at Everton or Pereira at Wolves and with a less bad bottom three he might in danger of the sack. Results are no better than under Lopetegui, even if we're now more competitive in matches.

But as it is we have a project manager and he needs time. West Ham played fairly well for 83 minutes at Brighton and a couple of the goals were long-range efforts that normally go wide. Potter must now be clearer about the players he can't rely on. Major work will have to be done in the summer but if there's a bad start to the season the manager will again be under pressure. Let's hope this is as low as it gets.

I don't Baleba it...

Brighton 3 West Ham 2

Never watch a game on the BBC's Final Score as it always ends in pain. Fullkrug is on the bench as Potter reverts to a five-man back line, which is frustrating as the big effing German who says what he wants proved he could last 80 minutes last week. At least Soucek is back as we need his goal threat.

After early Brighton pressure a good move between Ward-Prowse and Wan-Bissaka sees the latter's cross hit into the side netting by Soucek. But Brighton take the lead after 13 minutes as Ayari, under pressure from Paqueta, curls a great shot into the top corner from the edge of the box. West Ham almost equalise when Kilman's ball into the box is headed on to the bar by Soucek.

Fullkrug comes on for Ward-Prowse at the break and the Hammers improve with Bowen back on the right. The equaliser comes down the right when Wan-Bissaka finds Bowen in acres of space. His cross is turned in by Mo Kudus, whose fairly tame shot goes through the legs of Verbruggen.

Areola has to make a smart save from Weiffer's header and at the other end Paqueta frees Wan-Bisakka for a drive against Verbruggen's legs. West Ham seem to have won it when Wan-Bissaka's clever backheel frees Bowen, whose inviting cross is headed home by Tomas Soucek after 83 minutes.

But this West Ham side just can't hold on to lead. A cross into the box sees Gomez in too much space up against Coufal, who has come on for Emerson.Gomez heads across goal, Kilman has lost Mitoma, and the Japanese winger heads home. With three centre backs playing there's no way Mitoma should be winning headers in the box.

Just as we've settled for a draw Brighton win a corner as the Irons stick 11 men back. As Match of the Day highlights, the defenders aren't looking at the ball as Brighton take a quick corner and Bowen and Fullkrug are too far back. Areola palms the cross away but the ball is recycled to Baleba who is strolling unchallenged through midfield in the manner of William Wordsworth looking at Ullswater daffodils. He lets fly with an effort that curls round three defenders and into the top bin of Areola's goal. The keeper hasn't moved. Baleba does a double somersault as we feel bad all over. On another day that shot might have drifted over but there's no excuse for the amount of space and time he was allowed.

Niclas Fullkrug must be very very angry this week. At least Potter admits afterwards that this relegation form isn't good enough. There have been some positives going forward from Soucek, Bowen, Fullkrug, Kudus and Wan-Bissaka, but this side desperately needs a big ugly centre back who is a leader of the defence and a ball-winner where there is still a large Declan Rice-shaped hole. We've spent £90 million on centre backs and still can't defend. The only good news is that we have just 28 days left until the end of the season.

There's only one f in Fullkrug

Niclas Fullkrug has become something of a cult after his post-match rant on Saturday, where he was "very angry" and claimed that "we were shit" for not capitalising on Jarrod Bowen's goal. Some people might see this as undermining his team-mates and manager, but I'm more of the view that we need this sort of passion in the dressing room. 

Fullkrug broke the standard rule of post-match interviews by making his one with Sky Sports interesting. The big German striker played in a Champions League Final for Borussia Dortmund a year ago and now finds himself in a team struggling to beat a relegated side, so you can understand his frustration. His man gripe seems to be that the side couldn't push up with "half the team defending and half trying to score again", the keeper kicking it long, not carrying out the coach's instructions and mindset and motivation problems.

Perhaps he should have left it to Bowen or Potter to be so critical, but Fullkrug is a senior pro at 32 and said what most fans were thinking. His rant has also resulted in a brilliant cartoon from David Squires in the Guardian, featuring Fullrug pondering on the West Ham Way, a "T K Max Kilman" outlet in Westfield and Danny Ings postulating that we are, "all trapped in the belly of the machine."

The club needs more players with high standards like Fullkrug and there will be a much-needed summer clearout and rebuild. Soler and Ferguson will presumably be returned to sender, Coufal, Cresswell, Ings, Antonio and Fabianski are all out of contract, Rodriguez and Cornet will go if there are any suitors and Alvarez is said to be available. A decision has to be made on whether to cash in on the underperforming Mo Kudus and more pace and athleticism is urgently needed in midfield. Apart from that everything is fine.

Saints earn deserved point against lacklustre Hammers

West Ham 1 Southampton 1

Up against a relegated team that has ten points and has just sacked their manager - what could possibly go wrong? 

I'm joined in the sun by Nigel and CQ, fresh from seeing Sweet and T Rextasy and a jaunt on the Isle of Man, Michael who has been celebrating St George's Day with thespians, Matt and Lisa who have come straight from the West Ham Women's 0-0 draw with Man United and Big Sam, who has travelled all the way from Wales for this relegation three-pointer.

