I don't Baleba it...

Brighton 3 West Ham 2

Never watch a game on the BBC's Final Score as it always ends in pain. Fullkrug is on the bench as Potter reverts to a five-man back line, which is frustrating as the big effing German who says what he wants proved he could last 80 minutes last week. At least Soucek is back as we need his goal threat.

After early Brighton pressure a good move between Ward-Prowse and Wan-Bissaka sees the latter's cross hit into the side netting by Soucek. But Brighton take the lead after 13 minutes as Ayari, under pressure from Paqueta, curls a great shot into the top corner from the edge of the box. West Ham almost equalise when Kilman's ball into the box is headed on to the bar by Soucek.

Fullkrug comes on for Ward-Prowse at the break and the Hammers improve with Bowen back on the right. The equaliser comes down the right when Wan-Bissaka finds Bowen in acres of space. His cross is turned in by Mo Kudus, whose fairly tame shot goes through the legs of Verbruggen.

Areola has to make a smart save from Weiffer's header and at the other end Paqueta frees Wan-Bisakka for a drive against Verbruggen's legs. West Ham seem to have won it when Wan-Bissaka's clever backheel frees Bowen, whose inviting cross is headed home by Tomas Soucek after 83 minutes.

But this West Ham side just can't hold on to lead. A cross into the box sees Gomez in too much space up against Coufal, who has come on for Emerson.Gomez heads across goal, Kilman has lost Mitoma, and the Japanese winger heads home. With three centre backs playing there's no way Mitoma should be winning headers in the box.

Just as we've settled for a draw Brighton win a corner as the Irons stick 11 men back. As Match of the Day highlights, the defenders aren't looking at the ball as Brighton take a quick corner and Bowen and Fullkrug are too far back. Areola palms the cross away but the ball is recycled to Baleba who is strolling unchallenged through midfield in the manner of William Wordsworth looking at Ullswater daffodils. He lets fly with an effort that curls round three defenders and into the top bin of Areola's goal. The keeper hasn't moved. Baleba does a double somersault as we feel bad all over. On another day that shot might have drifted over but there's no excuse for the amount of space and time he was allowed.

Niclas Fullkrug must be very very angry this week. At least Potter admits afterwards that this relegation form isn't good enough. There have been some positives going forward from Soucek, Bowen, Fullkrug, Kudus and Wan-Bissaka, but this side desperately needs a big ugly centre back who is a leader of the defence and a ball-winner where there is still a large Declan Rice-shaped hole. We've spent £90 million on centre backs and still can't defend. The only good news is that we have just 28 days left until the end of the season.

There's only one f in Fullkrug

Niclas Fullkrug has become something of a cult after his post-match rant on Saturday, where he was "very angry" and claimed that "we were shit" for not capitalising on Jarrod Bowen's goal. Some people might see this as undermining his team-mates and manager, but I'm more of the view that we need this sort of passion in the dressing room. 

Fullkrug broke the standard rule of post-match interviews by making his one with Sky Sports interesting. The big German striker played in a Champions League Final for Borussia Dortmund a year ago and now finds himself in a team struggling to beat a relegated side, so you can understand his frustration. His man gripe seems to be that the side couldn't push up with "half the team defending and half trying to score again", the keeper kicking it long, not carrying out the coach's instructions and mindset and motivation problems.

Perhaps he should have left it to Bowen or Potter to be so critical, but Fullkrug is a senior pro at 32 and said what most fans were thinking. His rant has also resulted in a brilliant cartoon from David Squires in the Guardian, featuring Fullrug pondering on the West Ham Way, a "T K Max Kilman" outlet in Westfield and Danny Ings postulating that we are, "all trapped in the belly of the machine."

The club needs more players with high standards like Fullkrug and there will be a much-needed summer clearout and rebuild. Soler and Ferguson will presumably be returned to sender, Coufal, Cresswell, Ings, Antonio and Fabianski are all out of contract, Rodriguez and Cornet will go if there are any suitors and Alvarez is said to be available. A decision has to be made on whether to cash in on the underperforming Mo Kudus and more pace and athleticism is urgently needed in midfield. Apart from that everything is fine.

Saints earn deserved point against lacklustre Hammers

West Ham 1 Southampton 1

Up against a relegated team that has ten points and has just sacked their manager - what could possibly go wrong? 

I'm joined in the sun by Nigel and CQ, fresh from seeing Sweet and T Rextasy and a jaunt on the Isle of Man, Michael who has been celebrating St George's Day with thespians, Matt and Lisa who have come straight from the West Ham Women's 0-0 draw with Man United and Big Sam, who has travelled all the way from Wales for this relegation three-pointer.

Wan-Bisaaka and Alvarez have both managed to get injured in training. Fullkrug starts and early on the big German forces a good save from Ramsdale when Paqueta gets in a decent low cross. But for the rest of the half Southampton play with the freedom of a side where the pressure is off and they should be ahead. Referee Kitchen, in his first Premier League game, lets a lot go and Coufal is lucky to escape censure after a foul on the edge of the area. Walker-Peters shoots wide when well placed after Soler gets out-muscled in midfield. Southampton go close when the ball bounces off Paqueta to Sulemana who prods it against the woodwork. 

West Ham again appear ponderous and the closest effort is when Ward-Prowse shoots over the bar from the edge of the box. Full credit to the Southampton fans though, who are noisy throughout and waving inflatable bananas in solidarity with Nigel as they look forward to visiting Portsmouth.

At half-time Nigel debates whether to eat his two lucky bananas as we're joined by Alison from the Clacton Irons, who has supported the Hammers through thin and thinner and is so impressed by today's fare that she's considering getting a season ticket again.

We wonder if Potter is capable of giving the side a rollicking. His half-time words seem to have had some effect as two minutes in the Hammers score. Finally the Irons break at speed, as Paqueta finds Kudus who passes inside to Fullkrug. He plays a first-time ball through to Bowen on the right who cuts inside Manning and scores a typical Bowen goal. Surely Southampton's heads will drop now.

West Ham have a better spell. When Ward-Prowse takes a corner Michael can feel it in his water that Fullkrug will score. He does but it's disallowed for an arm on Ramsdale. West Ham's best moments come from Fullkrug and it's the big man who finds sub Guilherme with a subtle through-ball, only for Luis to be thwarted by a decent save from Ramsdale.

West Ham fail to kill the game and the Saints gain impetus. Areola makes a smart reflex save to deny Stephens. Bringing on the Greek Bloke to shore up the defence and Soucek for Fullkrug invites further Saints pressure. Their best chance seems to have gone when Tyler Dibling fails to hit the target. 

Can the Hammers get a scrappy 1-0 win? No, in the 93rd minute Walker-Peters' cross deflects up into the air and Chelsea loanee Ugochukwu scores with a fine volley. The Saints fans erupt as if they've just won the league rather than reached 11 points. 

West Ham leave the field to a chorus of boos and points wise Potter hasn't done any better than Lopetegui. In the last six winless games late goals have cost the Irons seven points against Everton, Bournemouth, Liverpool and Southampton. 

We retreat to the Eagle where there are new air-dryers in the loos and Matt is taking the negatives, saying that Potter can't pick the right side, make substitutions or see out games. There's even talk we should have kept Moyes (apologies to Fraser). 

There's nothing for it but to discuss our first-ever gigs, with CQ confessing to the Bay City Rollers, myself admitting to Gary Glitter, Matt revealing a hippy past with Steve Hillage and Michael giving us Chas and Dave, which explains his love of cockney knees ups around the Eagle's Joanna. Meanwhile Aston Villa versus Newcastle is on the TV and Nigel mournfully notes how far we have fallen behind both teams.

We learn that Niclas Fullkrug has told the media that he is "very angry" and that we played "shit", meaning he wouldn't be out of place in the Bobby Moore Stand. From Borussia Dortmund to this must be a bit of a comedown. 

Potter has to be given time to get his own players in but in his 100 days as boss he hasn't improved this lot much. The final five games should all be winnable with Spurs and Man United distracted by Europe. Yet the season is in danger of ending with a whimper and the Hammers one place above the bottom three.

PLAYER RATINGS:Areola 6; Coufal 5, Kilman 6, Todibo 6, Emerson 6 (Scarles 5); Ward-Prowse 4 (Mavropanos n/a), Soler 4, Paqueta 5; Bowen 7 (Ferguson n/a), Fullkrug 7 (Soucek 4), Kudus 5 (Guilherme 6).