Wan-Bisaaka and Alvarez have both managed to get injured in training. Fullkrug starts and early on the big German forces a good save from Ramsdale when Paqueta gets in a decent low cross. But for the rest of the half Southampton play with the freedom of a side where the pressure is off and they should be ahead. Referee Kitchen, in his first Premier League game, lets a lot go and Coufal is lucky to escape censure after a foul on the edge of the area. Walker-Peters shoots wide when well placed after Soler gets out-muscled in midfield. Southampton go close when the ball bounces off Paqueta to Sulemana who prods it against the woodwork. 

West Ham again appear ponderous and the closest effort is when Ward-Prowse shoots over the bar from the edge of the box. Full credit to the Southampton fans though, who are noisy throughout and waving inflatable bananas in solidarity with Nigel as they look forward to visiting Portsmouth.

At half-time Nigel debates whether to eat his two lucky bananas as we're joined by Alison from the Clacton Irons, who has supported the Hammers through thin and thinner and is so impressed by today's fare that she's considering getting a season ticket again.

We wonder if Potter is capable of giving the side a rollicking. His half-time words seem to have had some effect as two minutes in the Hammers score. Finally the Irons break at speed, as Paqueta finds Kudus who passes inside to Fullkrug. He plays a first-time ball through to Bowen on the right who cuts inside Manning and scores a typical Bowen goal. Surely Southampton's heads will drop now.

West Ham have a better spell. When Ward-Prowse takes a corner Michael can feel it in his water that Fullkrug will score. He does but it's disallowed for an arm on Ramsdale. West Ham's best moments come from Fullkrug and it's the big man who finds sub Guilherme with a subtle through-ball, only for Luis to be thwarted by a decent save from Ramsdale.

West Ham fail to kill the game and the Saints gain impetus. Areola makes a smart reflex save to deny Stephens. Bringing on the Greek Bloke to shore up the defence and Soucek for Fullkrug invites further Saints pressure. Their best chance seems to have gone when Tyler Dibling fails to hit the target. 

Can the Hammers get a scrappy 1-0 win? No, in the 93rd minute Walker-Peters' cross deflects up into the air and Chelsea loanee Ugochukwu scores with a fine volley. The Saints fans erupt as if they've just won the league rather than reached 11 points. 

West Ham leave the field to a chorus of boos and points wise Potter hasn't done any better than Lopetegui. In the last six winless games late goals have cost the Irons seven points against Everton, Bournemouth, Liverpool and Southampton. 

We retreat to the Eagle where there are new air-dryers in the loos and Matt is taking the negatives, saying that Potter can't pick the right side, make substitutions or see out games. There's even talk we should have kept Moyes (apologies to Fraser). 

There's nothing for it but to discuss our first-ever gigs, with CQ confessing to the Bay City Rollers, myself admitting to Gary Glitter, Matt revealing a hippy past with Steve Hillage and Michael giving us Chas and Dave, which explains his love of cockney knees ups around the Eagle's Joanna. Meanwhile Aston Villa versus Newcastle is on the TV and Nigel mournfully notes how far we have fallen behind both teams.

We learn that Niclas Fullkrug has told the media that he is "very angry" and that we played "shit", meaning he wouldn't be out of place in the Bobby Moore Stand. From Borussia Dortmund to this must be a bit of a comedown. 

Potter has to be given time to get his own players in but in his 100 days as boss he hasn't improved this lot much. The final five games should all be winnable with Spurs and Man United distracted by Europe. Yet the season is in danger of ending with a whimper and the Hammers one place above the bottom three.

PLAYER RATINGS:Areola 6; Coufal 5, Kilman 6, Todibo 6, Emerson 6 (Scarles 5); Ward-Prowse 4 (Mavropanos n/a), Soler 4, Paqueta 5; Bowen 7 (Ferguson n/a), Fullkrug 7 (Soucek 4), Kudus 5 (Guilherme 6).

Hammers on Mastermind

On last night's Mastermind semi-final Dan Shoesmith, a legal operations specialist, chose West Ham United 1992 to the present day as his specialist subject. Shoesmith scored a credible 12 points on his West Ham round but eventually finished third. 

Spoiler alert I'm now going to discuss some of the questions. Who scored the winner in the Europa Conference League Final was obviously a tap-in. Most fans will surely have answered correctly when asked to name the bogey side that dumped us out of the Europa League twice - it was of course FC Astra Giurgiu. 

This fan was pleased to name Teddy Sheringham as the only WHU player to score in the 2006 FA Cup Final shoot-out and Simone Zaza as the Italian player we loaned after he scored against us in the Betway Cup in 2016. However my mind went blank when asked to name the side West Ham clinched promotion against in 1993 (Cambridge United) and the goalkeeper who was injured when Di Canio picked up the ball to stop play at Everton (it was Paul Gerrard). While distracted by dog barking and family interruptions I didn't hear the date when asked to name the newly-built London stadium where West Ham were the first away winners in 2019, rushing in with the Emirates instead of Spurs. 