Hammers on Mastermind

On last night's Mastermind semi-final Dan Shoesmith, a legal operations specialist, chose West Ham United 1992 to the present day as his specialist subject. Shoesmith scored a credible 12 points on his West Ham round but eventually finished third. 

Spoiler alert I'm now going to discuss some of the questions. Who scored the winner in the Europa Conference League Final was obviously a tap-in. Most fans will surely have answered correctly when asked to name the bogey side that dumped us out of the Europa League twice - it was of course FC Astra Giurgiu. 

This fan was pleased to name Teddy Sheringham as the only WHU player to score in the 2006 FA Cup Final shoot-out and Simone Zaza as the Italian player we loaned after he scored against us in the Betway Cup in 2016. However my mind went blank when asked to name the side West Ham clinched promotion against in 1993 (Cambridge United) and the goalkeeper who was injured when Di Canio picked up the ball to stop play at Everton (it was Paul Gerrard). While distracted by dog barking and family interruptions I didn't hear the date when asked to name the newly-built London stadium where West Ham were the first away winners in 2019, rushing in with the Emirates instead of Spurs. 

So a mixed set of results but good to see West Ham United is finally getting the intellectual kudos (or Kudus?) the subject deserves. 

Hammers unlucky to lose to Champions-elect

Liverpool 2 West Ham 1

It's off to the World's End pub with Mystic Matt for this fixture, hoping for a less than apocalyptic result against the league headers. The pub is strangely deserted as we sit down with pints of Hepcat session IPA. It's back to a five-man defence with Alvarez and Soucek dropped.

Early on Diaz and Bradley pepper the West Ham goal with shots. Salah plucks the ball out of the air to round Scarles and curl an effort just wide. The 19-year-old Scarles is having a torrid time against one of the best players in the world and perhaps Potter should have opted for the experience if Emerson. Liverpool's goal arrives when Scarles lunges in and misses the ball allowing the wily Salah to race down the right and cross for Diaz, who has got behind Wan-Bissaka, to stroke home.

But suddenly there's a sign of life from West Ham. Wan-Bissaka plays a fine through ball to Soler, who has advanced into the Liverpool box and fires against the body of Alisson. The ball rebounds to Kudus, who cleverly spins and chips on to the bar. Alisson has got a fingertip to the ball, making it a fine save.

Mac Allister fires against the legs of Areola but at the end of the half the Irons gain confidence. Scarles gets a couple of tackles in and gets more support from Kilman. Kudus fires against Alisson from an offside position, but we are finding space. Just before the break Ward-Prowse's corner presents a free header to Dinos Mavropanos who heads over when he should score. Though to be fair the Greek Bloke has a pretty good game defensively. 

The second half starts with a couple of tables of plastic Liverpool fans arriving much to the chagrin of Matt, though I do manage to hold him back. Mac Allister hits the bar with a free kick two minutes in but after that it's all West Ham. Scarles is taken off with Wan-Bissaka switched to the left and Coufal coming on at right back. Paqueta starts to dominate midfield and plays the best ball of the game through to Bowen. But Alisson has come off his line really quickly and saves the one-on-one with his chest, when perhaps Jarrod should have tried to round him.

Kudus, who is having a fine game, hits a goalbound shot from the left that Alisson deflects wide. A deserved equaliser arrives in the 87th minute when Paqueta plays a brilliant through ball to Wan-Bissaka on the left. The full-back's cross is deflected into his own net by a combination of Robertson and Van Dijk.

But Liverpool respond like champions. Wan-Bissaka deflects Diaz's shot on to the bar. West Ham clear a corner. Paqueta appears to be pushed but the ref rules plays on and Liverpool get another corner. This time Van Dijk manages to give sub Fullkrug a nudge and head home.

But there's still time for West Ham to almost equalise. Kilman plays in a good cross and Fullkrug, on 15 minutes too late, twists to send a header on to the bar. 

It's no wins in five and West Ham have a worrying tendency to lose games late on under Potter. But on a positive note this was a really spirited performance and we've won at Arsenal and run Chelsea and Liverpool close. Paqueta, Kudus and Wan-Bissaka have had really good games at Anfield and the defence has stayed mainly solid. Southampton next is a potential banana skin, but you do feel at some point WHU and Potter's luck has to turn.

My all-time Hammers XI

Well, a couple of lucky free kick goals for Arsenal's Declan Rice against Real Madrid. Still, he's not a bad player and let's hope Real Madrid now try to buy him so we don't have to see him down the road at the Library. Declan is certainly one of the best West Ham players I've seen and he'd get into my greatest Hammers X1. I just missed out on Martin Peters so haven't included him, though I did catch the end of the careers of Bobby Moore and Geoff Hurst. Frank Lampard Junior doesn't get into the side as most of his great stuff was for Chelsea and we don't have enough men to carry him. 

My all time Hammers X1 would be something like this: Parkes: Bonds, Martin, Moore, Dicks; Rice, Payet, Devonshire, Brooking; Hurst, Di Canio. And if permitted the luxury of a second X1 of super subs it would be this: Miklosko; Stewart, Ferdinand, Collins, Lampard Sr: Cole, Carrick, Noble; McAvennie, Cottee, Tevez. Sadly I couldn't find a place for Marco Boogers or Simone Zaza, but there you go.

Paqueta in limbo until June

The Guardian reports that after three weeks of hearings the Lucas Paqueta spot-fixing case has been adjourned until the summer. The FA's independent panel didn't conclude its proceedings in the three weeks and the lawyers are booked up on other cases until June. In a way this is good news for West Ham as Paqueta will be available for the rest of the season, though he'll be playing under even more stress and some clarity might have helped both club and player. 

It also leaves West Ham's transfer plans in disarray as the club has no idea whether a replacement for Lucas is required. It's slightly encouraging that in three weeks the panel hasn't come up with a verdict, suggesting it's complicated. If there was a clear paper or phone trail leading to Paqueta then he would surely have been found guilty by now. And rather like VAR if it's not clear and obvious that Paqueta knew about the bets then he should surely be assumed innocent until proven guilty when his career is at stake.

Fullkrug makes his point

West Ham 2 Bournemouth 2

At Stratford station the God Squad are out in the sun, handing out leaflets asking, "Why do people go to Hell?" — which is no way to talk about a trip to the London Stadium. Inside the Best Meze Cafe our crew have adopted a close formation of 3-2 by the counter, as the chips and accompaniments arrive unexpectedly promptly.  

Nigel's been to Florida with CQ discussing with Donald Trump whether tariffs might help protect West Ham's goal. Matt and Lisa have been to see Longplayer at the Roundhouse, a thousand-year long piece of music, by the end of which West Ham might finally have reached the next level. Though Matt, in his Thames Ironworks black shirt, prefers Longplayer's earlier work, possibly called Shortplayer. 

Michael the Thespian is following the game with a trip to Stratford East to watch The Women of Llanrumney, a play about Welsh women and slavery which may not enhance his mood after the  match. The fact that no-one has bothered to check if their tickets have uploaded until the day of the game shows how disappointing the season has been.

The game begins with Bournemouth getting in a dangerous cross and Evanilson heading a good chance wide after 70 seconds. Areola has to make a smart save from a deflected Quattarra cross and then an even better reaction stop to save an effort deflected off Soucek. The Irons look disjointed in the sun and WHU's best effort is an Ollie Scarles cross that goes across goal. Several corners come to nothing. Bowen is not getting any service as a striker and Kudus looks bereft of confidence, while the midfield of Soucek, Ward-Prowse and Alvarez lacks creativity.

Bournemouth take the lead when the excellent Semenyo fires in a shot that Areola parries into an inviting zone for Evanilson to poke home. There's a VAR check but he's just onside. It's almost two when Zabarnyi heads on to the bar from a corner.

We retreat to the concourse where Nigel decides this is a game definitely in need of his lucky banana. Matt bemoans the fact that Potter seems to have picked the wrong team again. Subs are definitely needed after that first half display, 

Potter brings on Emerson for Scarles and then waits ten minutes before sending on Fullkrug and Soler. The big German makes an immediate difference, holding the ball up well, challenging for everything and allowing Bowen to return to the right wing, while Soler also improves the midfield balance. 

The best move of the game sees the Hammers win a corner. Ward-Prowse delivers a typically accurate dead ball and Fullkrug loses his man to power home a thumping header. At last something to raise the crowd. That's Fullkrug's third goal of an injury-ravaged season in which he's only completed 90 minutes once.