So a mixed set of results but good to see West Ham United is finally getting the intellectual kudos (or Kudus?) the subject deserves. 

Hammers unlucky to lose to Champions-elect

Liverpool 2 West Ham 1

It's off to the World's End pub with Mystic Matt for this fixture, hoping for a less than apocalyptic result against the league headers. The pub is strangely deserted as we sit down with pints of Hepcat session IPA. It's back to a five-man defence with Alvarez and Soucek dropped.

Early on Diaz and Bradley pepper the West Ham goal with shots. Salah plucks the ball out of the air to round Scarles and curl an effort just wide. The 19-year-old Scarles is having a torrid time against one of the best players in the world and perhaps Potter should have opted for the experience if Emerson. Liverpool's goal arrives when Scarles lunges in and misses the ball allowing the wily Salah to race down the right and cross for Diaz, who has got behind Wan-Bissaka, to stroke home.

But suddenly there's a sign of life from West Ham. Wan-Bissaka plays a fine through ball to Soler, who has advanced into the Liverpool box and fires against the body of Alisson. The ball rebounds to Kudus, who cleverly spins and chips on to the bar. Alisson has got a fingertip to the ball, making it a fine save.

Mac Allister fires against the legs of Areola but at the end of the half the Irons gain confidence. Scarles gets a couple of tackles in and gets more support from Kilman. Kudus fires against Alisson from an offside position, but we are finding space. Just before the break Ward-Prowse's corner presents a free header to Dinos Mavropanos who heads over when he should score. Though to be fair the Greek Bloke has a pretty good game defensively. 

The second half starts with a couple of tables of plastic Liverpool fans arriving much to the chagrin of Matt, though I do manage to hold him back. Mac Allister hits the bar with a free kick two minutes in but after that it's all West Ham. Scarles is taken off with Wan-Bissaka switched to the left and Coufal coming on at right back. Paqueta starts to dominate midfield and plays the best ball of the game through to Bowen. But Alisson has come off his line really quickly and saves the one-on-one with his chest, when perhaps Jarrod should have tried to round him.

Kudus, who is having a fine game, hits a goalbound shot from the left that Alisson deflects wide. A deserved equaliser arrives in the 87th minute when Paqueta plays a brilliant through ball to Wan-Bissaka on the left. The full-back's cross is deflected into his own net by a combination of Robertson and Van Dijk.

But Liverpool respond like champions. Wan-Bissaka deflects Diaz's shot on to the bar. West Ham clear a corner. Paqueta appears to be pushed but the ref rules plays on and Liverpool get another corner. This time Van Dijk manages to give sub Fullkrug a nudge and head home.

But there's still time for West Ham to almost equalise. Kilman plays in a good cross and Fullkrug, on 15 minutes too late, twists to send a header on to the bar. 

It's no wins in five and West Ham have a worrying tendency to lose games late on under Potter. But on a positive note this was a really spirited performance and we've won at Arsenal and run Chelsea and Liverpool close. Paqueta, Kudus and Wan-Bissaka have had really good games at Anfield and the defence has stayed mainly solid. Southampton next is a potential banana skin, but you do feel at some point WHU and Potter's luck has to turn.

My all-time Hammers XI

Well, a couple of lucky free kick goals for Arsenal's Declan Rice against Real Madrid. Still, he's not a bad player and let's hope Real Madrid now try to buy him so we don't have to see him down the road at the Library. Declan is certainly one of the best West Ham players I've seen and he'd get into my greatest Hammers X1. I just missed out on Martin Peters so haven't included him, though I did catch the end of the careers of Bobby Moore and Geoff Hurst. Frank Lampard Junior doesn't get into the side as most of his great stuff was for Chelsea and we don't have enough men to carry him. 

My all time Hammers X1 would be something like this: Parkes: Bonds, Martin, Moore, Dicks; Rice, Payet, Devonshire, Brooking; Hurst, Di Canio. And if permitted the luxury of a second X1 of super subs it would be this: Miklosko; Stewart, Ferdinand, Collins, Lampard Sr: Cole, Carrick, Noble; McAvennie, Cottee, Tevez. Sadly I couldn't find a place for Marco Boogers or Simone Zaza, but there you go.

Paqueta in limbo until June

The Guardian reports that after three weeks of hearings the Lucas Paqueta spot-fixing case has been adjourned until the summer. The FA's independent panel didn't conclude its proceedings in the three weeks and the lawyers are booked up on other cases until June. In a way this is good news for West Ham as Paqueta will be available for the rest of the season, though he'll be playing under even more stress and some clarity might have helped both club and player. 

It also leaves West Ham's transfer plans in disarray as the club has no idea whether a replacement for Lucas is required. It's slightly encouraging that in three weeks the panel hasn't come up with a verdict, suggesting it's complicated. If there was a clear paper or phone trail leading to Paqueta then he would surely have been found guilty by now. And rather like VAR if it's not clear and obvious that Paqueta knew about the bets then he should surely be assumed innocent until proven guilty when his career is at stake.

Fullkrug makes his point

West Ham 2 Bournemouth 2

At Stratford station the God Squad are out in the sun, handing out leaflets asking, "Why do people go to Hell?" — which is no way to talk about a trip to the London Stadium. Inside the Best Meze Cafe our crew have adopted a close formation of 3-2 by the counter, as the chips and accompaniments arrive unexpectedly promptly.  

Nigel's been to Florida with CQ discussing with Donald Trump whether tariffs might help protect West Ham's goal. Matt and Lisa have been to see Longplayer at the Roundhouse, a thousand-year long piece of music, by the end of which West Ham might finally have reached the next level. Though Matt, in his Thames Ironworks black shirt, prefers Longplayer's earlier work, possibly called Shortplayer. 

Michael the Thespian is following the game with a trip to Stratford East to watch The Women of Llanrumney, a play about Welsh women and slavery which may not enhance his mood after the  match. The fact that no-one has bothered to check if their tickets have uploaded until the day of the game shows how disappointing the season has been.

The game begins with Bournemouth getting in a dangerous cross and Evanilson heading a good chance wide after 70 seconds. Areola has to make a smart save from a deflected Quattarra cross and then an even better reaction stop to save an effort deflected off Soucek. The Irons look disjointed in the sun and WHU's best effort is an Ollie Scarles cross that goes across goal. Several corners come to nothing. Bowen is not getting any service as a striker and Kudus looks bereft of confidence, while the midfield of Soucek, Ward-Prowse and Alvarez lacks creativity.

Bournemouth take the lead when the excellent Semenyo fires in a shot that Areola parries into an inviting zone for Evanilson to poke home. There's a VAR check but he's just onside. It's almost two when Zabarnyi heads on to the bar from a corner.

We retreat to the concourse where Nigel decides this is a game definitely in need of his lucky banana. Matt bemoans the fact that Potter seems to have picked the wrong team again. Subs are definitely needed after that first half display, 

Potter brings on Emerson for Scarles and then waits ten minutes before sending on Fullkrug and Soler. The big German makes an immediate difference, holding the ball up well, challenging for everything and allowing Bowen to return to the right wing, while Soler also improves the midfield balance. 

The best move of the game sees the Hammers win a corner. Ward-Prowse delivers a typically accurate dead ball and Fullkrug loses his man to power home a thumping header. At last something to raise the crowd. That's Fullkrug's third goal of an injury-ravaged season in which he's only completed 90 minutes once.

Seven minutes later Kudus gets the better of James Hill, though we're not sure why the late Jimmy Hill is on the pitch. Mo's cross is a good one and Jarrod Bowen, who has looked frustrated and like he is carrying an injury, does really well to beat Huijsen in the air and direct his header into the corner. Suddenly West Ham are massive again. 

The Irons are now playing with much greater verve, There's a good chance for a third when the Hammers win a free kick just outside the box. But rather than let James Ward-Prowse take it, Bowen fires narrowly wide. 

The referee incurs the wrath of the Vicar's Son as Winterburn slips and gets a free kick. It shouldn't have been given, but we still should be able to defend it. A big punt forwards is headed by Huijsen into the path of Evanilson who scores from close range. There's another long VAR pause but it's given.

Potter brings on Guilherme who causes some problems on the left with his speed, but wastes a great chance to cross by greedily shooting into the side netting. Areola has to save a low shot from Semenyo and that's it. It's a point at least and some hope that a fit Fullkrug might be the striker we need, though squad surgery is definitely required over the summer. 

We head to the Eagle for London Pride from the fridge, as Michael does an admirable marketing job for Caffreys. Hellraiser Nigel has to leave early to watch Sweet in Shepherd's Bush hoping for a better Blockbuster than the one he's just seen. It's a nice easy game at Liverpool next. Seven games left and really we just need to get through the season now before Potter sorts out the squad. 

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 6; Wan-Bissaka 6, Kilman 5, Todibo 6 (Mavropanos 6). Scarles 5 (Emerson 6); Alvarez 4 (Soler 6), Soucek 4 (Fullkrug 8), Ward-Prowse 6, Paqueta 6; Bowen 6, Kudus 6 (Guilherme 5).

Not hungry like the Wolves

Wolves 1 West Ham 0

While the game is on I'm watching Wilko: Love, Death and Rock 'n'Roll, a celebration of Canvey Island legend Wilko Johnson at the Southwark Playhouse. It's very good and one of the actors even wears a West Ham hat in the section on the early days of Dr Feelgood as a "jug band". Though at Molineux West Ham don't seem to be doing it right. 

My WhatsApp group knows West Ham are going to lose as soon the club foolishly sends a message reading, "A league double over Wolves on the cards." The biggest jinx factor since Nigel said it was "lucky we hadn't had many injuries" and immediately crocked Ogbonna in season 2021-22.

Potter has to make changes due to late injuries to Kudus and Todibo. He brings in the Greek Bloke, Ferguson for his first start and surprisingly Guilherme. It's also rather strange to omit Soucek who scored at Everton.