Seven minutes later Kudus gets the better of James Hill, though we're not sure why the late Jimmy Hill is on the pitch. Mo's cross is a good one and Jarrod Bowen, who has looked frustrated and like he is carrying an injury, does really well to beat Huijsen in the air and direct his header into the corner. Suddenly West Ham are massive again. 

The Irons are now playing with much greater verve, There's a good chance for a third when the Hammers win a free kick just outside the box. But rather than let James Ward-Prowse take it, Bowen fires narrowly wide. 

The referee incurs the wrath of the Vicar's Son as Winterburn slips and gets a free kick. It shouldn't have been given, but we still should be able to defend it. A big punt forwards is headed by Huijsen into the path of Evanilson who scores from close range. There's another long VAR pause but it's given.

Potter brings on Guilherme who causes some problems on the left with his speed, but wastes a great chance to cross by greedily shooting into the side netting. Areola has to save a low shot from Semenyo and that's it. It's a point at least and some hope that a fit Fullkrug might be the striker we need, though squad surgery is definitely required over the summer. 

We head to the Eagle for London Pride from the fridge, as Michael does an admirable marketing job for Caffreys. Hellraiser Nigel has to leave early to watch Sweet in Shepherd's Bush hoping for a better Blockbuster than the one he's just seen. It's a nice easy game at Liverpool next. Seven games left and really we just need to get through the season now before Potter sorts out the squad. 

PLAYER RATINGS: Areola 6; Wan-Bissaka 6, Kilman 5, Todibo 6 (Mavropanos 6). Scarles 5 (Emerson 6); Alvarez 4 (Soler 6), Soucek 4 (Fullkrug 8), Ward-Prowse 6, Paqueta 6; Bowen 6, Kudus 6 (Guilherme 5).

Not hungry like the Wolves

Wolves 1 West Ham 0

While the game is on I'm watching Wilko: Love, Death and Rock 'n'Roll, a celebration of Canvey Island legend Wilko Johnson at the Southwark Playhouse. It's very good and one of the actors even wears a West Ham hat in the section on the early days of Dr Feelgood as a "jug band". Though at Molineux West Ham don't seem to be doing it right. 

My WhatsApp group knows West Ham are going to lose as soon the club foolishly sends a message reading, "A league double over Wolves on the cards." The biggest jinx factor since Nigel said it was "lucky we hadn't had many injuries" and immediately crocked Ogbonna in season 2021-22.

Potter has to make changes due to late injuries to Kudus and Todibo. He brings in the Greek Bloke, Ferguson for his first start and surprisingly Guilherme. It's also rather strange to omit Soucek who scored at Everton.

The Hammers start quite well as Ward-Prowse sends a free kick narrowly over. Then good work by Wan-Bissaka and Bowen sets up Ferguson for a great chance. But he gets the ball tangled up in his feet and scuffs it. Already Ferguson, who scored for Ireland last week, seems to be succumbing to the West Ham striker hoodoo in the tradition of Haller and Scamacca.

Wolves then start to create chances. Areola, sporting braids and a Three Musketeers beard, makes a great save to keep out Toti's header. Wolves score after 21 minutes. A tackle from Mavropanos sees the ball deflect to Strand Larsen, who is in a lot of space and has time to turn and fire home via a deflection off Kilman. It should be two when Munetsi hits the bar from right in front of goal. 

Potter is clearly not happy at half-time and brings off the ineffective Guilherme and Ferguson plus Cresswell for Fullkrug, Alvarez and Soler. Fullkrug, back after three months out, gives the Irons a focal point. Paqueta plays in a first time cross ands the big German hits the bar with a towering header, only to see Emerson volley the rebound wide. 

The best chance of the evening falls to sub Tomas Soucek. He's played in by a clever backheel from Fullkrug after Bowen wins the ball off a defender. Tomas seems certain to score but puts his shot into the side-netting.

Wolves almost get a second through Munetsi and hold on for the points. We can't let our season just fade away and better is required against Bournemouth. A fit Fullkrug and the return of Kudus and Todibo might offer some hope and presumably the Paqueta verdict might be known by then. The team has stopped shipping goals but can't score. Currently we'd struggle to net against Canvey Island FC. Let's give Fullkrug the first 45 minutes on Saturday and go all out for goals.