The Hammers start quite well as Ward-Prowse sends a free kick narrowly over. Then good work by Wan-Bissaka and Bowen sets up Ferguson for a great chance. But he gets the ball tangled up in his feet and scuffs it. Already Ferguson, who scored for Ireland last week, seems to be succumbing to the West Ham striker hoodoo in the tradition of Haller and Scamacca.

Wolves then start to create chances. Areola, sporting braids and a Three Musketeers beard, makes a great save to keep out Toti's header. Wolves score after 21 minutes. A tackle from Mavropanos sees the ball deflect to Strand Larsen, who is in a lot of space and has time to turn and fire home via a deflection off Kilman. It should be two when Munetsi hits the bar from right in front of goal. 

Potter is clearly not happy at half-time and brings off the ineffective Guilherme and Ferguson plus Cresswell for Fullkrug, Alvarez and Soler. Fullkrug, back after three months out, gives the Irons a focal point. Paqueta plays in a first time cross ands the big German hits the bar with a towering header, only to see Emerson volley the rebound wide. 

The best chance of the evening falls to sub Tomas Soucek. He's played in by a clever backheel from Fullkrug after Bowen wins the ball off a defender. Tomas seems certain to score but puts his shot into the side-netting.

Wolves almost get a second through Munetsi and hold on for the points. We can't let our season just fade away and better is required against Bournemouth. A fit Fullkrug and the return of Kudus and Todibo might offer some hope and presumably the Paqueta verdict might be known by then. The team has stopped shipping goals but can't score. Currently we'd struggle to net against Canvey Island FC. Let's give Fullkrug the first 45 minutes on Saturday and go all out for goals. 

Moyes to give evidence at Paqueta hearing

The Daily Mail reports that David Moyes is to give evidence in the Lucas Paqueta FA betting hearing. That should be good news for Paqueta as one of the defence's arguments is that Paqueta had an £85 million move to Manchester City lined up and asked Moyes not to select him for the Bournemouth away match in August 2023. If Paqueta was trying to deliberately get booked in that game then he'd surely have wanted to play. The hearing started this week and is expected to last three weeks.

Nick De Marco KC, a leading sports lawyer, is defending Paqueta. Another argument that might be in Paqueta's favour is that the sums placed on him getting booked are very small, the 60 bets mainly from Paqueta Island ranging from £7 to £400. Surely if punters were certain he was going to get booked they would have gambled larger sums? It could also be argued that Lucas would always attract more bets in the booking gambling market as he often mistimes tackles and is a temperamental player who gets fouled a lot.

Paqueta is also in trouble for throwing his phone away when he upgraded it (which is perhaps a crime against electronic recycling) after it was returned to him from the FA. Jacob Steinberg in the Guardian wrote a good summary of the case. What is worrying is that it's not like a criminal court case and the FA can find him guilty on "the balance of probabilities". Being 51 per cent sure he did it seems a low burden of proof to possibly end a player's career. 

At least the case is finally being heard. Paqueta's form has undoubtedly been affected by the uncertainty and it has cost West Ham an £85 million transfer fee. Some clarity will benefit both player and club in what will be the biggest match of Paqueta's career.

Micky on the way back

Good to hear Michail Antonio's first interview since the car crash in which he almost died. Talking to The One Show's Helen Skelton he revealed that he can't remember anything about the accident until he woke up in hospital. Antonio broke his femur in four places and had to have the shattered thigh bone held together with bolts and pins.

He had doubts about his new Ferrari, saying: "The back of the car kept swinging out on me, so I didn't feel safe. I had had it for three weeks and I was already thinking about giving it back." Micky is giving up sports cars "for now", which seems wise. "I've always been a fan and friend of sports cars and old classics, but I can't lie to you, sports cars are not my friends," he says. It's always been something of a mystery why clubs allow valuable footballers to buy really fast cars. Best stick to his current sensible people carrier and using his bother as a driver.

Micky's recovery is ahead of schedule though it may take a year for his leg to fully heal. He is "100 per cent sure" he will play again though whether that will be in the Premier League must be in doubt. He'll be 35 when fit again and you wonder if his pace and mobility will still be there after such a serious injury. But let's hope he makes it.

Michail also spoke about how useful he has found having therapy after struggling with the death of his father and the break-up of his marriage (he has six children). He thinks everyone could benefit from therapy, which is certainly true for most West Ham fans who have suffered enough on-pitch traumas to keep a therapists' convention fully occupied. 

Antonio is an articulate media performer and he might certainly have a future as a pundit or TV presenter once he retires. It's nice to know that the club has treated him really well and funded his rehabilitation and had him salute the crowd before the Newcastle game. Antonio says that although he never supported anyone as a kid he is now a West Ham fan as well as a player. We all wish him the best of luck with his recovery.

All square in the Moyes derby

Everton 1 West Ham 1

It's a nervous afternoon in front of BBC Sport's live updates for the Moyes derby, with Everton unbeaten in eight games after the Moyesiah took over. Paqueta comes back into the WHU side along with the Greek Bloke and Emerson.

West Ham have a couple of good chances the first half. A typically accurate Ward-Prowse corner sees Branthwaite head towards his own goal and Pickford produce a brilliant reaction save to keep it out. Then Max Kilman, liberated in a back five, races down the left to cross for Jarrod Bowen, who spins and hits a fine volley slightly too close to PIckford.

The impressive O'Brien fires a firm shot straight at Areola. Then Everton are awarded a penalty before VAR very correctly overrules it. Beto has actually kicked the turf rather than been fouled by the Greek Bloke. 

The Hammers step it up in the second half and take the lead after 67 minutes. Emerson and Paqueta combine to set Bowen free on the left. His cross is controlled by Tomas Soucek, who gets the ball out from under his feet really well and curls a slow shot into the corner. Tomas does his rotating helicopter blades celebration in front of the away fans. It's fitting that the ultimate Moyes player, good in both boxes, should have scored.

Another break sees Bowen shoot at Pickford and Ward-Prowse nearly get on the end of the rebound. But the game changes when Moyes brings on three subs, including two extra strikers. 

Everton start to bombard the West Ham box as West Ham drop deep. In the 91st minute Areola parries Chermiti's shot, and in the next phase Alacaraz plays it wide to Gueye. He curls in ab inviting cross and O'Brien has got just ahead of Mavropanos to head home.

The Toffees nearly win it when the ball goes through the Greek Bloke's legs and Alcaraz shoots just wide of the post. It's disappointing to have lost the lead but it's still a decent away point as Everton extend their unbeaten run to nine games.

"We should be good enough to avoid relegation," muses Matt on WhatsApp, though I have to point out that if Leicester or Ipswich win their next six games and we lose all ours they would be above us. Though at the risk of jinxing the Irons I'll predict that 34 points should be enough to see us safe. 

At least we're looking competitive again under Potter and no longer shipping endless goals. Both teams will be fairly happy with a point and looking ahead to building for next season.

Not taking goals to Newcastle

West Ham 0 Newcastle United 1

There's flames and fireworks before kick-off, accompanied by Led Zeppelin's Kashmir as the pre-match entertainment hypes things up. Then on comes a walking Antonio to rousing applause, cut short by a premature playing of Bubbles as a giant Antonio flag is draped across the Bobby Moore Stand. A good moment. Micky will surely be back and having seen off Haller, Scamacca and Fullkrug will probably still be up front at 45. I'm joined by Nigel, Michael and Big Sam hoping we'll take goals to a weakened Newcastle, who have the League Cup Final to play on Sunday.

An unchanged West Ham start the game with a burst of energy, as Kudus crosses from the left, Livramento miscues and Soucek shoots over with a great chance. A loose ball picked up by Ward-Prowse and then Kudus sets up Bowen for a chance he passes straight to Pope. But Newcastle improve and start to look the stronger side. Areola has to react really quickly to save Barnes' flick and then has to parry the same player's header around the post.

Kudus fires a long-range effort straight at Pope and then hesitates and allows Trippier to tackle when through as an entertaining first half ends goalless. 

Without the restraining influence of Lisa Matt has been mainlining statistics, producing a book of strange football facts at half time. He reveals that Aston Villa's Chris Nicholl once scored all four goals in a 2-2 draw with Leicester, two of them own goals. And that Joe Payne scored ten goals in a game for Luton against Bristol Rovers in 1936 but then only scored six in ten games with West Ham. Matt is particularly pleased with the information that the referee for the 1878 FA Cup was one Segar Bastard of Upton Park. We return comfortably numbed to our seats.

Kudus has a hopeful penalty shout turned down early in the second half.  Newcastle look fully committed despite their cup final and start to look the more likely to score. Areola has to produce a brilliant tip over to prevent Kilman scoring a looping own goal. 

WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE

On 63 minutes Newcastle score. Barnes's cross is deflected straight back to him and he crosses into the box again. Isak has done a crafty push on Kilman making him miss the ball and Guimaraes gets ahead of Scarles to score. Despite the West Ham protests ref Michael Salisbury (no relation to Segar Bastard) allows it.

Potter brings on Paqueta, Soler and the Greek Bloke. The midfield of Ward-Prowse, Alvaraz and Soucek has worked hard but lacked imagination. Paqueta suddenly provides some spark as his dink over the defence plays in Bowen, who claims a penalty after he's pushed to the ground.

Pope goes down with an 'injury' as the Toon try to kill the game. On come Ferguson and Danny Ings as the crowd do their best to rally the team. To be the fair the Hammers give it a go although all we seem to do is pump balls at Schar and Burn. 

"Slow it down lads, why don't you?" When Mavropanos plays a great crossfield ball into touch it's too much for Matt, who is already despairing at the efforts of Ferguson and Soler and the laboured build-up. At this point Nigel is messaging Lisa suggesting she book that couples wellness retreat in San Francisco.

Newcastle see out the game and it's a narrow home defeat, although at times we've looked half-decent against a quality side. At the end Nigel reveals that he's forgotten to eat his lucky banana, which might have been our problem. 

It's not happening for Mo Kudus though and the time has probably come to ditch the five at the back and give Ferguson a game. Should Summerville and Fullkrug ever be fit that might help, though the season is petering out as we battle for 16th place. 

We head to Stratford Broadway, trying a new pub, the Queen's Head. Bizarrely we're asked to produce proof of identity before entering as presumably we all look underage. There's Brixton Pale and it's not too bad if only they turned the music down. At 11 we're chucked out and Matt and Michael head off to the Goldengrove, named after a Gerald Manley Hopkins poem. Matt is moved to state that GMH was probably a Hammer writing, "And yet you will weep and know why."

All in all a professional performance from Newcastle and proof that Potter has some way to go to mould the side into top half contenders. 

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 8; Wan-Bissaka 6, Kilman 7, Todibo 6 (Mavropanos 6), Cresswell 6 (Ferguson 5), Scarles 6; Ward-Prowse 7 (Ings n/a), Alvarez 6 (Soler 5), Soucek 5 (Paqueta 5); Kudus 6, Bowen 6.

We've got our concessions back

It's extremely good news that West Ham board has climbed down and restored concessions in all parts of the stadium after a long campaign from fans. Those black balloons at games, boycotting the Betway Cup and some relentless campaigning from the Football Supporters Association's Stop Exploiting Loyalty campaign and Hammers United has seen the club finally relent. Hammers United thanks many groups and individuals, including Irons Supporting Foodbanks, Pride of Irons, Spirit of Shankly, Hammers Bondholders, Tony Cottee, David Cross, Frank McAvennie and lots of other people. 

It's mystifying why The Apprentice's Karren Brady and co thought alienating the loyal customer base was a sensible business move. It's also good that the already expensive season ticket prices have been frozen. One of my pals finds all this a bit suspicious and wonders if the club are softening us up for a takeover by Elon Musk and the London Stadium being relocated to Mars. But right now it seems the board has simply decided to do the right thing. A shame it took so long.

Soucek and Bowen see off lacklustre Leicester

West Ham 2 Leicester City 0

Brian Dear and Geoff Pike are on the pitch before kick-off sharing memories of Ronnie Boyce, along with some replays of his FA Cup winning goal in 1964. I'm joined by Matt, still trying to understand the rules of rugby and how to depart from Twickenham, Lisa, Nigel, Michael and Big Sam. 

Matt is on fine form asking us which player on the pitch has a sibling who is an MP. It is of course Bobby de Cordova-Reid, whose sister Marsha de Cordova is MP for Battersea. Not a lot of people know that. 

Up against a team that has lost ten out of 11 matches, what could possibly go wrong? The stadium is strangely subdued as if the crowd sense a possible banana skin. It's an unchanged side from Arsenal, with Scarles and Wan-Bissaka high up the pitch as wing-backs. Leicester have an early shot through Ndidi, but after that it's all West Ham probing, albeit rather slowly at times. 

West Ham take the lead after Bowen and Soucek initiate an attack on the right, the ball is cleared, Creswwell crosses for Kudus to fire against Hermansen and Tomas Soucek taps home the rebound. No-one celebrates that much awaiting VAR to deem it offside, but in fact Vestergaard is playing Kudus onside. Tomas wheels away to celebrate his sixth goal of the season dreaming of extra potato salad on his 30th birthday.

Bowen shoots wide after good work from Wan-Bissaka and Ward-Prowse. The second duly arrives when Ward-Prowse's corner causes confusion in the box. Bowen gathers the ball on the byline  and shoots across goal from a tight angle, the ball deflecting in off Vestergaard. Credit to Bowen for his improvisation, but it's another poor goal for hapless Leicester to concede.

We're anticipating a possible thrashing to boost our goal difference in the second half, but West Ham start to showboat a bit and seem to have settled for a two-goal win. The 38-year-old Jamie Vardy has lost his pace and Areola has very little to do. The Leicester fans celebrate a corner with ironic abandon.

The Greek Bloke, Emerson and Soler come on for Todibo, who has looked solid again, Scarles and Alvarez and the side's rhythm is further disrupted. Eventually Ferguson comes on too and he should score after Bowen sets him up with a great run from his own half. But the Brighton loanee takes three touches instead of two and allows a tackle to come in - the sign of a player lacking in confidence.

Still, it's a professional win against a side that looks certain to go down and it's hard to complain about six points and two clean sheets in five days even if it wasn't great fare for the TNT viewers. These are WHU's first back to back wins since last March. At the final whistle I'm prepared to predict that we'll stay up now we're 16 points clear of Ipswich.

We head to Ye Olde Black Bull for a swift pint of Brixton Pale for me and a Wherry for Matt that isn't Wherry good. The consensus is that the Premier League is in a poor state when you can predict the bottom three and champions in February. But a win is a win and it's now very much a case of finishing as high as WHU can and preparing for next season. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 6; Wan-Bissaka 6, Todibo 6 (Mavropanos 6), Kilman 6, Cresswell 6, Scarles 6 (Emerson 5); Soucek 7 (Irving n/a), Alvarez 6 (Soler 5), Ward-Prowse 6; Kudus 7 (Ferguson 5), Bowen 8.

Lopetegui speaks

Sid Lowe interviews Julen Lopetegui in Sunday's Observer and the former West Ham gaffer seems to be in denial about the reasons he was sacked. He argues: "We weren't in danger and we were adapting, learning, taking steps." Though not too many fans could see signs of progress, whereas Potter seems to have created a more organised side and better team spirit in a matter of weeks. Loppy's sacking came after a 5-0 home defeat to Liverpool and a 4-1 defeat at Man City. The only really impressive performance was the win at Newcastle, but even allowing for trying to change the the Hammers to a possession-based side, there were too many dispiriting defeats and poor performances.

The way Lopetegui was sacked was certainly very undignified however and you do feel sorry for him in that, as the piece implies, most of the signings were from Tim Steidten, "but few signings worked out, Lopetegui not convinced." When asked about the now departed Steidten Lopetegui says: "I prefer not talk about the Tim subject. That's the past, internal issues..." Click on the link to read the whole interview. 

To the Cockney Boys one-nil!

Arsenal 0 West Ham 1

It's an undercover mission for this one, dodging down Drayton Park and then sitting among the Gooners on the halfway line. Potter reverts to a five-man defence, drops Mavropanos for Todibo and brings in Ollie Scarles at left back and Ward-Prowse in midfield. But without Paqueta West Ham's chances seem slim.

Early on there's a dangerous cross from Trossard and a shot from Calafiori straight at Areola. But with the game goalless after 15 minutes something strange is happening — West Ham are playing rather well. Wan-Bissaka plays a give and go with Alvarez and makes a fine dash down the right to cross for Bowen who scuffs a good chance wide. Soucek has a header just over the bar. 

This is more like Potterball. Cresswell is marshalling the five man defence well, Todibo is looking like the solid defender we thought he should be, Ward-Prowse is playing simply and effectively in midfield and Kudus is holding the ball up well. 

Arsenal's makeshift forward line of Trossard and Merino is struggling and young Scarles is doing really well against wonderkid Nwaneri. Meanwhile the West Ham fans are suggesting that Declan Rice should have looked for a larger employer on LinkedIn. 

On 44 minutes the unthinkable happens. Cresswell wins a tackle in the box and releases Bowen who finds Wan-Bissaka racing from his own half. The full-back uses all his speed to get down the line, fool Calafiori with a couple of stepovers and cross for Jarrod Bowen to head home having got beyond Declan Rice. Blimey. I have to keep quiet among the disgruntled Gooners. A great time to score.

More strange things happen in the second half. After some premature "oles" from the Irons' fans, a great tackle from Ward-Prowse releases Cresswell whose cross is just missed by Bowen. The anticipated Arsenal siege begins with Trossard shooting against the legs of Areola. Rice is subbed and Mavropanos comes on for Todibo, who's had a good game.

IT'S QUIET IN THE LIBRARY

"Mikel Arteta it must be the ball!" sing the Hammers fans on 73 minutes as the impressive Kudus nicks the ball away from Lewis-Skelly on the halfway line. The young fullback brings him down and is booked. Only Raya is way off his line and Kudus would surely have got a shot away, VAR intervenes and Craig Pawson goes to the screen and opts for a red card as the Arsenal fans throw down their books in disgust. Match of the Day later proves this to be a correct decision.

Ten-man Arsenal still come at the Hammers as the home crowd gets nervy. But every Hammer is putting their body on the line to block and head danger away. A free kick from Odegaard is deflected to Gabriel who fires over. 

There's a nerve-wracking eight minutes of added time as Kudus gets away again only for sub Ferguson to prove not quite sharp enough and turn into traffic. Ben White blazes wide and then incredibly it's all over. What a contrast to last week's loss to Brentford. 

My WhatsApp tells me that Nigel is dancing in the streets of Bromley with the teacake-wielding Harrogate away crew and Matt is trying to understand rugby in the Calcutta Cup while dancing in the streets of Twickenham.

It's a happy trek to my north London safe house, where Gooner Peter is consoled with herb tea and biscuits. This was a really fine disciplined performance where every player did well. We've inflicted Arsenal's first home defeat of the season. Football, bloody hell. Irons!

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 7: Wan-Bissaka 8, Todibo 7 (Mavropanos 7), Kilman 7, Cresswell 8, Scarles 8; Alvarez 7 (Soler n/a), Soucek 7, Ward-Prowse 8; Kudus 8, Bowen 9 (Ferguson 6).

Stop! Hammer Time

Good fun appearing on the Stop! Hammer Time podcast this week alongside Phil Whelans, Jim Grant and Pete Harcourt. My wife expressed surprise that anyone should want to listen to four blokes talking about West Ham for an hour, but she doesn't know that we have more collective expertise than the entire backroom staff at West Ham and every pundit ever. 

We concluded that although we want Dinos to do well the centre back pairing just isn't working, it was a bit silly to play both Bowen and Kudus on the right against Brentford with Paqueta not working as a false nine, Ferguson looked good in the second half and that new loanee from Forest was quite promising at corners. Sorted. And then we went to the pub.